Humor :-)
Thanks to COVID, I had a choice this year: Drive down to the DMV, wait in line for seven days, deal with horrific people who haven’t yet grasped how to properly mix and match cologne, deodorant, and halitosis, do the annoying eye exam with the film of a thousand sweaty foreheads gumming up the viewfinder, get a new photo taken, and renew my driver’s license.
Or.
Clickety-clickety-click, type in my debit card number, hit Update Driver License, and in under twenty days I can step outside and reach into my mailbox while still in pajamas and yesterday’s underwear and fish out a little laminated card that lets me off the hook for another 8 years.
Sounds like an easy choice, don’t it? You haven’t seen my driver’s license photo. It’s from before I went keto. I wore extra eye make up that day to offset the flash that washes you out like a bleached dish towel. I smiled broadly and did that jolly squint that supposed to convey non-threatening equanimity.
I look like Cruella DeVille with an eating disorder. For another 8 years.
Oh, I feel your pain! We just moved so I need to update mine too. But when I got my last one, I actually had a huge argument with the folks there and thought I might end up leaving in handcuffs. (It’s along story.) But when they finally gave in to me, the lady said turn around and clicked the camera. I left in triumph.
Until I later saw my photo. I look like an old lady about to stroke out from yelling at kids to get off her dang yard!. Cracked me up. Cashiers actually cringe when I produce that mug shot! Too funny.
But that’s ok.…. I actually weigh what it says on there now. Heh Heh.
And my favourite advice: “Always make your kale in bacon grease . . . it makes it slid off easier, when you tip the pan over the garbage can!”
Thanks be to God that we still have a couple more months left, here in Connecticut, before we have to start worrying.
Actually, I’m just trolling. Only things I’m allergic to are narcissists and people who don’t leash their dogs on trails. So, I’m really only allergic to one thing.
Ok, I know it is a joke but I am a beekeeper and love to talk about honey bees. 
The drones (males) do NOTHING except eat, poop and mate with a new queen when needed. They do not pollinate any flowers, do not collect nectar, do not feed or raise the brood, do not protect the hive (they have no stingers), do not convert nectar into honey, do not feed the queen. The female bees do all the work! And as such hives are mostly female - the queen only lays a small percentage of drone bees in case they are needed for mating.
Yeah, I know, Oregon is rife with apiaries, but it’s fun to make regular folk laugh.
I love da beezez, I garden so close to them that they’re often climbing out of my hair. Bumblebees can be dicks, though.
I had a personal gardening client in Colorado who told me my favorite beekeeping story of all time. He had a vacation home in rural Colorado, the kind of area where people wear camo unironically and sic their dog on you for slowing down on the road in front of their house.
He did his research, set up a line of hives, and really threw himself into it. Cue the locals. People started sounding off about all the bees suddenly around. There were clouds, swarms, children were getting stung, dogs were getting stung, mass pandemonium had ensued. It was beepocalypse.
He attended the city town hall meeting and sat in the back, quietly listening to hour upon hour of anti-bee diatribes. When the speaker asked him to address his hideous crimes against humanity, he stood up and calmly said,
“I haven’t stocked the hives yet.”
People can be idiots.
