It was still May but I decided to write about my midnight eating here… I am good, I don’t tend to do that lately but some reasons are serious. (I could have some new rule but I would break it anyway.)
My satiation still wasn’t fully fine… And I had fresh pork roast… And I suspect I had lower meat days again? So the usual thing happened. I had another meal at midnight, it turned out that my “leanish” pork might have been very lean on the part I ate for lunch but the rest had hidden and less hidden serious fat deposits! It was pure bliss!
So, 1.4 pounds of meat for yesterday (guesstimation says 185g protein). Not even zillion calories as I ate a bit too little for lunch (and it doesn’t matter that I seriously overate the previous day, it may or may not matter when the next day comes. especially when my body decides it wants a very meaty day) but no deficit for sure as I had no walk yesterday either.
So now I have some super fatty pork chuck, some super fatty fresh ham and not even very much of these… Stupid tiny slabs in the local supermarket. Alvaro brought me this lovely fatty 824g piece, it’s not enough for me for 2 days when I am in this meat loving state! Oh well, I go and buy another tomorrow. Until then I have hake fish, a little pork tongue and even chicken and pork liver. It will work but I would prefer simplicity with tons of proper pork with the right fattiness. I wonder if the price cap will finally go away and I can buy bigger slabs… I really like fresh ham when it has some fat in it. I like even the tender, juicy lean part, I just want fat with it. And I can’t cook it the same way anyway so sometimes it’s a tiny bit dry, it’s probably due to different muscles, even the color is different. The pink parts (even after 2 hours) tend to be the nice, juicy ones.
I probably could wax my low-level poetry (I read so, so much and learn big words, I just can’t use it actively or it would require a long time, I just come and write moderately quickly here as it’s not a novel. oh I would be a stressed writer, I would want it to be good but writing is so hard. I rather tackle drawing hands and coloring skin and those are super hard for me. if I wrote, that would be tiny things, just a little idea that one can read in a few minutes. I did that in my darkest times, they were quite depressive but fantastical and dramatic too. I usually have more or less healthy coping mechanisms) regarding my beloved pork for a long time… And it’s mere supermarket pork. How on earth it can be so, so, so delightful? I couldn’t eat tastier food if I spent 10 times as much money on it! It’s just perfect (when it gets as fatty as what I ate last night and the leftover is the same! just tiny. I want more!).
So I just try not to eat now. I skip lunch and then we will see. I will use extra whites, cottage cheese and sheep quark today for lean stuff. And my fresh ham has lean parts too, I use the almost pure fat parts to fry my eggs. It should be fine. After yesterday I am supposed to be fine without a whole lot of meat… I can’t just eat it all up often, I can’t easily get much more and it is unnecessary waste of money and energy. It may be fine occasionally but maybe I really should focus on getting enough meat all the time. I didn’t feel I need it (and had a pound of meat the previous day too)! It just jumped on me.
Maybe it wasn’t the meat but the low-calorie of my lunch. Only 1400-something kcal, I rarely can do OMAD with that. But I still didn’t fancy something very fatty. I still don’t. I am in the mood for leaner meat. And it’s good, I usually eat way too fatty even when I try not to.
Scylla and Charybdis
It’s so hard to eat the right amounts. But maybe it gets better as days pass and I better don’t stray away again but I am me so I probably will. I shouldn’t stray away too far then, that works. I would be very happy with some nice meat and little else for a while though.
My plan for June is to eat lots of properly fatty meat first, it easily may solve my biggest dietary problems and I may be ready for this at this point.
I messed up my carni plans for January-May but it’s me, maybe next year. I am sure I will be better then. But unlike my original fruity and other plans for June… I still changed a lot so I just continue and it’s not improbable that I will do it better this month than in the previous ones (but the bar isn’t very high, I really messed it up regularly. I had wonderful close to carni times but they didn’t last very long somehow).
The off times showed me that I keep losing interest and joy in some in the diminishing set of carby things still in my life. I start to lose track, English is hard. And they say it’s super easy. Ha! It isn’t. And my mother language is Hungarian, a truly difficult language
But it’s super fun when we glue zillion little things together into one word… English IS hard, I see so horrible grammar even among fanfic writers with big words and solid ideas and basically good style…
So my desires align more and more with carnivore as time passes and it’s probably key for a hedonist who hates restrictions (the kind that feels restrictions. and not the very temporal ones, I love my strict experiments when the mood hits. except my only very low-fat day, that was horrid. and my 8 hour egg fast too. but I still got information and joy out of them, only the eating part was awful). I just need a long time to reach my goals.
And now what @FrankoBear asked… (Of course it got loooooong…)
Yes, I changed a lot. I still have my off times and tiny extras but the base of my diet, that changed a lot.
I started with super tiny meat. Sometimes I only had smoked meat and chicken liver and went below 0.25 pound of meat, well that was tricky, that was too low even for me. Oh once I run out of meat and stubbornly continued with carnivore (and it was kind of proper at that time) and managed to get egg aversion for a week
Only ate 6 eggs a day during that time… yeah, I still had problems with supermarket meat and I kinda still have, I just ignore it as I can’t get fancy, very good meat (it’s not just money, I couldn’t buy meat from a farm more than once per a few months. unless I believe one hypermarket about selling farm meat, maybe. I could buy deer but I don’t want deer all the time).
But those were just the very early times. I started to buy supermarket pork and turkey (oh I haven’t eaten turkey since ages! I am in a better relationship with chicken now) but I still couldn’t handle a whole pound of meat a day. More like half. Of course I had meatier and less meaty days but my average was small, I got the majority of my nutrients, protein, fat from eggs and dairy.
But that style kept me fat. Meat is better at satiation than dairy and even eggs, at least for me. Except chicken, that’s awful at it. And possibly fish but I never ate much fish.
