Tactful Way to Tell Someone They Need Keto

(Garry (Canada)) #7

Exactly.

(Nathan Toben) #8

Advice is most often taken by those who need it the least.

I was just talking with my sister about the vehicle of advice.

For someone to take advice they typically fall in to two categories. The “perfect pain” category or the “already healthy” category.

The Perfect Pain is ephemeral and fleeting; at the crossroads of Discomfort & Willingness. If someone is in the thralls of The Perfect Pain, they become receptive to any other option other than their normal operating standards. But this is phenomenally rare.

And then, people who, generally speaking, have a right-sized sense of self, are mentally and physically alright, they are receptive to change because there is less friction or cognitive distortion to start a new habit.

In my personal experience, the most effective form of advice is non-verbal. I have changed my deleterious behaviors by observing others whose lives are enviable.

The second best kind of “advice” is when I talk about what it is that I do wrong. Not what it is that you can do right. I share my experience with brutal honesty afforded to me by being on a path of self-improvement and discovery and then they can take it or leave it. Sometimes it doesn’t stick for a number of years and then lo and behold they come out of the woodwork years later with…The Perfect Pain.

#9

But I actually think that door can swing both ways really. (But more to folks we know, opposed to a complete stranger) I completely agree 100% that the best way to introduce someone to Keto, is to simply let them see your results, and I have mentioned this to my wife, when she mentions some in her family that could really benefit from going Keto. … But I also feel that if you were wearing a shirt, or something similar, and a complete stranger did inquire about it, I would have no problem letting them know all about it. - Yes, people can be touchy about their weight, and I’m not sure every person out there would be upset.

Say 10 years ago, I saw someone with a shirt that mentioned the Keto-Lifestyle, or mentioned LCHF, and they spoke to me about it when I inquired. Believe me, I would have been appreciative for it, because I do wish I knew about it 10 years ago! … But I do think it would be much better if they broached the subject, than just walking up to let them know they could lose some weight. I’m sure they would already know that. But there would be those that would also be grateful for the advice.

Just MHO…

#10

This might be like telling an active, untreated alcoholic that he should quit drinking. Might be a tricky situation. That said, this thought has crossed my mind on occasion. I think “if these people only knew how much I eat” I get “Thanksgiving day” full every single day. KCKO

(Diane) #11

I don’t think I would have been receptive to any advice from a total stranger. Even my PCP never came right out and recommended a keto diet until I hit my low point after six months of being flat in bed (unable to work), with minimal improvement, because of ongoing health issues. And then she just recommended that I read Dr. Mercola’s book Fat for Fuel.

That said, there’s this kid (maybe early twenties) who works at the ticket counter at my favorite movie theater. I see him almost every week. He is very nice and super helpful. And he is the picture of insulin resistance. Maybe I’ll get a t-shirt, hoping to spark a conversation.

The other issue is that while I’ve lost 86 lbs over the past 11 months, I still need to lose another 100 lbs or more. Someone who doesn’t know me would probably only see that I’m still very overweight. On the other hand, two sisters, a brother in law, two nieces and one former co-worker have all begun eating ketogenically after seeing my success so far.

(Sophie) #12

The only people that are open to the message are the ones that are ready to hear it. All else is wasted breath falling on deaf ears.

(Katie the Quiche Scoffing Stick Ninja ) #13

In my opinion, it is none of your business regarding other peoples physical features or diet.
It is very rude, especially if you do not know them on a personal level.
You might find something that works for you, but it might not work for them.
Keto is not for everyone and it’s ignorant to think that’s the case.
You may FEEL you can help people, just like you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink, if you catch my drift.

(Bacon is a many-splendoured thing) #14

In other words, getting clocked with a beer stein can be painful! :beer:

#15

Absolutely!

Here is where I differ. First, I would never walk up to someone I was not interacting with and say, you are fat, here is a diet! I would never say it that way to anyone, even my mother or child!

