I don’t believe I need much healing, honestly (but it doesn’t matter, it can’t change how I eat and do things anyway so I don’t wonder about it) but I always eat as much as I like and can, I can’t do it differently… I can add more food sometimes but I can’t eat less than I do normally even though I need it to lose fat, oh well, I should bulk as my only hope 
And getting more active. But I still want energy first and fat-loss second.
I really don’t control my food intake, it happens as my body wants it. Okay, choosing my food items change things a bit but I don’t have much wriggle room there either… I eat whatever I am not bored of at the moment and even have…
I definitely won’t go over one pound of meat in average, it’s clearly impossible for me but my average (and maximum) slowly raises, it seems. But I don’t know how far it can go. I have these phases, a pound of meat sometimes seem much and sometimes little… But I need my low-meat days every week. But I balance them out with high-meat days where I go way over a pound. And a pound of meat is plenty… I can’t even afford 2, that would be serious overeating in my case unless I had some great lean meat or disliked my eggs at the time. I would say it’s impossible for me anyway but now that even meat lost its insanely satiating effect, I think I actually could eat 2 pounds of meat even if chicken doesn’t count… I probably wouldn’t eat much meat the next day but I could do it. It’s not soooo much if I use, like, 5 meals…
I hope Alvaro will be okay. As I visit my garden and time passes, it becomes more and more clear that we will have very little fruit this year. I will start to cook a bit differently for Alvaro too…
We have only… 100 jars full with fruit so I feel we barely have any. Me and my desire to have a ton of everything… But I am used to that.
Oh well, he is flexible and maybe it will be enough.
He has other problems like not having his favorite, best starch for his pudding. I told him that a pudding doesn’t need starch, it needs eggs but his idea is different. He doesn’t want eggs in his pudding. But it is in classic recipes, isn’t it? I saw those recipes. Egg yolks are a must! I ate eggless puddings but they weren’t real puddings
I looked it up, it seems they are often milk based… Whatever, Alvaro almost never use milk either.
But I suppose he will survive without puddings and actually he probably could handle only 5 sweet breakfasts a week as well if fruits would be a real problem… But still, it’s a real tiny burden on me, I want him to be okay and satisfied.
Imagine that, he can’t even eat pancakes without jam (and walnuts. both must be in it)!
I have zillion different pancakes, savory and dessert types (not necessarily sweet in the traditional sense mascarpone is my ally I use sparingly)! He barely accepts my carnivore pancake dough. Good thing I never sweetened my pancake dough, I don’t know why people do that even with our filled ones… But he totally refuses my 100% egg sponge cakes (not like I ever wanted him to eat them, I know I am an egg maniac and most people aren’t). He finds them too eggy… (But it’s sponge cake, it’s all about eggs if you ask me! And air bubbles.) Okay, they are a bit not fluffy enough and deflate but they are still nice At least they aren’t too watery things with too little taste as the cheesy baked whipped egg whites he loves so much.
So our tastes differ pretty much. We both love fatty proteins and certain desserts and meat is fine to some extent (these help tremendously) but almost that’s about it at this point.
Sorry. I try to talk about my meals instead, they are simple enough. Today I ate eggs and pork for lunch, obviously… Alvaro made egg stew and I ate some despite not being carnivore but I kept the amount low and filled my pancakes with it (eating eggs with eggs is totally my thing).
I do my absolute best to do TMAD from now on. 4-6 meals a day are as annoying as ever. I can eat proper sized meals now…
But my hunger became demanding. It’s the usual soft lil thing but I must eat immediately. So I had my lunch at noon today. But 3 hours later I am still very satiated so maybe I can get away with it… Meat helps for sure. I had many super low-meat lunches lately and ate my meat later. Maybe that’s not the right direction for me.
I don’t know if I ate 3000 kcal yesterday or less (probably less, my pork shoulders didn’t seem THAT fatty) but I don’t want it to continue without a good reason. One day is fine and dandy, my body probably needed it, it’s not like I just ate out of boredom (I am never bored, I don’t even know how that can happen under normal circumstances) or compulsion or desire (well, a bit desire but that’s normal :D), my body welcomed the food, it felt right. So I trust my body (even if it has the idiotic idea to keep my current fat mass and I seriously disagree with it… but maybe it wasn’t my body, it was something else? we will see if I manage to eat properly for a long while).
Everyone thankyou for your kindness. I am doing ok. Keeping to ALMOST zero carb. My top total carbs is only 7 grams. I am not well though. Headache that won’t go away, and now a late period. Still waiting for ultrasound. But I love this lifestyle, I just think I need to try to eat more. I am so tired, um hoping iodine helps. So tonight it is fish and curried eggs again. Last night was ground beef and salami. I haven’t been very active on here but I will in the future. I just am resting a lot. Tomorrow is winter. Yay!!! Hope everyone is doing good, damn I already said that.
hope you are improving any way you can, eat as good as you can at all times and hope your medical appts get you on the right path!!
