I've lost a lot of weight, wife gaining weight, doesn't believe in Keto - what to do?

(Marianne) #41

Oh, God bless!!! I love to hear that. That is my husband, too. Before keto when I was really overweight, it would always shock me when he would take my hand in public because I felt so ashamed for him because of my appearance. John is fit and in shape and has a nice physique. I would feel so bad for him having someone such a mess on his arm. It never mattered to him. :pleading_face::cry::innocent:

(Denise) #42

First, sad but true, until a person “wants” to change themselves, you may as well let her go on the way she is. Also, if she is eating little, and snacking a lot, she is not eating enough good nutrition that is needed to lose weight. That is the saddest part of over-weight people, or at least the 2nd saddest next to health issues, is that they still believe in eat less, lose weight. But it’s bound to work, but is it water, fat, or lean muscle mass :frowning:

You just keep going and stick here with us because I don’t see these “buddy” plans working that great because is one relapses (for lack of more descriptive word) the other will follow to keep the peace :frowning: If she is bitchen, she is angry with herself, not you, I would at least hope that is the case. Her issues are NOT your fault. She would be wise to seek counseling, or at least talk to other women that have the Keto Diet goin on.

Too many rely only on their mate instead of making some healthy friends. She feels she is losing you is my guess, and she will push you away, at least for a time if she doesn’t start look at herself and see what needs to be fixed in her.

Reminds me of the wife or husband that longs for their mate to drink with them again, after the other gets sober, don’t give in. I am so sorry you have to go through this but I so hope she comes round, or at least accepts the fact you are going to keep of improving your health. Denise

(Doug) #43

Exactly - like 1/5 or even 1/10 the price.

(Joey) #44

So you can take care of her when her problems get worse. That’s what you signed up for :wink:

Brilliant :+1:

(Denise) #45

I agree Someguy, I can’t stand the “throw away relationships” unless there is some sort of abuse going on, not just normal battle of the sexes stuff, not what I mean :rofl:

That had to hurt Robin, you may have gotten fat but you took care of that didn’t you. I’m glad for you he’s your X. Good for you!

(Bob M) #46

I can feel my blood sugar going up just reading that…:wink: Seriously, though, I remember when I have ice cream why ice cream is bad for me: not only do I feel worse, but I get hungry afterwards. When I had my CGM, I could see why: my blood sugar would dip into the “red” zone I had set. So, ice cream was causing hunger.

(Denise) #47

Geez, that sounds like my sister, not a clue that they’re addicts, maybe even worse than some drugs from what I’ve found.

(Laurie) #48

I don’t even want most people to know what I eat, as everyone thinks I want to hear their opinion about it (I do not). But with a spouse you can’t avoid their knowing. In general though, I think it’s best to avoid discussing, which can lead to arguing.

If you’re eating regular foods like meat and vegetables (as opposed to keto “products”), I doubt very much that you’re spending a lot on food. But maybe best not to discuss that either.

I used to cook supper for myself and my boyfriend. Meat and vegetables for me, and the same for him – plus a potato.

The psychological stuff, like thinking you’re going to be more attractive and leave her … just reassure her that it isn’t true. Tell her what you told us, about how precious she is to you. If she still has hangups, there’s not much you can do. Good luck.


When we were raising pigs, we used to pick up discarded food from a supermarket. We had a standing arrangement with them.

Lots of produce that may or may not have a wilted leaf or a wrinkle or maybe it was just that the new shipment had come in and they needed the space.

Sometimes they received more than ordered and tossed the brand new, fresh stuff. One time we got 20 gallons of fresh milk because the supplier had sent too many and it was cheaper to discard them than to ship them back.

We got meats and canned stuff too. Our pigs ate like kings and so did we.

BTW, best tasting pork we ever had. The pigs had an acre pasture plus all the quality food they wanted. They foraged, played soccer and rolled tires. They lined the inside of their shelter with straw. They had a mud pond to roll in. (keeps them from getting sun burned and keeps insects off). They led fun lives and were active and had a varied diet.
When they got big and greedy and belligerent, the local butcher would show up and, one by one, shoot them directly in the head. The had a refrigerated truck and hung the dispatched pigs in there. The pigs never experienced fear, no adrenalin rush leading up to death. I think the above were all factors in the quality of meat. The butcher would flash freeze them into cuts and packages we liked. I could order as much lard as I wanted. All that, and the most flavorful meat of a life time. We’d keep one pig for us per year, and sell 3 or 4 for enough money to pay for our housing etc. We ate well ourselves. Best little business we ever had.


My wife has serious issues with being told as a kid that she had to eat this or this would happen. It’s not uncommon.

