My husband and family make me sad

[Val_Bundy]

So I have been Keto for a little over a month…since Sept. 11th…I’ve lost 22 lbs…which nobody has noticed…which kind of makes me feel bad but I try to tell myself that it’s about how I feel not what other people see. I feel so much better not only about myself but the aches and pains in my body have decreased significantly…I don’t really have the energy that I hear so many people talk about but I’m hoping that will come with time.

Yet tonight I sit here in tears because my husband can be such a jack a$$ sometimes. I have never told him that he shouldn’t eat something or told him that we couldn’t go out to eat…I just don’t eat some of the things we use to eat when we go out but I always find something that I would consider ok for Keto. I know probably not the best quality and I’m sure there are hidden carbs or something somewhere…I always fix him what he wants even if I don’t eat it…I have not made him get rid of his chips or other carbby delights…yet…

Tonight he starts in on how this “diet” has stopped us from eating out and that I don’t ever eat anything but meat and how I’m going to piss my grandmother off at thanksgiving. Yes my grandmother will probably be pissed off because this weekend I did not eat her dessert at dinner and she was very upset because my mom and I aren’t eating sugar or grains or starches…

Oh and then he starts in on how my mom and I are always doing these fad diets together and how messed up it is…

I know I just need to not listen to these people and keep doing what is good for my body but I’m just so upset and I wanted to vent where I thought someone might understand…all I asked was for him to support my decision and all he can do is tell me how inconvenient it is for him…ugh

[Bellyman]

Oh, I think he’s noticed. He’s probably feeling guilty that he’s not being more supportive and not wanting to do it with you. He thinks if you hold to your new way of eating, you’ll make him look bad to other people.

Eat the things you choose to eat and don’t eat the things you choose not to eat. If you choose to eat the veggies you can, fine. If you choose not to, fine. If you choose to have a tiny bite of a dessert just to say you’ve tasted it and say how good it is, so be it. If not, it’s your decision and there’s nothing wrong with that.

As you continue to look better and better, your successes will start to speak more and more for you.

Also, I recently found out that I can’t “cheat” in any significant way without fairly significant ramifications, i.e. bloating, gas, even a case of the runs. A spoonful here and there, I can handle. A major infraction and I’m gonna pay! I hope it won’t be that way so much for you but it’s something I can now put into my answer when someone says, “why not just for today…”

Hang in there!

[collaroygal]

So sorry you are not getting support from your hubby. Some men don’t really want their woman to lose weight. Makes you more desirable to others.

How can he possibly know your grand will be pissed off? Does he have a crystal ball or something. And if she is, she doesn’t love you the way she should. She should be happy for anything that makes you healthier and happier, if she doesn’t why should you care?

I think it is great if you and your Mom are sharing WOE plans, keto or whatever. Just stand tall with her at family get togethers and support each other. Holidays are such a mixed blessing.

If you haven’t stopped eating out with him. Point that out to him and mention you are cooking anything he asks of you. What more does he expect?

Just remember your successes and Keep Calm and Keto On. Come here if you need to vent or just look for some support. Big hug sent your way, you can do this.

[Val_Bundy]

Thank you! Yes my hubby says why not just eat the dessert…well because I know what happens when I do…I just crave more and more…I just can’t do it…not right now…

Last thing he said to me was " I’ll be waiting for you when your done with this diet". Ugh

[Val_Bundy]

Thank you! That means a lot

[PaulL]

Stayed overnight with a friend back in the old neighborhood. We talked about how much weight I had been losing by cutting out sugar and carbs and eating keto, and in the morning what does she make for me? French toast with maple syrup! :doh:

Fortunately, I learned long ago in early sobriety that often, the very people who think we need to change our way of life are the same people who sabotage our efforts. The changes we make throw off the dynamics of the whole relationship, and most people are uncomfortable being forced to change in reaction. About all you can do is to keep calm and keto on.

[Madeleine]

@Val_Bundy Val, good luck to you! There are a few threads on here about folks with unsupportive spouses (or spouses who eventually came around, or at least accepted it). Sometimes the change is just really threatening to a partner (not just the weight loss part, but the change itself - in your habits together, in your shifting attitude about health and food and yourself). If there’s some way that you can pull yourself out of that dynamic, even in little ways, so that you don’t defend what you’re doing or even explain it for now - just do your thing, and change the subject often.

KC and KO, smile, and let him have his tantrum; it has nothing to do with you.

My 4yo (vegetarian) nephew recently put his hands on his hips when his grandmother offered him some meat and said indignantly, “Why do you want me to eat something that I TOLD you I don’t want to eat?” [maybe not the best example on this particular forum but I love how he turned it around and made it about her actions rather than his choices]

Good for you for doing this wonderful thing for yourself!! Congrats on sticking to it - you’ve already done what’s generally the hardest part for folks - and keep coming back to the forum for support. Lots of amazing people on here, and many have gone through the same thing.

[mikpaq]

Yes my hubby says why not just eat the dessert…

Here, have this one cigarette…

I try to think of carbs this way now. How many people are getting diabetes, cancer, high blood pressure, etc… all from eating too many refined carbs. Someday we will look at carbs they way we now look at cigarettes, but it will be a long time before this happens. You are just ahead of the curve.

[Jo_Burger]

Just wanted to add some support. I would be so lost without the support of my wife on this journey!! I think you must have bucket loads of strength to kc+ko in the face of actual opposition. I struggle and all my obstacles are imagined.

