Humor2 🙃

(Stickin' with mammoth) #81

You definitely need a t-shirt that says that. Summer’s comin’.

(Robin) #82

If only I was single… sigh

(Stickin' with mammoth) #83

It’s coaxing the cheese out of their pants that can be tricky.



(Stickin' with mammoth) #85

(Bacon is better) #86

This is a pity, because I was looking for something baked stale. :rofl:

(Stickin' with mammoth) #87

As I’m in Portland, I’d lay good money that there is a t-shirt somewhere that says “Freshly Baked.”

Edit: Google declares it so.

(Stickin' with mammoth) #88

I’d consider flying again if this were offered.

(Stickin' with mammoth) #89

Can confirm. I had a boyfriend who used to listen to Type O Negative on a depressing loop and he wasn’t good for much of anything, either.

(Robin) #90

Oh, so you’re the one who sent him my way….

(Stickin' with mammoth) #91

He was your typical Hot Pocket: hot on the outside, cold on the inside, and you always regret your impulse buy afterwards.

(Stickin' with mammoth) #92

So what? The witch inside still grants diabetes.

(Stickin' with mammoth) #93

The magic and majesty of a plant based diet.

(Stickin' with mammoth) #94

You can’t make this stuff up.

I’m checking out at Trader Joe’s today and the cashier starts laughing. He says the system is asking him to card me. I look at him. He holds up the bottle of Bourbon Vanilla Extract.

Society is definitely collapsing.

(Bacon is better) #95

My first drunk was on Nyquil cough syrup. I was eight or nine at the time, and it had the same proof (86) as Scotch whisky, back in those days; it even came with its own plastic shot glass for dosing. It only took one shot to get me snockered. Looking back, I can’t see how carding my mother, who was the one who bought it, could have prevented that drunk. I remember getting indignant that the Vicks Co. would lead an innocent eight-year-old into sin—we were Baptists—and not much after that. I sincerely hope I didn’t get up and dance while in that blackout! :scream:

(Robin) #96

Oh lord, Paul… that is one of your best stories. I hope you did dance and I hope someone had their gigantic camcorder out to preserve it for posterity.
I myself was introduced to scotch for sleeping with a cough or stopped up nose. I quickly became prone to colds and self medicating.

(Bacon is better) #97

Dancing! :scream:

The reason Baptists don’t have sex while standing up is because that might lead to dancing!

Of course, these days, I’m an Episcopalian. And I didn’t find out until I was a couple of years sober that we are called Whiskeypalians, because wherever two or three are gathered in the Lord’s name, there will also be a fifth. (rim-shot).

(Stickin' with mammoth) #98

(Bacon is better) #99

Love it!

As one Bishop famously said, the difficulty with the dry, tasteless wafers most parishes use is not believing that they are the Body of Christ, but believing they are bread!

(Stickin' with mammoth) #100