I’m 5 lbs down from last week, when I’ve been strict about keto!
Last year, I learned that I have glaucoma. I learned about it after there was damage to my left optic nerve; that eye has a blind spot just above my central focus. Even though my right eye (so far) is normal, it was terrifying and devastating. Like diabetes, it runs in my family. My dad has it and his vision is pretty good. I take three drops a day. This year my eye pressure were good, but at today’s follow-up, they had crept up to 20 mmHg in the affected eye, so we’re going to try laser surgery in a few months. No evidence of retinopathy so far, which is good.
This is what’s hard for me: you can’t get back vision you’ve lost once it’s gone. My eye doc thinks I have an excellent chance at preserving my vision (and I am super-adherent to my eye drops), but it’s hard not to think about what I lost. Likewise, I think back to the past 20 years, to regrets about my appearance and inability to feel good in my own body, that I’ll never get back.
So what’s the point of hanging on? As cliche as it is, I’m really going to work on letting go–of food that’s toxic, of literal weight, of sugars that have me metabolically unhealthy. I read a study that showed a positive correlation between obesity and eye (interocular pressure), but even if lowering blood glucose and weight somehow doesn’t lower my IOP, I’m even more resolved to stick to this. As someone who tends to accentuate the negative, I’m going to work on focusing on what I can do instead of dwelling in the past.