[Cailynq]

@Val_Bundy

Do your own thing. Hubby will be grumpy because you are changing, but if it leads to a healthier or happier you, he will become supportive. Change is always scary and if one partner is changing, then the other goes along kicking and screaming!

I have to say, I am proud of you. Losing 22 lbs this fast is an amazing achievement! Yes, it’s hard no one notices. Cut your hair, but a new outfit and I’ll bet people will notice. There’s nothing wrong with wanting the positive reinforcement and encouragement.

Come to us for support right now, I’ll bet G-ma will be proud of your dedication and weight loss.

[Shortstuff]

Yeah… just have a little bit of this heroin, it won’t hurt…

The way you feel in yourself matters more than anything else. Sounds to me that he’s seeing changes and feeling rather insecure so trying to “fix” things by bringing you back down below him. Stay focused on YOU and your wellbeing <3

[PGG]

I’m so sorry you are in this situation. I felt sad too when I read your post, it struck a cord with me. My husband actually doesn’t mind how I eat and can see that I look and feel good on my way of eating. But he often makes fun of me - not really in a mean way, and sometimes he’s actually quite funny, but it’s fairly constant and I feel that on some level it devalues what I do - which is something for my health. He is quite a serious guy and by making fun of me is his way of saying he doesn’t take it seriously (or me).

It’s a small thing and nothing like you have to deal with but I think woman have to put up with this a lot. I guess our husbands have seen us try many diets over the years and seen us fail. I also think that women are more likely to be people pleasers and so we give in when we think others might be upset. I know that if my husband tried a new way of eating (especially if it’s for his cycling, which is of course serious lol) then I would bend over backwards to support him and more importantly he would go ahead and do his thing anyway without a care in the world.

Before all the guys on here get upset I think you are all wonderful and do understand - but I know so many women you won’t change the way they eat because it would upset their husband/family.

You are doing a great job - carry on the good work and stay strong.

[KHAN]

Hang in there. You know what you have to do.
And more importantly, you know why you must.

KCKO.

[Darlene_Horsley]

I just want to add how successful you are by losing 22 pounds! I’m sad that you feel nobody has noticed but try to keep in mind that those who see you on a daily basis aren’t going to notice.The fact that they see you every day and you didn’t drop it in one day makes it hard to see for them. Someone who hasn’t seen you in 6 months will notice it immediately!
Keep it up girl and ignore the naysayers!

[Ernest]

That’s rough but honestly, our health is in our own hands. Yes, that includes spouses.
Again, don’t even try to argue. Win people over by your actions and results. Don’t bother trying to argue.

About nobody noticing the results…FALSE!! I bet you everyone has noticed. But what does that matter? You are getting healthy for you. That’s what counts.

I preach to kids about the dangers of sugar, I don’t bother with adults.

[Stephil]

I love this quote. Going to print it out and keep it with me. I struggle to stay positive because I get stuck in the rut of “It won’t fix my problems if I’m positive” but now I have more motivation to keep my head held high.

[Stephil]

I am so sorry you are having to go through this but luckily you have this huge community to support you and you have your mother with you on the journey.
I’m only 2 months in and I got my husband to join in finally but when I started researching keto and dipping my toes in my husband was very dismissive of it. I had done many fad diets over the years and they were usually very inconvenient for him to work around and I never stuck with them longer than a few weeks. He dismissed this at first but once he saw how happy I was, how easy it was to stick with and how many benefits I was having, he changed his mind. It really didn’t inconvenient him at all. We could make steak and potatoes and I’d just eat the steak with a tab of butter. He is now on the keto bandwagon and loves it and apologized for how rude he was about it.
Hopefully your husband will see with time that this isn’t just a fad diet but something that you can really stick with and something that is healthy (unlike fad diets). He probably sees the results but is too proud or stubborn to acknowledge them for now.
This community is here for you in the meantime.

[Saphire]

I can relate as well. Been dieting seriously since last November, Keto since mid April. Lost most of the weight (so far) by July. However, people did not really notice until the end of August, sometimes Keto weight has to redistribute for people to notice. It is weird but now I get the opposite reaction even though I have not lost much in the last two months (about 50 lbs total) and people who have seen me in July all of a sudden go, Wow you lost so much.

As for my family, I have all sorts of weird eating habits (gluten intolerance) so no one ever notices what I eat, I was fasting for 5 days and no one noticed except my teenage daughter who staged an intervention because she was worried that I was becoming anorexic or something. She forced me to take her to eat (ruined a very nice fast!) Now she sees the results and is ok with it. With prior diets, H did act as an enabler at times, buying me chocolate for birthdays or as a treat even though he knew I was trying to stay away from sugar.

With keto, I felt so great by May that I started feeling guilty that I was not including him and letting him suffer on SAD. So I told him when the kids go to camp he will start to eat right. This is the first time I have ever intervened in his diet, we made a deal early on before kids that we were both adults and would never discuss weight. He thought that meant whole grains until I corrected him. He has been on Keto since July and has lost 25lbs and is very happy I am usually cooking dinner every night (before would only cook about 4 nights a week). It is not a problem with the kids, I make whatever protein and vegetable I will make anyway and then add a carb side dish for them to eat

[netposer]

And that PW avatar of yours!!

[Jo_Burger]

I’m guessing that Australian keto pennywise fans would be a niche. They are touring here at the end of the month.