Anyone need an OA meeting right now? HELP

(Heather Meyer) #1

I think i need a meeting… overeaters anonomous. I am clinging tightly to my pants and grinding my teeth in anger and it is taking everything in me right now to not jump off Keto and burn that wagon to the ground.

I feel like crud muffins. I looked at myself in a full length mirror at costco which is the first time ive seen myself in a mirror in a long time. At home i only have your typical bathroom mirror. Well…it shocked me… how fluffy i have become. How sick i look and how sad i appear. This what not what i expected. Somehow my brain sees frumpy and fluffy instead of “she has some weight but still looks beautiful”.

It honestly didnt help that i had been walking around costco and superstore without having eaten since last night. I accidentally fasted all day. Didnt mean to. I thought i was going to be back home sooner to eat a lunch. It doesnt help that my daughter and husband are decirating gingerbread houses tonight and im in charge of making the icing… So you can imagine how much candy is in our house… lemme tell ya… diatreaties.

And then… oooohh… when your spouse does somthing that makes you feel like crap. They say somthing or do somthing that makes you feel less valueable. The one person you feel like should value you and lvoe you unconditionally and then BOOM… one word…one action and its just BIG enough to make you question your worth.

I know… you arent supposed to measure your worth by anyone else’s actions but its easier said than done. I think we naturally look for encouragement and acceptance from the ones we love and when an action says otherwise… it brings you down.

I honestly dont want to cheat on Keto. I know i wont feel happy if i do. I know i will feel ashamed but its hard this time of year. I feel like im missing out on the fun things like decorsting cookies and decorating gingerbread houses. Ugh.

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things i cant change
The courage to change the things i can
And the wisdom to not do somthing stupid(my own little addition to the prayer)

(Jenny) #2

I wish I had some great wisdom to share, but I will say, you are not alone! I’m not sure why some days are so difficult. Some days we feel the restlessness and the discontent. Do you have any keto friendly “treats” or ingredients for such? sometimes it helps me to have something I dont have everyday.

Ginger bread houses are fun and if you can participate without eating the houses, wonderful. But if not,it’s ok! ! You’re not a lesser person. If you were an alcoholic people wouldn’t bring alcohol into your house. With us for food, it’s not much different. I have gone out for a walk on more than one occasion to remove myself from tempting foods.

you came here and wrote out your feelings. look at you! you should be proud. you got this! I’ll hang out with you all evening if it will help :blush:

(Heather Meyer) #3

Thanks Jenny,

I do have keto chocolate though im not too fond of eating it anymore. Ive lost interest in keto sweets. I guess i just dont want to fall back into my pattern of eating out of anger or sadness. I wish i could use food to stuff the pain down so i dont feel the emotions. But i guess its better to feel them to stuff them

(Jenny) #4

I understand :blush: very wise words indeed. This too shall pass. Probably something I need to work I myself.

(Karen) #5

I know what you mean. Stay strong, we’ll support you. Make sure the things you eat are delicious, and yet keto. Make yourself a treat like a chaffle with melted cheese. Bacon and eggs.

I’ve been feeling that I look better, but I just looked at wedding pictures from last August and I’m a pretty broad broad.

Oh well it’s a journey. I think part of my problem is actually over eating, and the slightly, too frequent, poor choices. You can do it, we can do it!

(Heather Meyer) #6

Well… i survived! I dont know how i did it… i was coated in icing sugar on my hands all night and surrounded by 20 different types of candy and yet i managed…

The end result is the last post if you want to see it.

I am so thankful for all your support on here. I know if i hadnt talked about stuff, i probably would have caved and given in to my feelings…

Stay strong all! KCKO

(Heather Meyer) #7

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(Rebecca 🌸 Frankenfluffy) #8

Hugs, @PortHardy. Hey, you nailed this! :trophy:

(Heather Meyer) #9

thanks! i do feel proud that i did!

('Jackie P') #10

Dear @PortHardy, I really know where you are coming from. I have plenty of mirrors in my house. But they all seem quite friendly (most of the time)! The mirrors in the stores can be very cruel, especially when they catch you unawares.:grimacing:
I am still very much a work in progress, things are slower than I think they should be. But I try and imagine where I would be if I had never found keto.
On a bad day I fake it and/or try a little self therapy. Put on lycra knickers, a red jumper and some lippy! Smile at strangers (even if they do think you are weird)! Book a facial. Have your nails done. Call a friend and go for a coffee and a humerous look at the unfairness of it all. Go to Ketogenic Forums and hang out with some like minded people :slightly_smiling_face:.
Men though! Sometimes … what can I say … there are no words. They have good days and bad too I guess.:no_mouth:
Your gingerbread house looks lovely, and I’m guessing that in the end, it was fun!
Be your own best friend hunni!:heart_eyes:

(Heather Meyer) #11

aww thanks! I think im in process of learning self love. Years of abusing and neglecting my body has made it hard to change patterns but im slowly steering the ship on the right course.

('Jackie P') #12

I found @Momma_Bear post “for the first time in years” particularly inspiring.
…I’m not sure how to link it in.