I tried applying the GROW Model and questioning techniques and the coaching sequence (listen/ask/tell) and it didn’t work. I tried telling her too and she did keto last year and it worked but then Christmas stopped her.

This spring we paid for a nutritionist and it’s slowly working. She’s talking to her about Self Esteem as much as nutrition though!

Perhaps she needs the same. Most people think keto is an eating disorder after all (lol).


My gasteronologist thought it was a fad…not anymore.

(Denise) #52

OMG, people actually think that?? That explains the looks I get, LOL!!

(Denise) #53

Yeah, I love seeing my doctors and nurses cheering me on, well, when they first saw the results of my keto nutrition with no meds. I think they forget and have to find something else wrong with me.

(Rossi Luo) #54

Yes, now I know how dangerous she is after I got the information from this forum. But her doctor told her that she’s good and she could live at least 20 more years, the doctor didn’t tell her the truth. But I did, if she keeps such glucose level, her kidneys, eyes and feet will soon have big problem. She told me she had reduced rice intake, but I don’t believe it, she must have lied to me…:joy: , I have to let it go to let her make the decision for her own life. I will visit her in Sep, perhaps she would change mind when she see my changes.

(Jane) #55

I feel for @echo2080 situation having been there. What would she replace the carbs with? They don’t eat dairy, meat is a luxury and not enough fat on it to replace carbs……. I would have starved if not for the American chain hotel we stayed in at Zibo where I could get an omelette and bacon for breakfast and the pats of butter I brought from the US for my coffee.

Lunch in the cantina was noodles or rice, lots of non-starchy veggies and a minuscule portion of meat. With a steamed bun. None of their portions were cooked in fat.

(Rossi Luo) #58

Hi Janie, I have to correct this, hope you would not mind.
Actually, many dishes here are cooked in fat, we Chinese will make use almost of every part of the pork animal or Chickens or some other animals. The situation is that, Chinese are also told that fat is not healthy, so many people will avoid it.
Actually, the fat part is quite cheap here, but the lean part is expensive, I can make lots of lard cheaply!!! While the others don’t like lard:grin:

(Nicci) #59

The only advice I can offer is to back away from the conversation, but make slow changes.
Do you ever cook her dinner? Try slowly adding in some keto foods for her.
That’s what I did with my husband. Each day I would learn more and more about the ketogenic way of eating/living. I do the cooking. I didn’t even tell him I was on the diet.
But the more I learned, the more concerned about his health I became.
So when dinner time rolled around, I put to task many of my new skills.
He loves potatoes. I learned how to make jicama mashed potatoes. He ate them without even knowing they were not potatoes and had less carbs. Juiced up with plenty of Keto gravy and slabs of butter, who would know the difference? :wink:
I began learning how to make Keto snacks for him. Luckily, I’ve never been big on snacking, but he loves his junk food. So I learned how to make Keto cookies and Keto chocolate fat bombs. Without even telling him they were “diet.”
Today I am learning how to make Keto caramel. One of his favorite snacks is chocolate caramels. So with allulose in hand, and a 1/2 cup or so of heavy full fat cream and some butter, away I will go!
So in summary, in that way I am lucky. I control the menu, and he reaps the benefits of secretly eating in a healthier fashion. If you are able, try cooking for her. It is helping my husband for sure.
*And before anyone jumps on me for doing this on the sly, nothing I am cooking for him is hurting him.
I am not putting it in his mouth, he is. If he didn’t like it, he wouldn’t eat it. I get to watch his belly slowly disappear, and see his lovely smile across the dinner table. For longer-because he will be around longer.
When he finally notices I am on a diet (because I’ve lost enough weight he will notice-and I wear baggy clothes so it may be a while) then I will tell him. I only started Keto 60 days ago-and already lost 23 lbs.
I have more to go, but I swear I’m taking my husband with me, lol!
Original Poster can’t do that-the cat is already out-of-the-bag, so to speak. But you can cook for her, and be aware of the carbs in the meal. Learn if you don’t already know, and put some of your skills to the test. If she likes your cooking, perhaps you can sway her over to “The Dark Side,” lol. :slight_smile:


