Husband is irritating me


#41

The desire my hubby has for sweets or other carbs like potatoes, etc. gets to me sometimes. So, I decided to use a little psychological warfare and see if I could lure him to the Keto-side of the Island. So, I appealed to his competitive nature. I’m almost down to his weight. So, I weighed myself and told him I was catching up to him. So, he weighed himself and we’re in a dead heat. Now, he is purposefully trying to lose weight. Knowing his gout was acting up yesterday, and having some understanding of it, I played a video this morning on youtube from Dr. Boz about insulin spike triggering gout attacks. He was so curious, he asked me to send him the link, along with a list of foods he is allowed to eat on Keto. I’ve played a few Dr. Fung videos, gotten hubby to do a 5 day fast with me, and I know he can do it…So, it seems I might have succeeded in luring him over to IF and Keto. Waiting for him to get back from a business trip at the end of the week, and see what happens.
If, and its a big IF, I can get him to stick to Keto, then I can institute it for the whole family, eventually.


(Robert C) #42

I would not assume this is a “Keto” or “who does the cooking” issue.

If he has asked more than once or twice and won’t accept “no”, the issue might have deeper roots.
Remember, you are doing something successfully that he won’t (not can’t - won’t).

If your mood is better and you are focusing more on your personal appearance - you might be triggering him (consciously or subconsciously) into sabotaging your efforts. Maybe he just wants his “known quantity” wife back.

Of course, I have no idea if this fits your situation but, plenty of marriages break up when one half makes a big health move and the other couldn’t be bothered. If he sees that writing on the wall then (again consciously or subconsciously) he may cause a ruckus hoping to get back to status quo.

Similar to “Come to the gym with me?”
“No, but you’re not going to leave me here alone, right?”


#43

I think that with any change, family members need to have a mourning period, as well. I had a long mourning period, baking was my anti-depressive and I loved baking cakes, desserts, etc. I used to be the big cook in the house (we live with my in-laws, same house, our own floor), sourdough bread, desserts, yogurt… I think that even our neighbors and friends had to go through the mourning period… Some react in a childish way and here come temper tantrums :wink: I apologized at first, but then I put some big girl pants on and stood up for myself, defending my stance of no-carb. I remember my husband mocking me and asking “so when do you plan on cheating and we can go for a pizza?” He soon realized that there will be no more pizza for me and learned to accept that he eats keto with me now and understands what I’m doing. Meanwhile, i still have problems with my mother-in-law…
I would explain again and tell them to support you instead of behaving like two 5-year-olds…you just stand up for yourself and they will get over it soon :slight_smile:


(Will knit for bacon. ) #44

I do like to bake. I’m always the dessert-bringer at family holidays. I’ve been trying different keto dessert recipes but the results are always “meh” at best. I think the problem is the sweeteners; I’ve tried stevia and erythritol and they both taste funky to us. Haven’t tried monkfruit yet and we have three dogs who are dedicated and highly competent counter surfers so xylitol is right out.

He does like some of the fat bombs I make. And I’ve made some peanut butter cookies that weren’t terrible. But whenever I cook something new he says he likes the old fillintheblank better. One day he’ll say it and I’ll whack him with a skillet and no jury on earth will convict me.


#45

:joy::joy: word sistah :joy::joy:


(Jeramy Koval) #46

Speaking from personal experience, it’s much easier when you’re significant other is following the same plan for obvious reasons. But I lost the bulk of my weight on my own and can relate to the challenges.

Sometimes we need remind ourselves of why WE are making the decision to become healthier. But we must also remember that it it can impact those around us. Especially the ones closest to our daily lives such as spouses. They have their own way of life and our decisions may prove to be disruptive to them.


(Robert C) #47

Having him try some Keto oriented items is great to hope to win him over but, they should probably not become a staple food of his.

Adding (for example) high-fat fat bombs to a non-Keto diet (i.e. which includes carbs) will likely accelerate his weight gain compared to just his plain old non-Keto diet. Both due to the high dietary fat in the presence of high (fat storing) insulin and because (since he’s not Keto) he won’t sense satiety correctly and might easily overeat.

(It would be like serving him extra candy all the time.)


(Karim Wassef) #48

I agree. High fat keto + SAD is potentially disastrous. Pick a path.

Heck, I’ve started studying starch diet biochemistry to see why it works and the big learning is “macro isolation”. If you eat carbs, just eat carbs. Adding protein spikes insulin dramatically. Adding fat on top of that sequesters that dietary fat into body fat.


#49

Do things for him and he’ll do things for you, of course he’ll be selfish back if he asks you to do something for him and u reply “no do it urself”. I get it if he asks all the time for something, theres gotta be balance but him asking for something he likes (which u even like to do) seems to me ur just being lazy.

The harmony of happy relationship comes from you filling his needs and him urs, ur not letting the cycle happen. Simply put dom/sub setup in social construct works the best, its like ying yang, plus and minus. Go surprise him with the brownies and keep the cycle going.


(Will knit for bacon. ) #50

Except I don’t see supplying him with junk food as fulfilling his needs. More like “enabling”. Special occasions, occasional treats, fine, no problem. But he’s upset that I’m not keeping the house stocked with cakes and cookies 24/7.


(Full Metal Keto) #51

This is ridiculous ODE! She cares about his health…:confused:


#52

Well if he wants/needs something and u deny to provide it (specially when its something so little to ask) he’ll get it from somewhere else (therefore canceling the cycle that should be upheld). Ur indirectly just making urself angry and not doing what relationship is all about.


(Karim Wassef) #53

I’m going to wax philosophical for just a moment…

I think that there’s a balance between compliance (the desire to please the other) and positive intent (the desire the help the other be best they can be).

Usually, those two are not in conflict… but if they are, then you need to contend with that reality.

We are not together simply to serve each other and please each other. Frankly, that would get boring after a while… our true purpose is to constructively support each other to truly achieve our fullest potential… hence the occasional need for “respectful” conflict.

If you get a chance to listen to some Jordan Peterson lectures on marriage, (yes I know he’s controversial), you may see what I mean.


(Will knit for bacon. ) #54

If he wants/needs a brownie, he knows where the kitchen is. Or are you implying if I don’t give him brownies, he’ll find some home wrecking floozy who will?


#55

Cant really fully comment on that as i dont know how much they communicate to each other but any grown man can and should take care of themselves, im quite sure she has already mentioned it to him once or twice that keto is decent and he should give it a go too, yet he havent so far. He should decide when its time to try, and she should support that decision.

How is that fair to him that he supports her on her decison about keto but she doesnt about his? Bad or good for his health, its his life, his choice.


#56

Im saying ur making it hard for urself urself and then asking for advice on what to do. Supressed desire is like a plant growing under a rock (you), it will grow its way out if the desire is big enough, which is why he is going to the store and unloading ur grocery budget on to stuff he desires, hence just making u more angry.

I dont understand whats so big deal about doing something u like to someone u love?


(Jacqueline Porter) #57

I don’t think she is actually ripping brownies out of his mouth! Just asserting that she doesnt want to make them every day.


#58

If its literally everyday or 4-5 times a week baking then he probably aint being reasonable, but that also depends on things he does, hence have balance.


(Lisa) #59

Are you joking and/or trolling? This is one of the most sexist things I’ve heard lately.


(Karim Wassef) #60

every couple has their own dynamic… :smiley:

judge not… but find your healthy balance