Unwanted Opinions - Rant

(Dee) #1

I have the most annoying co-workers. Today was a co-worker’s birthday and we all huddled up to sing happy birthday and have cake. I sang the song and stuck around to listen to her birthday plans. One of my co-workers asks, “Are you having cake today?” I told her absolutely not! She said something about me being skinny now. I told her I am far from that, and have about 50 more to go.

I returned to my seat, shortly after a different co-worker came to my desk and asked, “Now, how many more pounds are you trying to lose?” I told her 50. She yells, “50???” with a screwed up face. i said. “Yes, 50!” She goes, “Wow, 50 more pounds and you will disappear.” (Mind you, this woman is almost 6 feet tall and cannot weigh more than 125. She is a very thin health nut who works out like her life depends on it and eats “healthy”)

My supervisor overheard our conversation and decides to jump in stating, “You probably won’t lose 50 more pounds, you’re looking at the scale; go by your measurements.” I let her know I look at both, the number is more of a ideal goal, but I am definitely more interested in how I feel and will look when all is said and done. Eventually, they changed the subject.

They have no boundaries! We. Are. Not. Friends! I do my best to avoid the woman who asked me how much more I wanted to lose because she is SOOO nosey! She isn’t asking out of concern but to be NOSEY and talk about me later on when I am not here.

I weigh 222 pounds and am 5’6, I have plenty more visible fat on me. One could say I could stand to lose more than 50. I have always carried my weight pretty well I assume. Why do people think it’s okay to hand out their opinions? If I wanted to discuss the topic, I would have asked her what she thought, don’t ya think?

I suppose I could look at this whole situation as an NSV being that several of my co-workers called me “skinny” today. Problem is I fail to see what they see.

I interviewed Wednesday for a much better job and I am seriously hoping I get the job. It has great benefits, pay and the best part of all? I can get away from the nosiest crew I have ever had the displeasure of working with in my life!

Rant over… (exhale)

(Bella) #2

Good for you Dee

I am about the same size and height.
A colleague said to me recently, “you carry your weight well for a big girl”:rage:
and a couple of “nice booty Id love one like yours”:rage:

A woman I hated would stare, and look me up and down, but not say anything to me, but comment loudly in tea room about how well I was doing to everyone :rage:

Good luck for the job
“no comment is the best response to a fool”

(Dee) #3

Yes the small waist, booty and wide hips make things smaller than they appear. :wink:
I wish I could ignore her, sadly we work closely together.

(Bella) #4

its a shame (some) women have to be this way with each other :slightly_frowning_face:

(Karen) #5

Our body focus is unfortunate.

K

(Dee) #6

This is true.

#7

Agree, this is incredibly annoying and inappropriate. I wouldn’t engage with her (or your supervisor) at all about your path; if you don’t want it to be their business, don’t answer any more specific questions. Can you deflect rather than answer? or just “wow, you seem really interested in my weight. Why is that?”

(Dee) #8

I like that suggestion. I try to engage with her as little as possible but she doesn’t let that stop her. She is very intrusive. I will definitely try that.

#9

Let us know how it goes! I think sometimes we feel obligated to respond to people, but unless the person is your doctor, there is just no reason - ever! - to have to answer questions about your weight or health.

(Dee) #10

You’re absolutely right. I need to adopt that attitude in this atmosphere.

(icky) #11

I’ve never had this happen about weight (I am TOFI) but I’ve seen it happen to friends a LOT and have always been appalled at the intrusiveness/ lack of respecting basic boundaries.

I have had the same happen to me with a different health issue, where people felt free to comment randomly and it really used to upset me when I was younger.

When I was in my mid to late 20s, I stopped answering peoples’ questions. I found a slightly humorous/ slightly snippish way of letting them know they were being inappropriate.

Funnily enough, after a while (a couple of years) the questions actually STOPPED.

It was as if people could sense in my aura/ my mojo/ my mood/ my energy/ whatever, that I was not up for stupid questions like that and that they would be getting a snippish remark, if they “tried me”.

I’m not spiritual and don’t actually believe in auras, but it was as if this was something I needed to settle with “the universe” and once I was clear within myself and with the universe that I would not be putting up with any more boundary crossing on this particular health issue, it “went away”. (The boundary crossing went away, not the health issue.)

I think previously, I was sending out subtle, subliminal, subconscious signals that I was “willing” to engage.

The process took a lot of work and courage, but now I find people “think twice” before they’re willing to disrespect me or cross my boundaries, and that’s been a cool personal growth thing.

(Jim) #12

In all examples the best plan is to have the “one liner” answer that you give to everyone, everytime. Some folks are a bit more clueless than others but once they “know” what you will say they stop asking. As long as you don’t waver it takes all their fun away.

Although some fools can be very clueless … for those a stick usually helps (don’t let HR catch you doing this)!

(Samer Marcos) #13

The sad thing is that we as a society don’t do that to recovering alcoholics or druggies. We don’t say, “oh go on, have a couple drinks” or “go on, you can snort a few lines without lapsing”. But when its sugar there are a hundred people lined up to tell you that you can “break from your diet” just for today and get back on track tomorrow. I’ve yet to see one person say “oh good for you! Who needs sugar”. That’s going to be my response whenever I run into someone else who avoids sugar.

(icky) #14

Unfortunately, Sam, this is not true.

Any recovering addict know that their “friends” are constantly pushing them to go back to old habits.

Many addicts have to cut off contact with their entire previous set of friends and acquaintances, to stop it happening.

Plus, at social events, drinking alcohol is considered “fun and normal” and this can be done in a pushy way.

(Marta Loftfield) #15

@Slow-Steady you need to put on your best southern accent and say “Well, bless your heart”. Smile sweetly and walk away.

#16

Ha!! I love this!

(Dee) #17

Great response :rofl:

(Dee) #18

You have a very valid point. :thinking:

(Doug) #19

Bella, the sheer backhandedness of that makes me shake my head. People… :roll_eyes:

(clane) #20

I had my first keto challenge at work this past friday. We had a work lunch/celebration at a super fancy restaurant in town (yes we are very spoiled) My food was great, they happily adjusted what I ordered to fit into my requirements - then came the dreaded CAKE. The person sitting beside me is an amatuer nutritionalist - she just finished some course somewhere or other -

  • first she offered me a piece I smiled and said no thanks - she literally waved it under my nose going ’ 1 little piece wont’ hurt!’
    Oh yes it will, there is likely what… 100g of sugar in that fancy 3 layer iced piece! (random guess!)

Then she proceeded to say she wanted to work with me one on one, talking about some GAP diet that leads to Keto eventually – like…months and months down the road as she explained it… trying to pressure me- I was like uhm… I’m already in keto, why would I go backwards? (politely as I could!)
She wasn’t too thrilled with that. But I stayed the course .