I partially did it with my SO but without really trying, actually, I am not very prone to cook food I don’t eat. There are exceptions but they take 1 minute work or so, it’s needed as he badly needs high-carb, apparently. I am the main cook and I make most of the desserts as well (type wise as he makes 1-3 desserts every day for himself and I wouldn’t do that). It’s amazing how much one can change without problems just because the cook has a different woe… He still eats high-carb, it won’t change but I easily feed him carnivore dishes (and he adds the carby side dish).
Sweet desserts and baked goods are the best as he don’t add rice and stuff to them… So he even has low-carb meals if it’s based on them (he can and do eat cake for breakfast. cake made by me so it’s lowish-carb. he adds fruit but it’s still not as carby as the - super low protein from my viewpoint - breakfasts he makes).
And keto desserts can be so good, even a relative who doesn’t even try to make them herself likes my borderline keto but definitely low-carb cakes.
Not everyone responds well to very sudden changes and strict rules. But many can change a lot if we replace easy to replaceable dishes…

I don’t know what jicama is but I am pretty sure nothing tastes like potato. But it’s individual, dishes has an extremely hard time to fool me, the flavors are so important for me and I notice changes. many aren’t like that. But it may be just FINE to have a replacement not being like the original. As long as it still fills the role and it’s not worse tasting, I am usually happy with it (until I specifically want the original but that doesn’t happen so often).

My SO never would eat keto bread or keto pudding, though. They are very heavily based on starches and the difference is huge. I prefer the non-starchy stuff, he wants the starchy one. But I can feed him ice cream with walnut cake even when they have almost no net carbs, he likes that combo.

Good luck! I made a fabulous one first but then they fell apart, it’s tricky… But if the texture works, the taste can’t be a problem, at least I found it very, very delicious. Caramel is one of my top fav flavors, it’s another thing I easily dropped it when I went low-carb, I don’t really miss it. But it IS nice.

Actually, myself need these “tricks” too. I never was willing to give up things I like when I feel quite good if I just eat what I fancy too… But wonderful replacements, experiments (they are fun so I am motivated), slow changes (I had big ones too but other areas needed a more subtle approach), they worked well. It’s different when one is determined to change or when the change comes from the outside, of course… I can push myself a bit more (if the direction is right).

This is an extremely important thing for me. The only reason I subtly push at all when I am really sure something is unhealthy even for him who is thriving on carbs. Fortunately he wants to eat healthy too. Though he may disagree with certain points about what is healthy. But I think we both are open-minded (and not experts) so we rarely argue.



I’ve gone from Atkins to Keto to Carnivore to Carnivore IF/EF. Fallen off the wagon once, but came back. Carnivore IF/EF is the key the fits my lock. I fast anywhere from 18 hours to 7 days. Joint inflammation and pain is gone. The longer I stay carnivore and fast, the better I feel and look. This has not been enough to convince my family to go with me on this journey. Instead, I’ve been in a place where, during 3,5 or 7 day fasts- I’ve had to prepare food for them. Initially, I thought that it was awful. But, it turns out that it built my resolve.

One of my kids has resisted so much, and she finally has come to the point she feels so terrible, that she’s willing to try. My husband, however, has a different metabolism and really doesn’t look out of shape, except for a bit of a poofy midsection. I’ve tried to get him to do fasts with me, which he’s done for part of the time- but cannot get past the exhaustion he feels no matter how much broth, salt, electrolytes he takes in. On his own, he came across a video (Bitchute or Rumble, I think) from Dr. Eric Berg- called the 14 day no-sugar challenge. I didn’t know anything about it. He just asked me, “Hey, you ever hear of a Dr. Eric Berg?” I said, “Well, yeah. Listened to him for years.” Hubby’s like, " “really??” So, he explains the nuts and bolts of the challenge to me, and asks if I can help him do that. Well, that was a no-brainer. He lost 11 pounds in less than 2 weeks. He still has a beer now and then, and maybe a couple chips. But desserts, cookies, ice cream…no more. Haven’t had a potatoe in nearly a month. So, it took someone else presenting a CHALLENGE to him, noting the obvious health benefits. And, now he is much more conscious of his food choices. Personally, I am more of a Dr. Berry/Dr. Boz fan, but, the presentation from Dr.Berg is what sparked his interest.

The kid I speak of weighs more than me, yet she is 30 years younger than me. Has all kinds of health issues that I know could be solved with Carnivore, but until now, she wasn’t miserable enough yet to try. When I was at my peak in IF/EF Carnivore- I weighed over 50 pounds less than her, and could wear her old clothes. I think it made her feel worse inside and she sorta caved. I’m just hoping that she will come across someone or some sort of media tool - like a video- that will have the same affect that Dr. Berg had w my husband, and proffer a total commitment to changing her ways. As long as she can make some minor tweaks along the way, which she tries to - my hope is that the momentum will build to a point that she will drop the junk food and carbs. All I can do is encourage her.

(Robin) #62

It’s probably too late for your wife, but I never say keto when talking about my eating. I just say I have cut our sugar and processed food.
Obviously there’s more to it than that, but no one has ever argued against it.