I've lost a lot of weight, wife gaining weight, doesn't believe in Keto - what to do?


Men and women are different and react to food differently. We even think of food differently. Generally, I find men to be habit-type eaters. Cookies or ice cream after a meal were the norm at one time for me. Women, on the other hand, when stressed out, will self-medicate with carbs. They tend to be emotional eaters. Sometimes it’s best just to listen and understand what they are saying and not reply.
While you do not criticize her for her choices, she has and will continue to do so. It’s not your job to get your wife to do keto. It has to come from her, her doctor, or even a friend. I know it can be frustrating because we like to fix things but don’t do it. Let her come to Keto on her own, otherwise, you will end up in the doghouse. With the money saved, buy your wife some nice flowers.

(Rossi Luo) #22

I can’t agree more! I didn’t ask my wife to join Keto, after months of Keto, she saw my changes, and I found that she had reduced the carbs in her diet, she is not keto, but reducing carbs is good for her. And I found she had lost some fat on her face, her friend also said that, and she was pleasured to hear that.

Contrarily, I asked my mom to join Keto, but failed. Because I haven’t seen her face in face for 7 months (I’m in keto for 9 months), so I think if she can see me face in face, she can see my changes and she might change her mind probably.

(Jack Bennett) #23

I agree with the good advice shared by others earlier in the thread.

Don’t start an argument about it.

Don’t respond to bait, provocation, or sarcasm (although that can be hard).

Don’t make a big deal about when you’re cooking, eating, food preparing … just do your own thing quietly. And, really don’t ever comment about your wife’s eating, snacking, etc. and how it’s different from yours.

It’s clear this subject is kind of a trigger for her. My non-professional guess is that there’s something about you doing keto that threatens her comfort zone - fear about your relationship, how she thinks you feel about her, or even her own identity. It could be valuable for both of you to get to the bottom of those unconscious fears and concerns, through some (potentially challenging) conversations.

(Kirk Wolak) #24

Studies on this very topic often reported that the ladies who were gaining were snacking more, and not tracking everything. Often not getting enough fat, and often struggling more with hunger.

I have a wife who is naturally in ketosis. Eats one meal a day, including a piece of cake, fruit, etc. And is in ketosis the next morning. She does not “overeat”, and is never hungry (it’s why I tested her glucose/ketones, to find her in ketosis was shocking).

So, it depends. Her metabolism might be more damaged than yours.
Her body may be gaining muscle because she is finally getting the protein she needs.

If she is eating clean, and only drinking water. FIND something else to measure.
The SCALE IS A LIAR… Also, help her find more COPING MECHANISMS.
Help her put on some muscle.

If you can afford a Kaatsu device for her to wear while she does stuff around the house, this is Japans answer to an aging population at risk of sarcopenia. It’s not cheap, the code SIIM will get you 10% off… Dr. Mercola recently covered this. And SIIM Land has an episode on YT about this device.

Try to encourage her… And remind her… IF she sticks with it long enough, her body will change, and then it will become easier for her. Remind her that you are here with her, to help her.

I like Dr. Boz’s workbook the Keto Continuum. Because her metabolic health isn’t yours.
Dr. Boz recently did a short video where healthy people who fasted for 72hrs felt AMAZING at the end of it. But really overweight people DID NOT. Because fasting 72hrs is a great stress for a HEALTHY body, but it’s too much stress for an unhealthy one.

Go slower, get healthier. When your wife can do 72hrs without eating, and feel amazing, she will know how far she has come.

(Robin) #25

This reminds of many years ago when I was a smoker. And my husband was able to quit. I was nowhere near being motivated by his good choice, in fact I probably smoked more, felt more addicted, and secretly resentful of his accomplishment.

I am sure the same can be said for food.
Your wife may or may not come around. Maybe be extra kind to her and don’t make any remarks about diet or weight.

You do you. And we’ll done, too!

(Marianne) #26

Girlll!!! Eff that - and him!


(Marianne) #27

Good for you! I think that is a great solution! I’ve always worked (although never had to take care of children). I never wanted to be in a position to ask my husband, “honey, can I have $25 to buy groceries (or whatever).” Screw that.

(Marianne) #28

Yup, almost my whole family is overweight, but not interested in know what I do. They stopped in their tracks at “I don’t eat pasta, sugar, etc…” I’ve had several of the same people ask me repeatedly if we can “talk” about keto. I’ll send them some information prior to gathering and it doesn’t go any further. That doesn’t bother me anymore.

(Bob M) #29

Ok, that’s high (180 in US units). It’s really too bad you can’t convince her to drop some carbs, because that level of blood sugar is dangerous, and is causing the high blood pressure. I guarantee (and you can quote me) that she will feel so much better if she reduces her carb level…maybe by a lot. That’s one reason I keep going, because I feel better. More energy, better mood. And when I eat high carb, I don’t.

