Thank you so much for the kind words. Means a lot. Oh and sorry for taking so long to get back to posting. Life you know 
Well I’ve been home for a while now, but I guess the camp is the real story.
Arriving camp was very special. Hectic energy and a lot of stressed people, which got me even more stressed out. I got my room key and got settled and looked at the schedule for the stay and I was almost crushed, the reality of it all sunk in so hard it was overwhelming. Right then and there I thought about reversing the unpacking and head for the hills luckily I stayed.
First day was information, medical check ups, tours of the facilities and getting eased into routines like meal time etc.
The first week was not as tough as I feared ahead of time. Even if we did 3 sessions with physical exercise each day. During the weekend it was only 2 per day. I guess first week it was all new, and they started off in moderate tempo.
Week 2 they crank’d the knob up a bit. We all had to work harder but still doable. And my body was cooping wonderfully. No joint or back pain at all. And I was in no worse shape or form then the other participants. Sadly that actually helped me a lot and gave me a mental boost, I guess I had a lot of fear of being the person in worst shape or form, the one that might not make it to the end or the one that is holding others back. Competitive by nature it seems, but not so much that I need to win. I just don’t feel good if my results are at the bottom of the list.
The hardest part was the lack of “me time”. Where ever I went there was lots of people around, same at meal time and the only place to unwind was in the solitude of my room, so I was not really getting to know the others very well in the start. Because come evening I needed to retract to my sanctuary and have some quiet time, just being alone. I live alone and have for some years and the change from having almost too much alone time to having none at all was hard to deal with. Then I also needed the rest. Can’t remember when I’ve slapt as deeply as I did the first 3-4 weeks at camp. The camp was physically very hard yet manageable, but mentally it was a really challenge. By design I think. That forced me to really think things trough, to draw some lines, prioritize what was most important for me and say no to what would else interfere.
Why I write this is because I’ve learned that I have a strange personality. I have always gone to the end of the world for others, but rarely for myself. And that kind of pattern turned into my self destructive life style, where food became my release, my hope and my comfort.
About food, there was no keto. It was old school healthy food. I committed to a keto break and just dug in. I still did keto coffee, ketones as supplement and didn’t think much of it. Being honest, it was kind of nice to just be catered to food wise. Because everything else was so intense.
Week three was still harder, longer classes longer walks heavier lifting etc. We helped each other, supported each other and we somehow was able to absorb the increase in intensity. By the end of week three I was also getting more used to the new settings, I started to enjoy the the company of others in new ways. I didn’t need as much alone time and I was spending more time in company with others before bed time. Which was rewarding in so many ways.
Because we where all so free, we all struggled with the same issues more or less. And could talk freely without shame or without holding back. And I think we talked and vented decades of frustration and hurt feelings just by being real. And it was so nice to get to know other in the same situation, but on a much deeper level then you would get to know them anywhere else. I think that was a result of us sharing the same load and being there in the same place struggling with our past and looking forward to a better tomorrow.
I made to the middle of 5th week before I noticed joint pain. Talking with the team around us we decided to stop the walks and spend more time in he gym and pool. Worked wonders. I could continue working hard and I was not held back of pain. And kept things like that to the very end.
Weight loss wise, I lost 18 kilos @ camp. Less then I hoped for but the real win was increased stamina and being able to exercise so hard without any medical problems. It was also a great thing to have done so many different exercises. And many of them didn’t even feel like exercise. Like tennis, badminton, volleyball and basketball. It was a game, it was competition, it was a challenge and most of all, it was so much fun. It felt like fun and games and didn’t feel like a physical exercise. So these thing I will find ways to do also in the future. Never thought I would enjoy the exercise, because I thought the hardship and the work of it with cast big shadows over the fun part. Turns out I was so wrong. The same with swimming. I battled the clock in the pool, and it was such a high to beat my own time, to be able to swim faster for longer. To feel the body changing and actually working, even after so many years of sedentary lifestyle.
When I got home I restarted keto life. Getting back to work was horrible. I was buried in work, and I just recently caught up. On top of the increased work load I had to find time to go for walks, swimming and to the gym.
I was gonna do a 72 hour fast to kick start keto. But after 3 days it felt like nothing. So I added one more day. Then I decided to go for a week long fast. I ended up fasting for 12 days. On day 12 I got severe back pain and was feeling so weak and empty. I caved and had me several small meals all containing a tiny bit of carbs as well as fat and protein. The 12 days fast was a huge mental win. And I now feel more mentally strong and ready for anything then ever before. And to my surprise I’ve learned that I am able to change my ways and commit.
I think the long fast gave me the mental boost to really dig into all the work that was piling up on my desk at work. Long hours, but not without “me time”. I made sure I took time to exercise as planned, not really hard as I was fasting but still taking care of myself and making changes for a better tomorrow.
I think one 3 days fast a month from here on will do. But we will see.
I am not strictly OMAD now. Because working out 4-6 times a week requires more fuel. I go to the gym 3 times a week. The other days I either go swimming, or taking long walks or just take a spinning class if weather is a no go. But I do keep a 16-8 window for eating.
The adjustments to this hectic and busy life is a bit of hard stretch. It is still hard getting used to not planting my heny in the coach for several hours each day. And the exercise kind of feels like a chore. Something I really should do. I really hope that will change over time.
Considering seeking help from a NLP coach to deal with that. To avoid falling back into old habits and patterns of thinking. Still the living room coach is calling for me as soon as I enter home after work. But I’ll try my best not to spend much time there, a coach and a TV can really make you numb to your inner feelings and accelerate the path to misery.
I will make sure to carve out some forum time each week.
To all of you wonderful people on the forum, thanks a lot for all your cheering and encouragement that really helped a lot when I was starting this journey.
