I have been fallowing this thread since the beginning and it has given me as a male, a different perspective that I have never considered. Thank You all for that. I have wondered about exactly what the above quote addresses.
If some part of the reason is due to self esteem issues and does this become less of a problem as better opinions of yourself get stronger?
I ask this respectfully?
CONFESSION: My fat has been my protection
mtncntrykid
(Ron)
#62
kib
(karen)
#63
Yes, it is definitely self esteem / self-satisfaction related and as I say, it’s not necessarily at all fair to the men who have been interested in me in my life. On the flip side, looking good - in a magazine sort of way - definitely makes male attention feel safer to me, like, “well why wouldn’t they chat me up, I’m rockin’ it!”__ That obviously isn’t real self esteem either. Basically, if you’re never allowed to decide for yourself whether your actions or your appearance or even your thoughts are worthy/acceptable, you wind up hypersensitive to the cues that other people provide. But I think looking like we’re told we should does promote a sense of personal authority, at least until the rules change and once again you’re wearing the wrong lipstick and shoes.
It’s also important to remember that we all have different kinds of past wounding; mine had nothing to do with sexual or physical abuse, and I imagine that would make a huge difference in the level of fear vs. anger.