Why do you think you need alcohol?



Way to open a can of worms! People who want their alcohol will defend their wine vehemently.
I am 67 years old, and all these people I grew up with- people I used to party with, have become alcoholics. I could name so many they wouldnt fit on both of my hands. And the sad thing is, many of them died in their mid 60s because of it. All of them, as far as I could tell and I am pretty much of a psychoanalyst now, were deeply unhappy people inside, and if there is anything common in all of them- it is the absolute denial that they even have a problem. Alcoholics second name is “denial” and they use alcohol to perpetuate it. Many appear normal and so you can’t tell, except they need a drink by 6 pm, oftentimes earlier. One friend traveled to Morocco and then discovered on her day of arrival that it was RAMADAN. She hightailed it back to Spain the next morning - now thats a sign. The thing is- they all started out so normally. They liked to just party on the weekends. Later in life, they drank more and more. Little known fact: alcohol kills brain cells. We have an abundance of them, but with time, the damage shows.
My story: I come from a very dysfunctional family. Both of my parents had personality disorders. They pretended that all was well in the kingdom and that nothing was wrong with them - if anything then they blamed me for seeing things differently or calling them on their irrational or abusive behaviour.This was without alcohol. Neither of my parents liked alcohol, but they were irrational and abusive nonetheless. But to cope, I smoked marijuana every day for years. I guess I just chose my way to self medicate and ignore what was going on around me. I finally stopped smoking the stuff, and thats when I went into psychoanalysis. Its the reason I am against any form of avoidance because I think if I had not smoked so much marijuana, I would have been in therapy sooner. Today- after a lot of pain and sorrow and working through the hogwash I was taught and endured thinking it was normal- I am pretty much abstinent. I dont look for any buzz anymore. i don’t want to phase out. I have learned to live in the here and now, not to avoid reality, and I dont want to lose my mental capacities but prefer to remain alert and alive. Will I have an occasional glass of Rioja? Yeah with a nice dinner - but only once in a blue moon.
Are there people among us here who do the same- drinking occasionally and just for enjoyment? Certainly. But who knows for themselves which group they belong to? And who among those gets angry and defensive and is lying to themselves? Like I said, with alcoholism- denial - or a form lying to ourselves - is a huge part of the whole problem. But that is for each and every one of us to decide for ourselves. And should we ever be confronted by a third party about our drinking- to listen and think about it without flying off the handle. Because if it gets to the point of feeling deeply offended- most likely there is some truth in what we are being told.

(Dirty Lazy Keto'er, Sucralose freak ;)) #82

You sound like you are in a good place now, and Im happy for you.

But I just have to speak about my experience with weed for a moment. I smoked it on and off for 40 years. Typically on for several years (mostly every day, even multiple X’s per day) then, for one reason or another, usually job testing, I’d stop at the drop of a hat, and not smoke ANY at all, for like 2 or 3 or 5 years. Then, something would change, and I’d start smoking every day for the next 3 or 6 years. So this has kind of been my life long cycle.
So, about 4 1/2 years ago, I got with my awesome GF, who happened to be straight as an arrow. I REALLY loved that she didn’t drink. It did kind of bother me though, that she acted like weed was just another hard core drug (like I act about alcohol :slight_smile: … and it killed me when she would compare it to alcohol. Urggg ! It’s just not even from the same planet ! But I digress…
Although my GF never tried to make me quit smoking weed, I quickly realized that smoking anywhere around her, or even before I went over to see her, was going to cause a LOT of problems. So, a couple weeks after I started seeing her, I decided I would just once again, stop smoking weed (or edibles or any other THC product) at the drop of a hat. At least until I could see where my relationship with my GF was going to go.
And I did exactly that. I haven’t smoked any weed whatsoever for 4 1/2 years. Has this helped with anything ? Well in my relationship, I’m absolutely sure of it. And for that reason alone, yes, its been worth it. In fact, my GF is worth FAR MORE than this to me.
But from a health, happiness, and general well being standpoint has it helped me ? No.
I am still 100% pro weed. And if anything ever happened to my GF (heaven forbid) Id smoke it again, every day.


Well first off- you dont know what damage continuing to smoke weed could have cost you. I am talking your lungs here. But I look at weed today as I would a glass of wine. If I was with somebody who offered me a drag of a joint, I probably wouldn’t say no. But every day - or even otherwise as a habit? Nope. I think there are drugs which are really physically addictive- like heroin, meth etc. No way having that “once in a while” is good. But if one has a healthy mindset and isn’t hiding any need for self soothing inside- an occasional glass of wine of occasional joint are in the same category for me. It just cannot become some kind of crutch. The problem really is in the emotional mindset to begin with, with those. Fo rme it was no problem to stop smoking weed. And the same went for wine. I can take it or leave it. I think thats a big difference.Today- I mostly prefer to leave it.

