Thank You, But I Can Order My Own Meal!

#1

Recently, I went out to dinner with my siblings. One of my sisters, turns to me and starts giving me suggestions on Keto-friendly options on the menu and all the vegetable options to replace the carbs on the menu. I bluntly told her thanks, but I have no problem choosing what I want to eat and I do not need her advice.

Yesterday, our office went out to one of my favorite restaurants for lunch. As soon as I pick up the menu, one of my friends starts giving me advice on the Keto-friendly options on the menu and how I can ask for vegetables to replace the mashed potatoes or french fries. I was more diplomatic in this case and graciously thanked him for his suggestions, ignored his suggestions, and then ordered what I wanted.

What’s wrong with people?

I have talked to both my friend and my sister about Keto in the past and they both have decided it is not for them. Fine, I have no problem with that. Where do they get the notion that they think it is proper to give me unsolicited advice on what I should order at a restaurant? Also, in both cases, after giving me advice on what I should eat they ordered very carby selections.

Of course, it was very patronizing, but also something else that I can’t think of the word right now. Here is what really bugged me. I have been doing this WOE for more than a year and researched it for 3-4 months before starting. In that time, I have listened to hundreds of podcasts, watched numerous YouTube videos, read thousands of forum posts, and read dozens of books on Keto, nutrition, and health, and I have a couple of carb-burners giving me advice on how to eat at a restaurant, Dumb!

Have any of you had a similar experience?

(Chris) #2

That is extremely patronizing. I’d have some words for both. Less blunt words for the coworker of course but words nonetheless.

(less is more, more or less) #3

There’s no shortage of people who wish to give their uninformed advice, is there?

clippy

#4

May be they were being thoughtful and inclusive by pointing out what was available for your WOE? Unless they were demanding what you should eat, I wouldn’t get so upset about it.

(Jacquelyn Graham) #5

They could also simply want to show support and validate your choices, even if they are doing it in a somewhat silly way. They could have said “Oh, good! There’s plenty of options for you here, too.” The good part is they are actually supporting you in your choice, even if they aren’t choosing it for themselves.

#6

:rofl::rofl::rofl:
Made me laugh out loud!
There is a meme for everything!

(bulkbiker) #7

The fact that they didn’t say that is quite telling though… ?

(Jacquelyn Graham) #8

The steps to maturity are by necessity immature. We all learn at our own pace and given that they are supporting him in his choice, even when it’s not their own, to me indicates that they love him rather than they are trying to be rude. People always want to make a connection with others (hence “small” talk, which to me is simple blathering on about the obvious to make a small verbal connection with another human.) People always talk about obvious things to fill aural space and make connections with others. It’s a way of saying “I see you and acknowledge your existence, please acknowledge mine, too.” I have little patience with it, but am kind to those who use this as a social tool.

(Bacon is a many-splendoured thing) #9

As someone who possesses a certain amount of experience in giving unsolicted advice, I would suggest simply letting it go . . . :grin: :rofl:

#10

This was good for me to read! When I have meals with vegetarian (or lactose-intolerant, or… whatever) friends, I’m often concerned that they have enough options so I definitely understand the impulse. I don’t think I would go quite as far as your sister did, but in her defense - I think she probably just wanted to make sure that your needs were being met!

(less is more, more or less) #11

Well, let’s just say this is how one person flexes his M.S. in I.T. degree.

https://imgflip.com/memegenerator/78051115/Clippy

(John) #12

They are trying to be supportive. They are about to enjoy a meal containing foods they like, and suddenly they realize that you, being a “special needs” eater, may be left out. So they are trying to alleviate their feelings of guilt at being able to enjoy a meal while thinking you can’t.

They don’t realize we can pick what we want and leave the rest.

(Jane) #13

^^^ This

I realized I did the same thing to a vegetarian a couple of years ago at a group dinner. I wanted to make sure he had options and wouldn’t go hungry and I was familiar with the menu. I probably insulted him also and it sure wasn’t my intention!!!
:woozy_face:

#14

One can have good intentions and still come across boned-headed. I’m not really upset, but I was definitely put-off by it because it was very patronizing and rude. From their perspective, they would say they are just trying to be helpful and thoughtful, but it was completely tactless and stupid.

This is definitely not worth getting one’s underwear tied up in a wad over and hasn’t damaged my relationship with my sister or coworker. We are all clods one time or another. Myself included. They were definitely acting like clods. The advice was unsolicited with an implied assumption that I can’t figure out what to order without their advice. Dumb!

I Mainly wanted to comment on the experience to see how prevalent this behavior is. I suspect it happens quite often. How people react to Keto is interesting to me.

I should have ordered the breaded shrimp, with fries, an extra order of onion rings, and large Coke, just to see their reaction.

(Bob M) #15

I never tell anyone I’m keto, maybe just that I’m gluten-intolerant and then just order what I want.

(John) #16

The only times I have eaten out with anyone other than my wife since starting this was a co-worker on a business trip. The restaurants we went to had plenty of great options without having to do any weird ordering, so it never came up yet for me.

#17

Good advice. As a general rule, I do the same except I say I am sugar-intolerant. Yes, I just order what I want without any comments from others because me doing Keto is not an issue because they do not know I am doing Keto.

Very few at work know that I am doing Keto. This coworker knows because he saw me eating lunch one day and asked me if I was doing Keto? He was familiar with it and asked me a few questions about it but doesn’t want to do it because he does not want to give up his favorite foods. .

The exception is, I did tell everyone in my family about Keto and now have two brothers and their wives doing Keto.

(Hyperbole- best thing in the universe!) #18

It used to happen to me as a vegetarian ALL THE TIME. If it was someone I dined with frequently we’d have a little talk about the fact that I have it under control. That I was the one who decided to eat this way and that I’d be fine, they don’t have to worry about me.

With keto it’s more annoying because I’ve discovered to some surprise that many people aren’t good at identifying carbs.

I think it does come from a kind place, and that is worth a lot. You’ve done the research, they have not. So they’re still wrapping their heads around it and thinking about it as they peruse the menu. Resulting in unsolicited bad advice. :woman_shrugging: Oh well…

(Casey Crisler) #19

I’m not seeing it as a problem. It’s totally not rude or patronizing to offer suggestions. Just like they might offer a suggestion for wine in another circumstance. It could be worse. At least they’re not saying “go ahead and eat this “carby” item. Just this once won’t hurt.” I’ll take the former any day.

(Hyperbole- best thing in the universe!) #20

It’s definitely better than saying just eat the carb this one time. But would you make wine suggestions to a sommelier? Or suggestions to a regular upon the first time visiting a restaurant?

It is not intentionally rude, but it is thoughtlessness disguised as thoughtfulness.