Keto Complaint Department


“Keto made me naked! I swear, officer!”

(Now known as "DR JUICE" - it's just that easy! JUICE DC (Doctor of Comedy)) #1337

Swearing is only going to make it worse, you know.

(Carl Keller) #1338

In America, swearing is a constitutional right.

(Now known as "DR JUICE" - it's just that easy! JUICE DC (Doctor of Comedy)) #1339

Yes, but what you CAN do and what is SMART to do aren’t always in alignment :slight_smile:

(Take time to stop and eat the bacon!) #1340

Fucking A, man! :+1:

(Clare) #1341

Great - I spent two weeks off work for Christmas so didn’t do my. normal daily bike rides, doing nothing more strenuous than walking the dog and I didn’t manage to put any bloody weight on at all. Instead I just found that I wasn’t as hungry and so never managed to get through all the paté, cheese and salami I’d bought.
And to make matters worse, when I did finally get back on my bike yesterday, I didn’t even appear to have lost much of my fitness.
How exactly am I meant to justify torturing myself with some variety of January hairshirt diet bullshit when absolutely everything is fine?

Keto is the worst.

(John) #1342

Agreed. I lost 10 pounds over the holiday season. I have NOTHING to wring my hands over and I feel so left out of the January seasonal “resolution” social activities. I didn’t get to participate in the binging, and now I don’t get to participate in the remorse.

I feel so anti-social.

And as long as I am complaining - I have blown through my old wardrobe so fast that I am getting into the territory where I no longer kept the older clothes and may have to buy new ones - but I am concerned that I won’t get to wear them long enough to get my money’s worth.

(Clare) #1343

Buy a belt and pass the cheese.

(Carolyn aka stokies) #1344

Gonna need to resize wedding rings. :open_mouth:

(bulkbiker) #1345

Mine went down 5 full sizes!

(Carolyn aka stokies) #1346

WOW! You rocked it!


I didn’t gain a single gram during the holidays…i can’t go on crazy diets that only last for a few days and/or complain about my bloated stomach and how much food I ate and how much money I spent on food…damn…

(Take time to stop and eat the bacon!) #1348

My butt’s now too small to hold up my 38" jeans. Am I going to have to drill yet another hole in my belt? C’mon, keto! :rofl:

(Whole Lotta Rosie The Riveter ) #1349

I went on a butt building bender in order to keep my jeans up & I lost 3 cm :confounded:

(Now known as "DR JUICE" - it's just that easy! JUICE DC (Doctor of Comedy)) #1350

Like me and keto, you’re clearly doing it wrong.

(Whole Lotta Rosie The Riveter ) #1351

I needs the exogenous ketones :wink:

(David) #1352

I just had to get my hands wet washing some cutlery, a pan and some cups.

The reason this is a keto complaint is that I’m 28 hours into an expected 48-hour fast, and I wanted to tidy my sink off, and there isn’t enough stuff to put in the dishwasher to warrant putting it on.

(David) #1353

Another complaint, I have to put up with my colleagues telling me that my bacon and boiled egg breakfast (with bacon nectar dripping off the bacon BTW) is somewhere “between death and poison”. I just chuckled as he spooned a mouthful of granola and almonds into his mouth.

Another colleague told me that I would be ‘eating something by tomorrow lunchtime’ (24 hours after I started my fast), and that he couldnt’ do it because he would be hangry. Well, that lunchtime was 5 and a half hours ago, and I’m fasted at 28:28:28 (yes I waited a few seconds so I could type that last 28 :joy:

This morning he asked me what I had brought in for lunch.

I’m going to send him a WhatsApp of me having my break fast tomorrow or Sunday. A nice juicy Rib eye with lashing of butter on it.

(Now known as "DR JUICE" - it's just that easy! JUICE DC (Doctor of Comedy)) #1354

You can still hide them in the dishwasher.

(David) #1355

I could, but I will want to use the items tomorrow or Sunday when I have break fast.