However, I have been there. I have tried to diet, I tried conventional exercise and calorie counting, I added well over 100lbs in that time. About 19 years ago when we had to clean out our spare room because I was expecting, it contained our library. The stack of diet books I owned (and read) was beyond belief and I was only in my 30s then. My point, is while not everyone will find success with keto, I think everyone (whose doctor does not prohibit it) should at least try it. Yes I had tried Atkins once upon a time in the 80s but I could not cook then, hated the food, believed those who said eating fat was unhealthy and did not know how to get past the initial crankiness because I had no guidance. I still believed fat was unhealthy as recently as March 2017! And I am someone that researches and reads everything and is a diet book addict! Most people do not research, it is simply what they happen upon. Whether it is a wife, doctor or random stranger. You never know when is the right time to hit them.

As for diet advice, until last year I believed the Mediterranean diet was the healthiest (my version, moderate carb (under 200), moderate fat and moderate protein.) It may be for someone who is insulin sensitive and a normal weight, I do not know. I do not think it is for me because I cannot control my eating on it and I am not satisfied.

I have a friend who while heavy (BMI of about 38) is insulin sensitive her A1C is 5. She is now doing time restricted eating in an 8 hour window and is having a lot of success with it. She eats whatever she wants but finds that her appetite is not the same. My hunch is she is in ketosis part of the day. She is a veteran of the diet wars including LCHF and HCLF, CICO, WW and even medifast. She was convinced her eating was emotional (had a perfectly average first world upbringing with no major traumas, so I doubt it). Nothing ever worked like this. I am happy for her but one thing she keeps saying is she wishes she had known about this 30 years ago. She feels like it could have made such a difference and she is upset that no one ever told her to do this before (she got the idea from her 20 year old son who is not heavy, not me!) I am sad for anyone who is young and overweight and is doomed to suffer this way not because no one has ever given them the right tools and they have been told CICO their whole lives which they keep trying in different variations and failing. What I despise even more is that fat is the last socially acceptable prejudice because people assume you are this way because you have made bad choices and if you would just get on the treadmill and eat oatmeal and fruit you will be ok!

Note, for people who want to be heavy because that is their choice, more power to them!

Honestly, for those who do not want to remain heavy, they have even less of a choice than any other addict does. You are given your first piece of cake as a baby. The sugar addiction starts then, before you are conscious of what food even is. No one gives you a cigarette on your first birthday!

Keto is the only way I have found to break the addiction

(Frank) #16

Would you still be saying this when health care costs for disease related to metabolic syndrome exceed our gdp? Big pharma and big ag are not going to change a thing while they are making money hand over fist. I have come to the conclusion that true change will not only take each of us doing our part with regards to our own health, but also encouraging and then leading family and friends down a healthier path. That could be vegan, vegetarian,Keto,paleo, etc. The common bond among all of these woe is kicking the sugar and processed food. I don’t think I would ever walk up to a stranger unsolicited and cram Keto down their throat but I’ll tell you what…looking around me with a new lense has certainly made me “want” to do just that. I’ve had daydreams of picketing the center aisles of grocery stores for crying out loud. I realize that Keto may not be for everyone but a healthier woe is definitely in our communitys, states, country’s, worlds best interest.

(Charlotte) #17

No no no no no! Your intentions are good, but NOOOOO! As someone who spent many years at nearly 300 pounds, concerned, well-intentioned “help” from strangers made me feel terrible about myself 100% of the time and actually helped me improve my health 0% of the time, tact or no tact. Overweight people know that they are overweight, and whether someone is ready to do something about it is a very personal thing. And you don’t know anything about their situations, histories or lives, so you never know when you’re hitting an especially sore spot. I have a good friend, for example, that struggled with a cocaine addiction, as well as her weight, for years. Very few people knew about her drug use, and the “you’ve lost weight, you look great!” comments when she was using, and the “concern” and “tactful statements” expressed when she gained weight due to sobriety REALLY didn’t help.

If/when someone is ready to go through the long, difficult process of losing a large amount of weight, they will seek out information. These days, they are likely to at least come across keto as an option. I agree with other posters here that if you feel strongly about educating strangers about keto, wearing a T-shirt or something expressing your fondness for keto (without expressing anything negative about anyone else) is the way to go. That way people can reach out if they want the information, but don’t feel shamed in the process.

