Poor guys, I heard about people without their usual Christmas family gathering in the radio too. So it’s even banned at some parts of the world? Ouch. In Hungary, the decision will be made today but our family is tiny and Hungary never had quarantine. We have a curfew now but not being outside at night is no big deal, at least to me, I wouldn’t go out anyway at that time.
We will have our usual family Christmas, I guess, I am not that much into it actually, the food isn’t to my liking and I meet those people often anyway. And I suck at gifts so I just bake/make something but they tend to be carby even if they don’t have added sugar… Maybe I will paint rocks this year but that’s a too tiny gift even from me. Well Alvaro’s brother gave us (fancy) cat food one year 
We were happy with that.
I am careful so I stick to my original idea, my next carnivore(-ish) trial starts on the 25th of December. If we go. If it will be here (oh no. I don’t even have a tree, I didn’t find my cute little plastic one. we lost it in this small house years ago), the time will change as Oti will need her friend’s help as she doesn’t have a car and she can’t come here, it’s either a long cycling (only 20-something km but much for her) or bus and 40min walking (for me. it would take hours for her except she couldn’t do it). We live in the middle of nowhere according to some people. I think I live in a good place with a nice view between 2 smallish but pretty mountains, there are forests, a wildlife park and a pond full with fish… There are drastically more trees than people, perfect. Foxes enter my property (I still lack a fence here and there. goats sometimes eat my medlars and some small animals the low hanging grapes)…
It’s a bit sad the garden yields only fruits, not something more useful for me If I had a bigger place or just some flat part, I would keep hens but it’s mostly a steep slope with fruit trees everywhere - except the spots with decorative trees and bushes.
My midnight eating came back and it’s not good for various reasons but I started to eat too early yesterday… I hope I will go back to my ideal and lately usual rhythm.
I went very close to 2 pounds of meat yesterday, pork, turkey, liver, very little smoked pork… No eggs and little cheese so of course. It was inevitable.
As time passes, I understand less and less how anyone is able to eat super tiny protein (and I had big problems in the beginning already). Especially on keto. Can’t comprehend it even though I could plan a keto day like that. It just would be horribly artificial and lacking. And I would end up grabbing some big piece of meat with 100g protein or something. I have 2 big chicken legs, they both are close to that, easy to eat at once. Oh yeah, I will try to get satiated with chicken again. I just can’t believe it’s impossible. Maybe harder but being hungry after 1 kg chicken thighs with skin… Makes little sense to me. All the other food with those macros work.
My lowest protein intake was around 60g on my experimental low-carb plant-based days some years ago. I eat 80-100g protein on my super rare low-calorie (~1000 kcal) days but I typically eat around 2000 and I can’t raise my fat/protein ratio very much).
So when I read about eating 30g protein a day… I don’t know what to imagine. A sea of fat with something else in it? An eggplant fried in 100g fat (it absorbs that, I tried)? All the food I am willing to eat in bigger amounts (and doesn’t have lactose. my body turns off all desires when I eat a significant amount of that) is protein rich.
By the way… I so want to try super fatty cheeses. I need to figure out where to find them. LIDL had some once but I happened to not go to the city or the nearby town then. 20km isn’t a big distance but I am not always willing to cycle that much (multiplied with 2).
Mine are 26-35% now. I have a sausage, a bit too fatty but works together with other things, that’s 47% fat (85% calorie percentage).
My fattiest dairy (except the butter, of course) is mascarpone.
I should shift my focus to fat in the future, I will need more calories… I hope… I want to be active and more muscular It’s one thing I had to avoid too fatty things and especially added fat to make sure I don’t have too many overeating days in the past (a decade long habit), it’s probably not a problem anymore - but without plants, I like to keep my fat/protein ratio not very high. All my proper food is like that. I am sensitive to this ratio, automatically eat the way I like. I add some different item? I balance it out with a fattier/leaner one. I am so, so thankful I don’t need a ton of energy - I probably couldn’t eat insanely high protein, it’s too satiating (except possibly chicken) but eating way too much fat for my protein wouldn’t feel nice in the beginning. So I should subtly train myself. I just don’t want to do it yet, I want to lose at this point and fattier eating is for the future. But maybe I will try to collect nice, fatty snacks. I still didn’t try frozen butter Just mascarpone mixed with butter and some flavor… On keto I had chocolate until carni broke me and I don’t like it anymore…
I just wonder about these things sometimes, I can’t keep my mind from that, I don’t stress over it and I can’t force anything on myself… But I know I will need a tad fattier woe at some point if I want to do things ideally. We will see, in the very beginning I couldn’t even do this fatty meals and I ate mustard all the time to handle my fatty protein without vegetables… Things changed and surely they will keep changing.
Amazing but I don’t miss my eggs much. I love to have some at hand if the fancy or need emerges but I am quite fine as long as I have various meats and a little cheese. For a while, at least. My slight meat aversion quickly went away but I have liver now anyway and it’s nothing like the pork shoulders I don’t eat much liver but that little amount makes a big difference (I still don’t want roasted pork shoulders for a while, that 3 pounds were A LOT for me alone and lasted 11 days, paired with chicken and turkey… but I can eat other meat dishes just fine).
And Alvaro DOESN’T come home today. The doctors keep changing their minds. He had enough. He has a vegetable as a roommate (sorry but very close to the truth) and he will just walk out tomorrow if they don’t want to let him properly (he is supposed to get a proper vehicle as he can’t walk or sit for long yet). With all his broken ribs and vertebra and swollen leg and seriously handicapped immune system (it’s probably the worst all his life, I mean the future too as he had splenectomy 10 days ago). We are so, so similar, I tend to leave against the wishes of doctors too though I never had such a serious accident. I am on his side but I really, really hope they bring him home and Oti wouldn’t like that anyway, to put it lightly. Oti thinks he shouldn’t use a simple car even in a week when he gets vaccinated due to lack of spleen. So his own legs, now… She would be mad. But Alvaro is stubborn like me and mental health is important too. But why would they try to keep him in for longer against his wishes when they can’t do more for him there? Let’s hope for the best.
Sigh. I made the liver and chicken legs and everything ready before today 
(I have soup too but clear, not even meat in it as it’s from the turkey legs I roasted and ate afterwards.) Good thing they don’t spoil easily. But I was so ready for him to come home today I heated up the house nicely too (I needed that to some extent, actually, I was fine with 14 Celsius downstairs and 16 in my room the first days, I couldn’t care less but it’s over)…
Okay, just one more day but it’s still disappointing and sad. I am fine but he isn’t, he hated being there days ago… But he got his laptop and wrote his story with photos and everything. He likes to write articles and fanfics sometimes.
I didn’t want to write this much but I am here, in a gloomy weather, all alone… No humans near me since almost a week (I saw 2 people during this time, from far away)… That’s very nice actually except the serious lack of Alvaro. I am not particularly lonely but I had enough too.
I said I wanted health so I went all in and I said that is me, you got to determine you in all this and detoxing off sugar is rough as heck LOL but once achieved is such a thing of beauty but only way to know that is to do it. What actions/changes you make trump everything to receive health benefits so that has to be just a personal decision.
I once ate alligator in New Orleans. Well, they said it was alligator. It tasted like snake. Reptile meat is white like some fish.
but he is improving so if he needs a few more days then so be it, he will be coming home literally for the holidays tho!!
to you SecondB!
fuel you into a better now!
.
and 
. So now I eat Great Value Frozen Hamburger patties. They are 75/25, 32 to a box and a box is 19.83 USD.