This is for @Karen18 and it’s some kind of self care, venting, whatever. No nice food or flower or any other topics.
I am very bad at being super low on all levels. I used to say I am… Well, there is an oldschool toy with a round bottom with most of its weight in it. It always pops up. I am the same. I may need a little time but it is quick enough. Sunlight! Butterfly*! Music! Food! And I forget I am supposed to be in the deepest pit 
So I have my joys, that’s no problem. It keeps me afloat for a long time, along with my hope.
*I used butterfly because that’s a cliche, it’s more like frog, hairy caterpillar and snake for me but I like many others. Even some interesting butterflies.
Oh no my inheritance went well, super simple! The other part, the life insurance thing was problematic but we solved that too quickly. But the inheritance? I had some phone calls but didn’t even need to travel to the other part of the country. But I need to figure out if I need to make a new contract with a agricultural company (it’s about 100%), I probably have the right phone number but it was ages ago I contacted them… And I need to go there for the new contract, most probably. Alvaro need an off day and his company has a new owner and we waited until he got his mandatory long vacation for the craziest times. He STILL don’t surely know if he will be free next week… We have a small window for the contract as the travel takes almost the whole day. And I hate phone calls with not a passion but anxiety. And as I am almost immune to anxiety (or rather lucky not to have reason for it. but my hedonistic inner self likes to make sure I just don’t have such feeling), I handle the rare bouts of it super unwell. It’s so stupid 
I KNOW it’s nothing. Not even with my phone barely having money on it (it will get solved tomorrow but I postponed the call because of that. and because we don’t know if Alvaro will be free next week and we want to go as soon as possible) and it having the defect that it just closes the call all the time when it’s important. I had it when I had to organize my aunt’s funeral. It wasn’t fun, to put it lightly. And it already was hard on me. I had nothing like that since then and I probably will call on Monday when Alvaro’s phone will be here as a backup.
It will be fine. By the way, when the inheritance process started, I read about things, worried a bit and felt bad for people who have it complicated. I had it super easy. I am the single one who inherited. No house, no work to sort out things, just 3 lands (one proper and two useless tiny fragment of a big one with dozens of owners. I have 4 such lands now, wonderful) and money… I needn’t even to go, needn’t to get things from the land registry (unlike when Mom died, I had to go TWICE, to the other part of the country because they messed it up), it was super smooth.
I am glad I won’t inherit again. Hopefully it will be true for Alvaro too for a very, very long time. I like my too few family members alive and if possible, quite well. For a loooooooooooooooong time. I know I can’t expect miracles, his Mom is unhealthy and won’t change her ways but life, give me a few more decades at least (and several more with Alvaro. I am greedy there. and borderline realistic).
Was I too exhibitionist, on the Internet at that? Hmmmm I don’t know how to use these against me so I just don’t care. I write more private things and I don’t consider it a big deal. I am careful enough. Sometimes paranoid but that’s not hedonistic so rather not.
But my inheritance in total is nothing. Alvaro’s many years long headache with multiple lawyers and the insurance company, that is something. I often wonder that it’s lucky he probably will live for a very long time, I imagine many people simply die before things get sorted out with insurance… Things go shockingly slow, yes partially because Alvaro needed time before contacting new lawyers and because he didn’t accept the super tiny money the insurance company wanted to pay but of course not. He lost his SPLEEN. The money would cover a few years of vaccine he need to have due to it or something. It’s Hungary, not the US but there are still lawyers doing WAY better than that. Very very very much better. It just takes forever, apparently. Or IDK, I don’t ask, I have enough problems without that.
Yes, my aunt passed away, hence I am waiting for the tax administration(?) to tell me to pay a really lot of money… Even my little land is worth a lot so I need to pay a lot. But I rent it out and it will bring it back in 4-5 years. That works well. my 4 useless lands don’t do anything so they only bother me when I think about their uselessness. Why? No one can do anything with theirs I think. Except the electricity company, they have 5 square meters and they obviously put their… I don’t want to google it, those electricity tower things. They put that on it. What other people do, I don’t know but I suppose nothing? Like me?
I hope someone will just buy them all at some point (they are really tiny fragments, almost no worth per piece). All but the electricity one 
I wouldn’t even know who to sell my proper, decent sized, 100% own land if I had to but those fragments of a land with many owners? It’s stupid.
(Maybe I have 2 fragments of land now, not 4. Or 3. I won’t look it up if they are part of the same ones but probably as Mom and my aunt inherited them all from Grandma. So stupid fragments got split. Maybe not they joined. Not like it matter and I shouldn’t write so much about things not good for anything…)
I think it’s a bit better now. I usually feel I am very fine with bottling up things, even prefer that but occasionally it helps to talk. Or write but it’s all the same to me, writing (even in English) is even easier as I can take my sweet time with my sentences.
Thank you, @Karen18, I really appreciate your help and care. I still feel undeserving but it still feels nice.
We still don’t have hot days, it’s nice and it’s bad I can’t fully enjoy it with more than the usual problems surrounding me. But I do try. If the mozzies let me.
… please ignore plants lol