(squirrel-kissing paper tamer) #13

Here it is, Jackie.

#14

This is important. You see the way to go…now you have to find that inner UMMppff to get there :slight_smile: and you will.

Then you have to find what suits you personally. We never all like the same food. We never all want to fast. We never all want to do it the same way cause a plan that fits one so well might not ever work for you.

I had to find my own way. I walked the low carb trail. It was a horrible thing…til that one day, thru tons of gaining back what I did lose to having great success thru willpower and I couldn’t sustain that ever, I found my spot. I just kept up with the journey. I just kept trying to find what works for me and maybe no one else in this world and I did.

So it should work that way for you maybe. Keep up the experiments on you and how you want to eat and what suits you. Then you got to get that bit of ‘killer instinct’ happening. :slight_smile: :slight_smile: You will do what is best for you at all times in your eating. You grab that and hold onto it.

Worst thing for me is I wanted instant BIG results. Won’t happen. I was hip hip hooray I lost 5 lbs fast…then ya check the mirror…big deal ya know and you deflate on it all.

Then I realized this is truly a lifestyle change. One that will not happen overnight for anyone on this planet. Those who succeed and keep it off are the ones that hold their personal eating plan like cement. They do for themselves as they must do and they don’t waiver cause they know that is what it takes to lose it over time and that is what it takes to hold it off.

So just some thoughts on how I had to roll thru this mess of a big eating change in our lives we try to tackle. Take what might help you and throw the rest. Just personal experience of how hard it can be but if we make it ‘suit us only’ then it gets a tad easier in a way. Never super easy as we all know, but a bit more calming in that we are doing what we need to make it work for us. Hold strong!!!

(Kimbrie) #15

Hi there sweetie, you are not at all alone. I have been very successful (god only knows how) since I started keto with IF in October at sticking to my food guidelines. Last week we had a sewing event at my store and I am always in charge of preparing and serving the food. We always have goodies everywhere at work but had some how managed to resist and rather easily which shocked me. Almost immediately I began shoving Danishes, bite size pumpkin pies, cookies, etc in my face. I felt crazy out of control and it was horrible. I kept walking away, trying to self pep talk myself off this ledge. I ate not as eagerly but just as harmfully to my progress for both those 2 days. I gained 12 pounds, I was devastated as I felt I had lost my new found strength and discipline that had changed my life so tremendously. See I had a really dark and unhealthy relationship with food, and not with celery sticks either. I was a hopelessly addicted emotional overeater who had managed to gain over 100 pounds through some really destructive behavior. It was like heroin to me. I would go to McDonald’s and eat 5 mcdoubles and a large fry, on to the next stop on the way good old Krispy Kreme I would eat a dozen donuts so fast before I got home only a few short miles away, stopping of course at the nearest gas station to polish off a half gallon of chocolate milk as well as disposing of the evidence of my brutal donut massacre. The feeling I got while eating so fast I barely had a chance to chew was AMAZING but within minutes of finishing off what ever giant sized portion I had just laid waste to it was gone and the emptiness seemed even more unbearable. When I wasnt training for the who can chew the least amount of times while not choking as I swallowed event, I was drinking ice brewed beer from the moment I got out of bed, at times even at work, so that added about 150 to 200 g of carbs. I felt so totally out of control, wanting to reach out to someone, but terrified they would take my precious away and I would not be able to function after living this way for so long.

I feel so blessed and lucky, as one day I was cruising facebook and I see a post from my cousin saying he had lost 40 pounds. I reached out and he said the word ketogenic to me. Immediately I assumed it was just another diet plan I would not make it on for more than a day or so, but decided to do some more research. It grabbed me like a hurricane, suddenly I am listening to Jason fung talk about all the amazing benefits to IF with keto. So I looked into the guidelines, if 2 hours before this moment you would have said to me to keep my eyes peeled as my life was about to dramatically change for the better, I would have snorted while shoveling the chili cheese fries in my face. Honestly I wish I knew how it happened, but within a few hours of when I saw that FB post, I began an 81 hour fast. I know this was pretty extreme and not the healthiest decision in hindsight, but once I started to fast I just felt so great. Well a few weeks in I finally began to listen to all the experienced people on the forum and now my goal is 2 36 hour fasts a week. Other than those hellish 2 days, I have stuck pretty close to the program as suggested.

The point I will eventually get to I promise, is in those 2 days I saw what I really thought was my imminent demise back to that place where I couldnt bend over my big belly to tie my own shoes. NO DAMN WAY I said to myself. There will be so many weak moments my friend, and sometimes you will win the battle and at times you will lose. I was able to understand it is the war in the end that matters. I am so sorry you went through such a tough time. In this short time I have seen so many wonderful encouraging and knowledgeable people on this forum, all you have to do is reach out like you did and say you need some support. I am SUPER proud of you for having such good self awareness. I wish you the very best luck in your journey

I BELIEVE IN YOU!!! :grin::heart::grin::heart::grin:

(Kimbrie) #16

I get a little to lax with the keto chocolate unfortunately so I have stopped keeping it in the house as have, on more than one occasion eaten half the bag yikes