I realized it’s not good enough so I worked on keeping my dairy consumption low, at least the really high-fat ones. The low-fat stuff like quark and now cottage cheese, they seem to be much better at satiation. But they definitely don’t add a ton of calories in mere minutes like sour cream…
So I had quite eggy times. And eggs proved to be not satiating enough. But they are very, very easy to eat galore and that has disadvantages.
But time passed and I easily could eat a pound of meat, what’s more, I missed it when it went lower and just like yesterday, I had these very meaty days when I felt the irresistible pull.
And meat is wonderful for satiation. I still can overeat if I add a bunch of low satiation items or my eating window gets too big but if I focus on (not too fatty) meat, that’s good. Probably very fatty meat and little else would work too, I need experiments…
So I ate more meat but still zillion eggs. That changed recently, now my egg consumption dropped and if I keep at it and don’t overdo certain items, I may be able to eat at a deficit. But that is very little food so I should keep it for a single meal or close.
And now I really desire simplicity. Not just what I had this far, it would be nice, convenient, probably helpful for fat-loss… It can’t help if I don’t really desire to do it. But I have that now. I just want a proper amount of proper meat and I can make it work.
I had bigger success with a tiny eating window and eating the right amount, enough meat, not too much fat in the last weeks. I want to continue but without stupid off times. Sometimes I keep it carnivore-ish but still eat too many times… But it start to get better. My relationship with food changed again, I don’t feel the need to eat just because it’s time and eating is nice (I like that but it’s not a strong compulsion anymore), I eat when I need to eat. Usually. I had some great days without lunch skipping and it’s very convenient to eat at 3pm already but sometimes it’s better to wait, I will need to figure it out. I just can’t have the same style of days. Sometimes I get satiated way too easily so need another meal, sometimes 2 or 3, sometimes I eat over my energy need in one sitting…
But I am close. I am very hopeful I will have a breakthrough in June.
The amount of my fresh fruits are negligible so they can’t interfere (I currently pick and feed them all for Alvaro. it’s best for both of us). My best, most raging season got killed by disease. It’s still tragic
Even if helpful to my carnivore-ish plans (I couldn’t resist them nearly as well as I do it with my non-favorite strawberries that are super pretty but I get to enjoy that). My poor trees look horrible. Almost everyone’s do.
It didn’t LEFT but yep, the amount of it plummeted. As it should. Too fatty, not satiating… I do use it here and there, I still love it but learned to keep it low.
Cheese is different. I have phases. Sometimes I eat a lot but I try to keep it low too when I am not particularly into it. It was very helpful for a long time but now that I really love meat, even in big enough amounts, I just don’t need it much. A little bite here and there should do.
But I brought in milk (after decades of almost none). And then I brought it very regularly. Alvaro buys a whole liter every weak and we have some in a box too as the weekly thing only lasts for a short time, it’s raw milk. He uses up some of it and I try not to drink the rest at once. I wasn’t so good at it in the first few times but now I got the hang of it. Animal sugars are fine for me but milk is way too easy to consume and it’s not satiating, not protein rich enough for that.
I suppose I will a bit bored of it eventually, it’s still pretty new for us to have it every week.
Cream is more useful and I don’t get a lot of fat consuming it. But I won’t open a box of cream every week…
Organ meats are a fixture. I need them regularly. But I shifted from chicken liver to pork liver. Much nicer since I realized I can fry it properly, no idea what I messed up for the first time but it turned me away from it for a long time (because most of my childhood pork liver was hard and somewhat bitter too. I don’t understand, if I fry it, it gets tender and nice tasting).
Still couldn’t try spleen, it must happen.
I ate pig farm pork but we still didn’t start to buy it regularly for some reason. It could be a very occasional thing anyway. But we should go back to buying smoked things in their shop. For a long while we neglected that, I don’t know why, I was happy with supermarket stuff and their is very salty but not all to the same extent… Their smoked ribs are even cheap, I don’t understand but lucky me!
I make my lard now, I got it (for cheap) in the pig farm shop in the beginning (and once from a farmer’s market). It’s super expensive now but I don’t need it.
The future will be a bit different again, our village has a tiny farmer’s market now! I couldn’t check it out yet, Alvaro visited but a bit late and the meat seller was in the process of leaving already.
And I want to get my stuff together already… I trained, changed, got used to eating a proper amount of meat regularly, I learned a lot about myself, I had phases… I feel ready for another jump.
IDK what is intuitive eating. Mine is a mix between my vague plan based on knowledge (I know I need a lot of properly fatty meat and some eggs every day, I try to balance out leaner things with fattier ones and vice versa) and eating whatever I fancy at the moment. The first is still eating whatever I fancy just for a whole day (I really would miss meat or eggs later) and I still can’t eat what I dislike…
Thankfully I mostly lost my compulsions and wanting to eat without any need. I still have my zero appetite with huge hunger combo occasionally though. But I am experienced and keep a variety of food at hand.
I need to have MORE ready to eat roasted/fried pork in my freezer though. And these tiny slabs and my serious meat consumption don’t make it easy.
They didn’t I think… I suppose my sweetness perception is still changing but it’s extremely slow, I am not even sure… I rather lose the NEED for sweetness when it comes to my desserts. So it’s not sweet but why would it need to be?
It’s good as I still adore my desserts. And fancy them except when I probably can fill myself with some lovely properly fatty meat. That is effective and better than desserts as long as I don’t get bored of it. I hardly do if it’s really properly fatty, too lean stuff is worse.
Now I do my best to be scarce for a while… Maybe bring some flower pics later
We have a lot of new, again and it’s black locust blooming season too. And elderberry. There are hundreds and thousands of elderberry bushes around here… Wild roses too, they are flowering as well.