(Dirty Lazy Keto'er, Sucralose freak ;)) #84

Well, I guess nobody can be 100% sure about anything. But I am 99.9% sure that weed does not cause any real lung damage… or cancer… and in fact, can help to fight cancer. And on that note, if a person was worried about this, their are plenty of other ways to get THC into the body, other than smoking. Or, one can even vaporize “the good stuff” out of weed, without actually burning it. I used to enjoy that too.


Used to bake brownies. I also quit smoking during psychoanalysis. Used to be a 2 Marlboro pack per day gal. Happy about that too. Its about self harm and wanting to finally be good and caring and loving to myself. So I actually managed to quit. But make no mistake- smoking weed damages lungs just like cigarettes. But Chris - dont you think you used pot a LOT? I also think that weed and alcohol keeps us away from another. Its like an invisible wall. We are emotionally numbed and so we cannot really be emotionally intimate with another. Many children of an alcoholic parent complains about that, as well as the spouse. When we are high - on whatever- we are really inaccessible for the other.

(Dirty Lazy Keto'er, Sucralose freak ;)) #86

Several thoughts. First off, I think that if smoking weed caused the health problems that smoking cigarettes does, their would be 10’s or hundreds of thousands of cases to show evidence of this, and that is simply just not the case.
I never smoked cigarettes, and glad you were able to stop, yourself.
Yea, I smoked and otherwise consumed a train load of pot. Zero regret.
I think that one person in a relationship smokes, and the other person doesn’t (like it would be if I smoked now) heck yes, that would build a huge wall. But if my GF smoked pot too, no problems at all. I’m a pretty affectionate guy either way (maybe moreso than my GF would prefer) but if I were still smoking, she’d never get me off her :slightly_smiling_face: …which I guess for her, would make me even more of a PITA…

So as you probably remember me saying, my father was a hardcore alcoholic, and I really hated that. A BIG part of why I hate alcohol so much now. But at the same time, I’ve said a million times, if only my father has been a pot smoker, things might have been so much better ?

(Michael - When reality fails to meet expectations, the problem is not reality.) #87

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I absolutely agree with you that alcohol addiction is ar far worse than marijuana.
I just question why you used pot daily.

(Dirty Lazy Keto'er, Sucralose freak ;)) #89

Love the effect. It heightens everything that’s good to begin with. If it tastes, looks, sounds, or feels good, it will be even better. It also calms my nerves. Things that might normally bother me, would roll right off.
Another thing is, I tend to be an “over thinker”. My brain gets stuck on something and I can’t quit going over the same thoughts or ideas. Weed allows me to let things go a little easier.
Used to love to smoke some weed, then lift weights, or climb a mountain.
Let’s see, what else ??? Pretty much nothing bad I can think of.

Pretty amazing plant with almost no negative side effects for most people.


I like you and what you have to say. I also like the way you cherish your GF. But I have to tell you something-perhaps to make you more aware? But as the son of an alcoholic, you know that you will have some emotional issues that you have taken with you from your childhood? A certain underlying anxiety? A therapist once told me “No feeling is new” You say it calms your nerves and things that would normally bother you roll right off. People who have had more stable parents might not have an issue with those kind of stressful or overwhelmed feelings - they might not need stuff to roll right off. They might feel more calm from the getgo. Not being able to let go of obsessive thoughts- the same. Because Chris- there really is a huge difference between smoking an occasional joint, or smoking daily? If you smoke daily-then there are a lot of internal issues that need to be calmed. I dont mean to offend- just offer some food for thought. Nobody who needs to fade out reality daily can be OK. The good news however is that you have turned off that faucet for a few years now and should be able to see that you dont need to roll stuff off all the time? From my own experience with a problematic childhood, I too could stop that daily habit- but that was when I could also finally go to talk with a therapist. What happened to me was that I began to get very angry instead of stuffing it all away. It really is about stuffing away all of our emotions. Thats what alcohol and marijuana is all about. Basically you were self medicating. So how do you deal with underlying anxiety today without it?

(Dirty Lazy Keto'er, Sucralose freak ;)) #91

No offense taken. I’ve heard all these kinds of things, but I believe it’s possible to be completely happy and healthy, physically and mentally, and just enjoy smoking weed… Not that I am 100% happy and healthy, physically and mentally… But I’m pretty close to it :wink:

I dunno’ I feel like I still let a lot of things… most things roll off easier, than they do, with at least one other person very close to me :wink:
And I feel like I still enjoy life a LOT… Just not quite as much as I would, if I still smoked weed.