So ... about Cheating


(kimhowerton) #1

I want to talk about cheating.
We often get confessional Monday morning posts about keto going off the rails.
I get it. Food is social. Food is fun. Carbs are… alluring.

And I tend to comment that I don’t cheat. And worry I sound like a stick in the mud prig. Because I WANT TO BE THE FUN ONE WHO ENABLES YOU.

People like enablers better. But I can’t do it. Because I decided to dedicate myself to helping people be better.

The reason I decided not to cheat is because I’ve done it. Repeatedly. In the past. Before I committed to keto in May of this year.

Because I am a sneaky bastard and my mind is tricky. And if I let myself think of myself as someone who cheats. Or if I let cheats be “a normal part of life” then it’s something I can do regularly. Every other time I’ve let it be normal, it became so.

A few times I’ve thought, “what could that hurt, one time?” and the very next thought is always… the second time is much easier than the first.

Do I think someone who eats something not keto should be shamed? Not the littlest bit.
Do I think that person needs to confess. No. It is part of psychology that the reason we confess is it provides relief to the internal tension we created by violating our own boundaries. When you “confess” it lets off the pressure.

To be clear, a “confession” is different than a request for help. A request for help is an important part of making a change.

If you want to eat something not keto… and you make that decision to do so, ok. You are an adult. Own the decision.

Decide how much of exactly what you will eat… and then know you did that of free will. No guilt. No confession. You making a decision and accepting whatever consequences you suffer for it.

Because what you eat isn’t an accident. Just like who you sleep with or whether you go to work or play hookey is not an accident. (And what you ate after you got sloshed counts too… if you know you can’t be trusted drunk… don’t do it, or do knowing the consequences.)

This is just my opinion, not a group Admin PSA. Just me.


(carl) #2

I think the word “cheat” isn’t helping. It contains within it the notion that we’re using the power of our mind and will to overcome an urge which occurs naturally.

The sex drive is a powerful force, and so “cheating” on the one you’ve pledged fidelity to - that is a well-known and appropriate use of the word. “Cheating” on a low-fat calorie restricted diet is also a good example of describing the power of the body over the mind.

In the case of “cheating” on a ketogenic diet, this isn’t the case. You have all the nutrients you need. You have all the calories you need. You are not hungry. Your body is satisfied. So, why then, do we call it “cheating?”

Carb cravings? Well, in this case the word “cheating” applies. Your body is calling out for sugar and carbs. It isn’t a nutritional need, though. It’s more akin to a drug addicts “need” for another dose. That, however, doesn’t make it any easier to overcome. In fact, it’s very hard. The way to remove the cravings is to cut the carbs and up the fat.

So, if you are on a ketogenic diet and have eaten something that spikes your blood sugar without knowing it, you are susceptible to carb cravings which could end in a “cheat.” That has happened to all of us. In my experience, the longer I spend in ketosis, the easier it is to recover from those slip ups. It was VERY hard before I was fat-adapted. My “cheats” would last for months. That’s why it’s VERY important to me that I satisfy my body’s need for nutrients.

As Kim said, we don’t want to enable a culture in which “cheating” becomes the norm, for this very reason. We should all be striving to keep our carbohydrates as low as possible and eat as much nutrients and fat as we need to be satisfied.

That brings me to the topic of “planned cheating.” If you are one of these people who can eat carbs on a regular basis and not get thrown off course, that’s great. For most of us, a carby meal is a slippery slope toward the way we used to be. If you are an IR (insulin resistant) diabetic with weight to lose, you should ask yourself why you feel the need to set yourself back assuming that a) you feel great, b) you’re losing weight, c) you’re not hungry and have no carb cravings. It must be a psychological need. That doesn’t make it easier to overcome. However, understanding that it is psychological is the first step to understanding how to manage it.

Finally, it’s not enough for any of us to say to a type 2 diabetic person, “don’t do any planned cheating” without offering up at least one alternative that will satisfy you physiologically and psychologically.

We pretty much all agree that the way to get over these psychological humps is to eat rich ketogenic comfort food. We have many such recipes in our archive. Treat yourself out to a nice juicy rib eye slathered in butter. Make a keto pizza. Make some low-carb bread. Eat some luxurious brie and bacon. Make Carnitas slow-cooked in lard. Make or get some low-carb ice cream. Let that be your indulgence. Here’s what will happen. It will taste amazing (you already know that), you will be satisfied after eating it, and you will be able to move on without setting yourself back a week or two. Who wants that?

Most of all, please don’t post your confessions, seek absolution, or ask for permission. We’re not your doctors, your parents, your guardians, nor your clergy. As Kim says, by doing that, we normalize what should really be considered self-destructive behavior. Our goal is to learn from our mistakes (N=1) and move on.

Your body - and your mind - will thank you for it later.


#3

This is great. Is there anyway to share this to the Facebook group? Maybe this could be a blog post?


(carl) #4

Irony. Kim HAS posted it to the Facebook group. Given the nature of FB, it was only seen by those who happened to be online when it was posted and commented on. That’s why we’re here. :slight_smile:


(G. Andrew Duthie) #5

^^^ THIS!!!

(LOLing at the fact that Discourse won’t let me post just the first line. Have to use a complete sentence. It’s the grammar nazi of forum software. ;-))


(Richard Morris) pinned #6

(kimhowerton) #7

This was a post in the FB forum! Months ago actually.


(Karen Parrott) #8

I’m a food addict in recovery 6+ years, so I either am stone cold food sober or I’m binging with the full force of all that is the SAD diet. Even some keto foods can trigger. Heck I can binge eat on protein if the addict mind gets me.

