That is what I just can’t do. I try and fail.
It’s good I am a super stubborn one so I keep trying and don’t lose heart… Especially that even this on/off is much better than what I had before. And I believe I am getting better.
But this is a new week. Monday is great for new starts so I have that 
I boiled eggs - and realized how stupid was my method. I had a small egg boiling pot for 5 eggs. But it’s small so I can’t keep the water boiling as it comes out. Alvaro said they used a big pot and higher heat… So I tried that. In 10 minutes after boiling I got perfect eggs, proper firm whites, not dry yolk, even runny in the middle if I take the eggs out right away. Not 1-2 mins later… And they peeled great, these eggs were benevolent but maybe I can expect that in the future. No tricks were required…
I didn’t eat rabbit yesterday (just liver and kidney - kidney is meh, liver is mild and tender) so I still have some (and a tiny bit of liver too). And my fried fat and roasted pork.
2pm and I am very satiated so I will focus on avoiding accidental needless eating and all will be well. If I eat properly late, I can eat well and then I just can’t eat at midnight, so very satiated. So the midnight eating is a problem that gets solved easily. I merely have to skip lunch. I am not hungry at lunchtime so it should be easy. If I just FOCUS during that little time. As I am in the kitchen at lunchtime, it hardly will change.
It probably helps a lot that I run out of both my cheaper coffee and milk or cream (I have an unopened package but city shopping is far away so I don’t open it willy-nilly). Coffee is a gateway “food”. First I add something (cream or egg and butter) and sit down to the table, then I nibble on something nice… And then I have a small lunch (if I manage to get hungry, a bigger one) and that mess things up.
I was careful, only cooked and baked for Alvaro, didn’t add anything to my soup or even warmed it up, that is my other good gateway food…
I boiled some eggs but that’s preparation and I am used to not eating it up too early. Not even the fresh, warm soft-boiled eggs and those are only good warm… But I am satiated.
I didn’t weigh myself lately but I just sewed my home pants (with pockets! they are essential but some of my pants still don’t have them. I plan to make some, it shouldn’t be hard but it’s a jump from my usual tiny fixing socks level) as it kept slipping. All my pants feel as they did at 72-73kg so I managed to keep that Considering how much I ate lately and how inactive I had, that should matter a wee bit too, it’s very good. I always was wonderful at maintenance but short term losses are a bit different. But I kept them. Yay. And now I see a chance to lose more fat. If I focus. I don’t like that much, it’s tiring but it’s just for a few days and then it probably will be almost automatic? Or it’s my huge optimism again.
I definitely have no problem with small fat-loss I have problem with zero for years (and stress gain). When I went keto first, quite a few years ago, I was 69kg. Last year I was 75kg. But I changed so, so, so much! I often think I met a big door at 69kg. With so many locks. And I just kept opening the locks (sometimes they got locked again but I could open them easier then if I had in a good phase). Some took years. The door was still locked but I saw I made progress. And anyway, it was never only about fat-loss for me. Keto was the change where I just saw no benefit beyond fat adaptation. But it was still needed to be able to change more and I seemed to feel it so I stubbornly went back every time I strayed off. Carnivore has instant reward so it’s easier. Though it has its own hardships occasionally. The too easy satiation, the boredom… But it gets better as time passes, I change and learn possible solution methods.
Stubbornness can do a lot. Maybe not alone, I am too good at keep trying but not giving my all (I do that with painting 
I need more passion as I am not driven enough)… But it’s a good start.
Gloomy day again but we can’t have sunshine all the time, can we?
Cold too. I should collect leaves but I don’t wish to be outside… I am so bad.
We will use the chainsaw too soon (well, Alvaro will, I don’t touch it often since I managed to hurt myself. TWO buttons need to be pressed simultaneously and I still managed to hurt myself, amazing. Alvaro did that too, once, he even needed the hospital. he never used it in slippers again. I couldn’t learn anything from it as I have no idea what I did wrong but I just avoid that thing - or FOCUS for that few seconds I use it), I gave up on a plum tree that never had fruit while its leaves just make my already problematic leaves collection even harder (it’s lmost always wetness and coldness, the first portions are fine as it’s October, sunshine, warmth, rare rain so the leaves were easy to collect but now?). So we get that out. We have other plum trees to cut out (not disease resistant, bad idea here but we got them when we moved here), some thujas as well… And we always have A TON of wood to burn, it never will happen. The rebuilding of the house produced a lot 11(?) years ago and we still have very, very, very much of that. And I used up a lot for DIY things like benches… And there are always some trees to cut out… Or at least branches. Oh well, I realized some must become nice soil, we lack that anyway It just takes a lot of time for big branches.
Our property is so tiny but it’s full with trees and we burn thorny vines too (it took a lot of time for me to smart up and use the smaller ones to make soil). Cooking outside is all about burning as much stuff as we can 
But it’s an uphill battle, at least it seems so this far.
Erm sorry I try not to rant about it anymore. I know it’s so tiny, not big work but it’s still much for us. Not the work but all the wood we just can’t burn, it bothers me a bit. Not so much since I realized they will rot and give me better soil Not like I use my tiny veggie patch for much… And the flowers in it are happy anyway.
Grace loved you, you did your best for her; So sorry to lose her!