(Roy D Rushing Jr ) #18

It’s hard to turn anyone on to any new diet if they aren’t interested in dieting yet. You can’t really just jump in with “You should try this way of eating I’m doing”. If you happen to have lost a lot of weight, you might find some way to work that fact into the conversation as a kind of off hand remark.

They’ll then react in one of two ways. Their eyes will glaze over and they’ll say something like “wow good for you” while they look for a way to turn the conversation away from it, or they’ll start asking questions about how you did it. That last reaction is the one that demonstrates real interest and is your cue to launch into your pitch.

The important thing is that you don’t push anything on anyone who isn’t showing clear interest in it. They don’t want that out of your interaction and all you’ll do is make them uncomfortable. The best thing to do is quietly gauge their interest and if it’s anything less than sheer enthusiasm, let it go.

#19

EXACTLY!

This is about me talking about my journey as part of a conversation, not “gee are you fat, you should try this diet!” Had she bought the car from him, there would have been tons of sitting around and waiting where we could have chatted.

I am very good at steering conversations, especially with strangers! My kids know I do this so they are a much harder sell.

I find that even if people are not ready, they are usually interested in learning about it. One advantage of not having lost all the weight I want is that I do not look like a militant thin person so I am a lot less threatening. Plus to someone who is 30, I am part of the older generation, so that gets discounted as well

As for wearing a tee shirt, it is not a flattering look for the average size 14 middle aged woman

(Katie the Quiche Scoffing Stick Ninja ) #20

Don’t get me wrong, I completely agree with you!
But you can’t force it. I am happy to tell anyone about Keto - anyone who asks. Not people who I think NEED to listen, was more my point.

#21

It’s a touchy subject for most, either way it’s approached. And again, I don’t believe it would always go over well with just any stranger you just happened to see. - My original thought to the OP, was to try and suggest what the topic asked, i.e., ‘Tactful way to tell someone’. And my first thought was a T-shirt or something similar, because it might spark a conversation, which would actually then be that person inquiring. But this could be a hat, button, etc.

I also agree, that no one should ever feel something is being pushed on them in regards to anything, and we all know it won’t work anyhow, until that person decides they want to make a change. No matter what the subject matter. … But as I’ve mentioned before, if I’m completely honest, I do wish someone had just introduced it to me, many years ago! And yes, all people are indeed different, so you will never know what results may come?

But for myself, even if a stranger had sparked up a conversation and and no-so-tactfully brought up the subject, I would still have been appreciative. And if I wasn’t ready myself to take an interest in it at that time, I wouldn’t get upset, if I felt that person was just trying to be sincerely helpful.

On a side note, which I find coincidental to this thread. My wife called me yesterday morning to say that one of her cousins just happened to post something on FB, asking if anyone knew of a good diet to help him lose some weight fast. - So she sent him a private message, letting him know that I started doing Keto 3 months, and after seeing my results, both her and my son have now started as well. And that if he was interested, he could call me to discuss it. But she wanted to make sure I wouldn’t mind speaking with him. … Which I certainly don’t. Though I already have his contact information in my cell, since we’ve hunted together some over the years, I will still wait for him to call me, since it will be his initiative to do so.

(Banting & Yudkin & Atkins & Eadeses & Cordain & Taubes & Volek & Naiman & Bikman ) #22

There is no good way to go up to an overweight stranger and tell them about your miracle weight loss solution. You’re saying that you think they’re fat and need to change.

(Bacon is a many-splendoured thing) #23

I find, too, that people tend to dismiss anything someone overweight has to say about weight loss, on the grounds of “What could that person possibly know about it?”—they also tend to dismiss what thin people have to say about it, and for the same reason. There’s no way to win that one. :bacon:

(Diane) #24

Yep. Well said. It reminds me a little of how I feel about other drivers. If they are driving too fast (faster than me), they are maniacs. If they drive too slow (slower than me), they are idiots. It’s a no win situation for those other drivers!

(Sophie) #25

I agree with you Diane. All drivers are maniacal idiots! :smile:

#26

Here’s a couple of considerations:

and

It’s funny how much we want to tell the world about our new found freedom and health.