Unwanted Opinions - Rant

(Dee) #21

Good for you for not giving in! Imagine if that cake had somehow accidentally been mushed in her face… :smiley:

(Alec) #22

I think this is really important, it is what we used to call being assertive, but this thinking seems to have been somewhat lost. I strongly believe we train the people around us how to treat us, whether good or bad. Clearly and politely explaining what you believe is right and wrong is training people. I am sure some folks struggle with this because they don’t want to be aggressive or pushy, and they want people to like them. But it is important to do and it is a skill to do this strongly but without coming over as obnoxious. It ain’t easy, but it is quite possible, and very important. Otherwise you end up being pushed around by others in directions we don’t want to go.

I don’t drink alcohol at all any more, and this happens to me often. I am considered quite odd in not joining in the fun of drinking alcohol. I have been called a party-pooper a few times. My answer is always the same: “you have your fun, no dramas, but that’s not my idea of fun. I know that I will feel so much better tomorrow for having not drunk alcohol. Fancy a 10k run tomorrow morning at 6?” They never meet the challenge!

(Bella) #23

Doug,
Comments like that use to upset me but I see it now as motivation or even an opportunity to sass it up. More lipstick, a tighter dress, head held high and a bigger smile. Even a track suit can look sexy with the right stride :wink:

I now say a big “Thank you” for any snide comment because jealousy and bitchiness is not pretty :smirk:

(Maha) #24

You could also be direct and respond with “I don’t discuss my weight with others”, or lifestyle or health or whatever. If you keep saying that every time, they will stop.

I’ve also run into similar issues surrounding alcohol and religion. A simple “I don’t drink” or “I am not x” puts an end to it. I don’t explain myself unless I see value in it. But I control my information, and if I choose to share it I do, otherwise I keep it to myself.

In any case, good for on your journey and keep up your good work.

(Pete A) #25

Yes, this will happen. I have one liners that seem to keep people at bay. I also NEVER shared with anyone I was on this mission. Its no one’s business and was hard enough without unwanted comments.

Sorry you have to deal with morons @Slow-Steady, but glad you’re doing well!

(MooBoom) #26

I have theory that sabotagers try to push food on us to make themselves feel better about their choices. Like, if we eat the ‘bad’ food it’s not so bad when they choose to eat it.

They push us so hard to make themselves feel better. It’s never about us, it’s about them.

(MooBoom) #27

Oh I forgot to mention my fail safe conversation stopper:

Smile disarmingly and kindly say “why is it so important to you that I eat XYZ?”

That shuts ‘em up! :joy:

(Sophie) #28

If someone is pushing food, I just tell them I’m not hungry. And if they keep at it, I ask why should I eat if I’m not hungry, because everyone knows that you should eat less and exercise more, right? :roll_eyes:

(Jacquelyn Graham) #29

I am an older woman with a rather commanding “Mom/teacher voice.” Whenever I’ve been assaulted with ignorance regarding Keto, depending on how pushy the other party is, I generally assault back with the science behind this and educate them on how their body actually functions when drowned in carbs and sugar. With a kind look in my eyes, I let them know exactly what is going to happen in their system when they eat that cake. I am completely comfortable with multi syllabic medical terminology and continue on until the glazed looks in their eyes tell me they have reached the point where they are regretting ever broaching the subject. Then I offer to send them links to medical studies.

Interestingly enough, many of the people at work are now following this WOE. After two years of seeing me lose so much weight AND keep it off without being miserable, starving myself, or exercising like a crazy person, they have been coming to me more and more for the very links and information I offered. It’s been wonderful seeing them improve their lives with such a simple solution. Me, I simply KCKO. :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

(Mike) #30

I like using “if I want an ill informed opinion on my diet I’ll be sure to seek you out.” It works wonders.

(Karen Parrott) #31

I hold up my hand and say “Doctors orders”. I’m working with the doctor on this. I shut down weirdo comments fast.

I’m at goal weight 6 years, so when people tell me I’m killing myself, I whip out my before photo and say , more or less than the person in this photo ?(my BMI was 35, obesity class 2)

You can’t control peoples comments, however you can be 100% control of your response. Good boundaries are the key.

