Keto, body image, and dysmorphia

(Jennie) #21

This is SUCH an important topic. Years ago I went through a phase where I lost weight and was more fit than I’d ever been. The attention I received both stroked my ego and insulted me.

Why didn’t I receive that kind of attention at a heavier weight?
Were people really that shallow that who I WAS as a human mattered less than my fat tissue?

That was a devastating reality I wasn’t ready to face - so I ignored it. I couldn’t come to grips with that kind of human flaw. I gained weight back, but this time I felt SAFE behind it because I no longer received the ego-stroking attention from before.

Now, I think of being a different (smaller) size and it makes me a little nervous - I know what it’s like to feel “body shamed” simply because someone else is a different shape. I hate to think of making someone else feel like that. It’s specifically obvious to me with the people I am always with NOW - future friends will never know what I WAS and friends from the past don’t know what I am NOW, but those who watch are reacting in very strange ways. Comments that make me uncomfortable. I’ve tried to just “let it go” but it’s like it makes a certain part of my brain itch. It just irritates me to no end.

Then, you add what Larry mentioned (elsewhere) about feeling like a fraud and I relate to that. I don’t feel like I can tell people, “Listen, I was REALLY sick and needed to get in front of it.” I feel like people would back off if I said that. (Saying that, I’m sure everyone has stories proving otherwise! :smile:) I can tell people I am doing this for my health, but some treat me like I’m being vain.

When the dudes announced their change from Facebook to here, I almost panicked. This community has been such an encouragement when I feel SO frustrated by all the negativity.

I’m so glad to see this community continuing to function well and strive to be a part of the change.

(Richard Morris) #22

Yeah it was a bit scarey making that call too … but we had to do it. Facebook was taking an inordinate effort just to keep the group social and productive.

I’m with you on the community aspect - great to see it up and running so quickly.

(darlee44) #23

I was the same way with my kids growing up, but now I regret it. Such a precious time in their lives and the deserved to have pics with their mama…whether plump or not!

#24

Yes, yes, yes. You know what else I found about losing the weight? I lost lot and also had plastic surgery to trim off the saggy bits so within a few years I transformed into basically a pretty good body. I started getting some attention, looks and comments that I did not like. I am starting to work with it now but it triggered events from my past that were deeply uncomfortable. This is not an easy process on so many different levels, many of which are totally unexpected. You will always have a safe place here with us @Jennie. xxx

(David K) #25

I have noticed this as well. I know I am getting smaller by the way my clothes and other things fit, (seat belts, etc…) but when I look in the mirror, I don’t think I look any different.

(melinda) #26

Yeah one thing that’s a different for me is that I was a “fat” kid too so when I see people talk about fitting into their high school jeans, I’m like, “me too! Except that’s not a good thing.”

I was skinny until I hit 8 years old when I blew up. A lot of physical and psychological things play into that, but I had the distinction of being both the shortest person in the room and the heaviest person in the room for almost my whole life.

It’s a part of my identity- I don’t know what it will be like to look different. It’s scary. There’s a certain invisibility that comes with being a fat woman that I’m now losing.

(Jennie) #27

I completely agree! I’m thrilled by the efficiency of this forum. I can’t imagine what a beast that Facebook page with all those posts is. Was? I like how you guys gave the notice and allow a time to wean off of one forum to the next. Pretty smooth seeming. :smile: All you dudes rock!

(Jennie) #28

Boy Dais, that hits the spot. I deeply respect your journey and willingness to lift people up. Life is weird and sometimes kinda…tricky. It’s nice to know you aren’t alone. <3

(Jennie) #29

Yep Yep Yep. The mind game behind it all is SO unexpected and bizarre. We let our body define us. And even if we don’t “let” it, it does.

(No I'm not mad - that's just my face) #30

Yes! Me too.

(Queen Lulu) #31

It’s totally a psychological game. I’ve battled food addiction/compulsive eating since I was a child. This is the first find in my life that I feel like I have some control over myself. Even weight loss surgery didn’t give me this satisfaction like keto does and I have nothing else to pin it on except that keto must have balanced my hormones to where I don’t have cravings and obsess over my next meal.
I’ve read magazines since I was a preteen and I’m 100% certain those played a monstrous role in my lack of confidence.
I had to take a progress photo this morning just to assure myself that I have changed. It hasn’t been as fast as others’ but 25 lbs in three months? I’ll take it.

(cqtcmg) #32

Funny thing–body perceptions. When I was in college and weighed in the 130s I thought I looked very fat. Later in life, when I was in the 190s and looked in the mirror, I couldn’t see how heavy I really was. It was only by looking at photographs taken of me that I could more accurately assess my status.

(Kathy Meyer) #33

I understand this 100% – but my husband has no idea what I’m talking about, especially when I say I don’t really know what I look like. It’s very difficult to explain to someone who hasn’t gone through it. This morning when I got out of bed and looked down at my legs I didn’t recognize them as mine – weird stuff like this happens all the time. Glad to have a forum to share this.

(Michael Iafrato ) #34

You may have to leave the confines of your small town. There are places online where you can find people who appreciate larger women. Then you might only take photos from the neck down so no one knows it’s you.

(melinda) #35

Lol, I’ve lived all over the country and I’m engaged.

(RavenRed) #36

Agreed. I had told myself that the 20 lb. weight loss I just finished didn’t really “count” because I had lost it already on Keto a couple years ago and didn’t stick with it. It was nice to see the numbers going down, but I was so convinced I wasn’t really getting anywhere until I’d dropped below that point. It makes me wonder how many different ways I will find to get in my own way, or down-play my success because I’m not going to look like the magazines - EVER. I’ve let go of some of it, but what’s left hiding and lurking that I didn’t know was so deep-seated.

I am grateful that I’m recognizing at least part of it, when I think it. I think this WOL is just as much about learning to give myself grace.

(Catherine Harrison) #37

I’ve got around 6-8kg to get to my ideal weight, but I’m hovering 3kg heavier on the scales than I would normally be. Thankfully, I don’t see this too much in the mirror, but I’m still conscious of it. I’ve been keto for nearly 4 months. Ive had very few cheats other than a couple of alcoholic drinks on a weekend, but not getting the results I expected. I wish I could be happy with how I look but until I get to that target weight I just can’t be satisfied. Going to try ‘dry Jan’ and aim for less dairy in Jan too to try and kickstart the loss. Thanks for posting this. It’s a really important discussion.

#38

@Cat_Harrison, are you taking measurements? It may be that you’re burning fat, but also increasing muscle, hence a greater density. So while the scales are going up a little, you might find that your waistline is going in the other direction.

(Catherine Harrison) #39

You’re probably right. Haven’t taken measurements, but sounds a good idea. I’m also doing more cardio than weight training, so could perhaps incorporate a bit more of that into my weekly regime.

(Jordie) #40

I definitely have had that dysmorphia at times on my 6 weeks of keto - clothes are getting looser, scales are showing weight loss, but looking in the mirror and seeing myself as fatter than ever. It was a weird two weeks.
For me, it wasn’t til I got over my body hatred (reading the tumblr fuckyeahbodypositivity was a key aspect of this for me) that I was able to get any traction on reducing my weight - because I was doing it out of love for myself, not out of hatred. I’m also trying to focus on how keto eating is making me feel so much more energetic and alive, and healing my husband’s T2D (he got his first 6.8 BG reading two days ago, down from 30+(!) 6 weeks ago); rather than the weight loss and change to my body shape and composition.
I am also lucky to have a great personal trainer who completely respects my request that we not have any talk about or focus on weight loss as a goal or outcome of my training, and he’s fantastic at pointing out my strength and flexibility gains instead.