I carry an extra ghrelin (hunger hormone), so my problem is bio-chemical and less behavioral. However my own behavioral thinking or one or two bites of trigger food can lead to the hunger hormone. So it’s both bio-chemical and behavioral- IMO.

Abstaining is for my win. Always.

Off my food template foods can result in days, weeks, months, and even years of food addiction, so I do not cheat, eat off my food template, and I know my trigger foods like I know family members or close friends.

There is a Food Addiction specialist-Vera Tarman, MD (Toronto) who estimates that 40%+ of obese, 10% of normal weight folks, and 10% of underweight folks have some sort of food addiction influences and that more research needs to be done. The Rudd Center- Yale food addiction quiz was very helpful to me.

I respect those who can moderate, however I respect and live in the behaviors and biochemistry of a person who must abstain 365/24/7 via a solid Keto lifestyle.

I think food addiction recovery while Keto would make a great sub thread, so thanks for pinning the this thread. Onward. Karen P.


#9

Thank you for this! I know I’ve been strung out on carbs and out of control. I’m sure I’m part of the 40% you mentioned.


(Meeping up the Science!) #10

I am a classic food addict with a biochemical source. Weight loss surgery fixed that as it reduced my ghrelin by 60% permanently. Many of my fellow clinicians don’t even think about food addiction. I also have an eating disorder which is completely separate and complicates things.


(Blyss (Old @Charmaine)) #11

Yep, she has, and I remember it!


(beacheidi) #12

i too handle my weightloss journey as an addiction/recovery issue. i am either clean and sober or not. my past behaviors back this up 100%.


#13

I hate it when people post beating themselves up for having eaten something. Totally agree with Carl’s post, make your choices and deal with them.

Today is Boxing Day, my second day of going off plan. Nothing too outrageous and tomorrow normal service will be resumed.

Loving the forums, SO much better than FB.


(Carol Hawkins) #14

I too don’t find the “cheating” term helpful. My feeling is you’re either eating healthy food, or food that isn’t as healthy for you. It’s a choice. If you want something non-keto, and it’s not going to throw you off track, then you can probably indulge every once in a while - but make sure it’s not an every day thing since those foods aren’t as healthy for you.

However, if you’re eating keto for medical reasons (T2, cancer, etc) then you’re probably going to need to be a bit more strict.


(Michelle Flores) #15

I really enjoyed reading this the first time when it was posted on Facebook. However, I’m enjoying it all over again here in the forum. All of you continue to give me such strength and encouragement in this new WOE. Thank you. I look forward to continuing to be a part of this excellent community.


(kimberlynwebb) #16

For me, “cheating” is what lead to IR, weight gain, aching joints, headaches, fatigue and a whole host of other unpleasant side effects. I am an addict. I cannot “cheat” once and get back on track. I have recently learned this. I can’t have a treat and call it good. it unlocks the carb junky (for lack of a better term) in me. I start obsessing about food, and it triggers shame feelings and secret eating. I am sure that I am in the minority here. But, for me, I can’t cheat right now. Maybe down the road, but not right now.


(Karen Parrott) #17

You are not alone @kimberlynwebb I came to the realization that off template eating could take away my mind, body and soul. So I don’t, and the more I don’t eat off food template, the more I don’t want to. :slight_smile: Lots of us are in the same boat.


(Becky Searls) #18

Now I feel like I have some understanding of what it must feel like to be an alcoholic. Replace food with alcohol and we’d never be so wishy washy and flippant about what is an equally serious issue for our health!


(Robin Hadfield) #19

Cheating. Slippery Slopes. Food addict.
I had not cheated since staring Keto in Feb/March this past year - until the end of Oct. At 62 yrs old, it is hard to lose weight like many younger gals are able…a 1 - 1 ½ lb loss per mos was a steady loss and I was happy… until the end of Oct.
It started with me beta testing an app for a bariatric specialist. I thought I would use the app for a few weeks and give my pros and cons, glitches, etc…but, they gave me a RD for weekly video chats. She tried to change my eating, increase my fiber, count my calories. I started stalling.

Then the real trouble began…My husband and I took a holiday driving trip though southern and western France. I was good with my eating, other than an occasional glass of wine.

After returning, a week later I was off to Ohio, to work with a glass artist. We were in his studio from morning until evening over five days, my eating choices were limited until I was able to find a grocery store and buy some heavy cream and pork rinds to nibble on through the day if I was hungry. I’d get back to my hotel room and take out some salami, olives and brie cheese I had bought and kept in the mini bar. In the morning, I’d prepare a coffee or tea with about 1 cup of heavy cream to get me through the day.
With these two trips taking most of Nov I gained back about 4 lbs.

Then on Dec 4th I left for the Galapagos Islands with my whole family on a 90th birthday trip for my mother. I was pretty good in Educador and at the islands…until I started having ice cream at lunch the last few days…and one glass of wine most of the days. From the islands we headed to my families home in Florida…this ended my Keto way of eating! I stuck with it through most of the days, but every night was a birthday celebration for my mom. Cake, Wine, restaurants which were not terribly Keto friendly.
The last three days I had cake and ice cream.

Thank goodness I am back home now and will back to journaling and not saying I cheated…let’s just say I took a hiatus, gained back a total of 6 lbs and it’s now over!!!

I have no plans to screw this up again. It’s so damn hard to lose the weight in the first place.

Tomorrow is a new day and I’m ready for it…now I just need to get out my snow filled driveway to the grocery store to buy some bacon!


(Linda Evans) #20

For me, I prefer the word “Choosing” rather than “Cheating”. I am choosing every day what to put in my mouth. I am choosing to make decisions each day that promote my good health and feelings of well-being or that derail my progress. No one else is in charge… just me and I hope that each day I will choose wisely.