Remember the first rule of fasting and keto club: Dont’ talk about fasting or keto. LOL JK.

Best wishes on the better job. Doesn’t mean that the comments will stop. My insurance will take $60-100 away each month in discount if I regain. Funny, none of my coworkers want to pay my bills for insurance or fat pants for the regain. LOL.

#32

People can’t have a conversation with you without your permission. If someone asks you questions like this, you don’t have to answer them and you don’t have to discuss it. You can say something more vague like “I’m working with my doctor on that” and repeat that over and over until the person leaves you alone.

(bulkbiker) #33

With alcohol I usually find the “I’m a recovering alcoholic “ usually shuts them up…even though it’s not true.

(Steve) #34

One thing that I’ve done to people that are repeatedly negative (like, every time you run into them) - even more effective if there’s others there (but it clues them in that their opinions aren’t appreciated) - when I run into them, as they start to open their mouth, I quickly interject “Hold that thought”, then walk away, or keep walking past them. Heh. It’s not very subtle. Gets the point across without needing to be overly rude. :slight_smile:

(Samantha ) #35

For some reason your comment really caught my attention. I am 5.6 and my starting weight was 350. Since I started at 350 I know what I looked like at all the weights under that. There is documentation on both my twins phones from family functions. Millinials can’t pass up a photo opp even with their incredibly uncomfortable curvy mama. I’m pretty sure they don’t see me the way I see myself. Anyway I know that I look better at 225 but still heavy. My goal is 175 even though technically that would still be considered overweight. But I know I would feel comfortable and healthy at that weight. My extended family is always asking about my diet. We gather to eat food a lot together. Lol. I have 4 sister in laws and they get there outspokenness from their momma. She once greeted me with “have you gained more weight”. She was not a mean woman she was just blunt but I was embarrassed. Her daughters are always commenting on my weight. Well one day they were asking me some questions about my son who is trans and I am very proud but protective of my son. I looked at all four of them and said “isn’t it funny that when someone is overweight we ask incredibly personal questions about probably the most touchy topic in their life and when someone is trans or gay we ask incredibly personal questions about there sex life or even their genitalia” I continued “ I don’t think about my sons genitalia or sex life because he is 22 and that is his business not ours. Just like we shouldn’t ask people about their weight because they are grown and obviously struggling with issues. They nodded their heads and AGREED with me. They are all four very overweight and started a new conversation about how intrusive others can be with their weight like trying to get them to diet or complaining about Drs always telling them they need to lose weight. They have never said anything more about my weight or my journey. I drew strength from my child as a protective mama. Next time, hopefully I will draw strength on behalf of myself and gently explain that that isn’t an appropriate line of questioning. Thinking back on it I think my sister in laws just didn’t want me to not be part of the fat club anymore. Because if I could be there size and lose weight then it was a possibility for them as well and that takes work. And that first step is always daunting and seems impossible. I’m just going to stay the course. Anyways long story too long my point is that it is not okay to tolerate personal questions and it’s ok to kindly or unkindly remind people that that is not acceptable behavior in our society

(Dee) #36

Some people want to see you doing good, but never better than them. I agree, people need to be reminded. So often people will just blurt out what they’re thinking without care.

#37

Jackie,

I enjoyed your post re: Unwanted Opinions - Rant! I am also an oder woman, still working full-time, and was wondering if you might be willing to share any of your information arsenal (i.e., links to medical journal articles and any other useful info). I am only 7 weeks in, but want to be prepared if/when I am faced with defending my WOE! Also, I am just plain curious, for my own information. Reference librarians want to know! :slight_smile:

Thanks!
Debra

(Virginia Austin) #38

Next time just say no, I’m not having cake. Leave it at that. People love to be rude just ignore them and don’t give them information they don’t need to know.

(Dee) #39

In hindsight, and with all these helpful suggestions, I realize I unknowingly brought on these unwanted opinions. Next time my lips will be sealed.

(Jacquelyn Graham) #40

I generally dig through the Show Me The Science category for specific information. I’ve relied on the Keto Dudes, because they are so good at finding the latest studies. There’s something in there for just about everything. I also recommend The Big Fat Surprise and The Magic Pill.