(Marianne) #30

So true. My husband and I aren’t hurting in any way, but I am cheap. I just bitched him out today for buying steaks for $6.29/lb.! :laughing::grin::rofl: I relented when I discovered it was for our 25th anniversary on Thursday (of meeting). Looking forward to them! :laughing::hugs::innocent::smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

(Doug) #31

:smile: Congratulations, Marianne, and I’m glad you relented. Can’t be too hard on them in that situation, eh?

I’m cheap too (with many a splurge thrown in), and the biggest thing for me is no waste. Nothing is going to get thrown out. If it’s going to go bad, then we’re using it up right now. I shudder to think of the wasted/spoiled/misallocated food in the world.

(Bacon enough and time) #32

The Food and Agriculture Organisation of the U.N. has been saying, for at least the past 45 years, that we actually produce enough food to feed everyone in the world. The problem, which is usually a political one, is getting it to the people who need it.

The amount of food wasted in the U.S. because it is blemished or past its notional “sell-by” date is phenomenal.

(Doug) #33

Totally agree, Paul. Expensive restaurants or not expensive - the amount of food I’ve seen not eaten… good grief… “Sell by” - “use by” - ha! I’m still working my way through a bottle of Ibuprofen than ‘expired’ in 2014. :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye: And if food is sealed, pasteurized, vacuum-packed, pickled, etc. - well heck, it usually stays good a LONG time after that printed date. And also - I figure that cooking stuff will kill any bacteria that did somehow get a foothold.

(Robin) #34

It’s okay… I ended up leaving him and then got skinny.

(Arie1985uk ) #35

I’d never want to leave my wife, god forbid, she’s the most precious thing in the world to me, and I feel like if anything I was a d*** with her many times, not the opposite … I love my wife and I don’t care if she’d gain weight or not, I just want her to be healthy and I don’t like this lifestyle of eating snacks, pizzas and things that are not good for us - she actually told me she hates this food as well, so I’d let it slowly sink in.

I also started preparing more vegetables and adding some canned Salmon into it, with eggs and she likes it, she does seem to like Salmon - is it bad if I’m using too many canned salmons? I’m just wondering if it’s bad to use & consume 3-4 cans per week…


I have no idea how good canned salmon is BUT if I ask my own body, it says it’s loads better than a bunch of carbs (especially sugar), at least for me…

You do it right, I would use that approach too: showing how nice keto food can be :slight_smile: If she is anything like me, she wants or needs to keep her food joy… Especially if she isn’t sure keto is really the healthy way for her. I know my chosen woe is the best for me but still, I want to enjoy it. Good that my food is so, so very good (I just should stop eating too much of it. I do try since years and I am nothing if not stubborn). There are so many options :slight_smile:

@OldDoug: It seems our views regarding wasting food is the same… I hate thinking about all the insane amounts of wasted food and make sure it doesn’t happen in my household.
Do you know that Japanese people throw out frozen meat after a few weeks…? I try to forget it as this knowledge makes my life worse - though I do like to know things :frowning:
Throwing out good meat and eggs is the worst.

(Thomas Martin) #37

I know how you feel. My wife is the same way, I have lost 61lbs so far and she lays in bed and enjoys her pint of ice cream every night…I try talking to her nut that only start’s a argument. So we basically cook separate. My 80/20 lb of burger is a lot cheaper then her pint of ice cream.


I heard about such things since I have found this forum (my family may have a massive sweet tooth but this amount is for a small family, maybe not even for one time! okay, it is possible to eat it for one person but why would anyone try to get satiated by sweets…? okay, not everyone is like me. but still…) and I still can’t wrap my head around it…
Wouldn’t it help to use some different ice cream (or dessert)? Like I have my carnivore one and before I had my keto one with banana, almost no carbs especially considering that my big portion is 60g… It’s nice and rich, you see… I am quite aware it probably wouldn’t work for most people who are into their store-bought ice cream (the watered down horrible stuff I wouldn’t touch)… But if your wife reaches the point where she realizes it’s not a good idea to eat like that, there may be some experimentation in order to find something better… I never ever gave up the foods I enjoy but I could… Shift. I have found keto sweets are loads better than carby ones, maybe with a few exceptions at some point… But I barely remember that, it was long ago and I changed too much.

But a PINT…? Oh my.
I could buy delicious, nutritious, useful meat with that money… And I do.

(Robin) #39

Sounds like you are doing everything right. Give it/her time.
Just the fact that you care about her health and not her weight is a huge advantage. Good for you! Hang in there.

(Marianne) #40

Really, it was all in good fun. He knows I wasn’t upset. He usually gets an earful after he comes home from going to BJs by himself. John loves to shop and buy meat - it’s always been his thing. He doesn’t care what he spends, unlike me. I love buying the cheapest cuts and saving money. I can’t believe how inexpensive a lot of the pork is - delicious stuff, too!

Amen to that! I feel the same way. We really don’t waste anything. When we used to go out to a restaurant, we’d take home a doggie bag for the smallest thing. I could never get over the people who would eat half their meal and then have it taken away.