Sustainability and Family Dinners

(Susan) #1

I had a family get together last evening at my house. My daughters brought fixings for sandwiches…meat, cheese, rolls, chips and cupcakes for the kids.

I ate before they got there so I wouldn’t be ravenous and scarf everything down. Nevertheless, I caved and had a sandwich and chips a a cupcake.

Upon seeing this my daughter who is an rn and a vegan said to me that this is why keto is so unsustainable. She said that it’s just now possible for a person to live without carbs because we enjoy them and want to eat them so much.

Obviously, since I fell off the wagon I had nothing to say. In my daughters’ eyes I was a failure…and in my eyes also I felt like a failure. They made sure to laugh at my failure, etc., which I suppose I deserved since I’d shared my plunge into keto.

Upon thinking about it later though I started wondering if maybe she was right. Maybe keto isn’t sustainable for a person who truly loves food and eating! Sometimes I DO feel like my world is just a but bleaker and more dull without all the lovely foods I had been eating.

I don’t know. I’m pretty confused at this point and wonder if losing weight is really worth giving up the foods I love. Moreover, I wonder if eating a keto diet is worth the hassles of dealing with my family and the wrench it throws into things when we get together to have a meal.

Any thoughts on this?

(Jay Patten) #2

I wasnt almost 300 pounds because of my love for diet and exercise. It was because of my love for food.

So having said that, if I can do it, you can do it too.

We all love food. It’s a biological need!

Trust me, stay keto for a while and you learn to sneer at cupcakes and chips and vegans.

FYI Oreo cookies, donuts and gummie bears are vegan.

(Bunny) #3

Even though you had a samich, chips and ate that cupcake you have the metabolic advantage and why I don’t worry about such things, the laugh is really on them because you don’t eat like this all the time, guess who will end up metabolically deranged in the end?

Even if you have a lot of fat on the outside surface of the body, it is the visceral fat that surrounds the internal organs that really matter!

You are doing excellent and are aware of what causes the problems, and that is what really matters?

(Robert C) #4

I think this was your mistake.

If you had served yourself a nice steak, seared in butter, topped with blue cheese and bacon - as your dinner, while they were eating sandwiches - you would have turned the tables on them.

This puts you under no obligation to be pre-fed to avoid the sandwiches, nor does it put on under any obligation to eat them as the meal to be polite in some way.

They would have been yearning for what was on your plate, not the other way around (I assume you too would have been happier with the steak vs. sandwiches).

#5

oh, I have so many thoughts - there’s a lot in here.

If you look through the experience of veteran folks on this forum you’ll see a wide range of feelings about carbs after a while on keto. I think the vast majority find that the desire for carbs wanes with time. It’s not just that cravings disappear; it’s that they find they genuinely don’t want them anymore. Others find that they do miss them but it’s a price they’re very happy to pay because the rewards are so great.

I don’t know where you’ll land with feelings about carbs in the long term, but it’s definitely way too early to tell. I can tell you that most of us on here LOVE food. Really really love food. I eat ridiculous amounts of incredibly delicious food. It’s a different set of delicious foods than - say - a plate of pasta, but when I’m tucking into a savory stew or a steak, or eating my eggs and bacon, there’s nothing I’d rather be eating.

You might find that this is not how you want to eat long-term, but I don’t think this is the time or way to make that decision. Let’s look at the good things: you’re trying a totally new way of eating (this takes courage and a willingness to step outside of your comfort zone - most people are not capable of getting to this point); you’re coming onto the forum for support and guidance; there are thousands of people who have been where you are now and have had beautiful results.

It can take a lot of pressure off of you to avoid talking about keto to folks who are opposed to it. If you stop mentioning it to your family and just say that you’re trying to avoid starchy and sweet foods because they spike your blood sugar you might get much less pushback.

I’m sorry that you feel like a failure :frowning: Move away from that as quickly as you can because it’s just not going to serve you. If you can, I would sit down with a nice cup of tea/coffee right now and read the before and after threads on here and the “Keto complaints” threads just to get yourself back on a good footing.

#6

One more note: this ^ won’t always be the case. You’ll get so adept at navigating dinners that one way or another, it just won’t be a problem after a while. The feeling of being super careful and counting every bite that goes into your mouth and being afraid of the spread on the table… that’s all typical of the start of a way of eating. It doesn’t last - I promise!

(Robert C) #7

Also, conscious or sub-conscious sabotage may be taking place.

Why would anyone bring dinner to a known Ketoer that is comprised of sandwiches and cupcakes (other than to prove it difficult to stay Keto)?

If the next thing you get from them is a gift certificate for See’s Candy or some ice cream shop (whichever they know is your favorite) - that would be telling.

#8

Hi again Susan,

Here’s a link to a bunch of keto soups. Some are higher on carbs than many of us would do - 8g per serving - but for a family dinner I would think they could work. A few are even vegetarian.

But fundamentally for this to work for you, you’ll need to focus on what you gain (and what you get to eat) than on what you are missing, especially to get through the toughest stretch of the first month or so.

(Ethan) #9

Proof by contradiction. There are thousands of us here who do it and have for years. It’s about health, not weight. I’d rather be alive than eat lasagna, which isn’t even appetizing to me anymore.

(You've tried everything else; why not try bacon?) #10

So does that mean that it’s just not possible for me to live without alcohol or morphine, because I enjoy them and want them so much?

Your daughter’s logic is wrong. For me, the fact that I have cravings for sugar and French fries means they are not good for me.

I enjoy eating steak and broccoli a great deal (to say nothing of bacon :bacon::bacon:), but I don’t ever crave them. I only crave addictive substances.

I have watched newly-sober alcoholics go through the same process with alcohol that you are going through with carbohydrate. A lot of people question whether the benefits of sober living are really worth giving up the drinks they love. It’s a question that someone can only answer for herself.

(bulkbiker) #11

Try a week of vegan if you really want to punish yourself?

#12

Keto is extremely sustainable. Only rule is low carbs, buy keto for health (as opposed to medicinal keto) has no ideology that eating carbs is a sin. Only vegans think that weird way about meat.

Carbs are not dirty, it is not sinful to eat them. Nobody has failed keto just because they had a tiny piece of cake. There is no rule that says you can’t ever have carb. You just have to stay keto as much as you can.

After two months, I still want to have cake. But I abstain from having more than the tiniest little taste once in a while, because it causes more pain than pleasure if I have too much. When I ate cake a couple weeks ago, I could barely eat two bites because it was almost painfully sweet. But the cake doesn’t mean I’m any less keto. Now I just tell people that I’d rather have bacon.

My own daughter i low carb btw. No ridiculous veganism for her. She decided after just a week that it’s way healthier than any ither way of eating.

(Susan) #13

Thanks. That was real helpful.:confused:

(bulkbiker) #14

So what foods do you really miss that a ketogenic way of eating “prohibits”?

('Jackie P') #15

I really feel for you and found the social side of this WOE challenging at first.
You don’t say how long you have been doing it or what your home circumstances are.
I live on my own, which is great for doing my own thing most of the time, but I lunch out 2-3 times a week, with my Mum or friends. Also there are dinner parties and evening meals. I love to cook, and I’m pretty good!
When I started this, 11 months ago, I decided it was going to fit into my life, it is a WOL after all! I would never turn down an invite or pass up a get together. I have found my own ways of dealing with things.
My Mum, who is 84 and tells me she is too late to change now, says she knows its (keto) a ‘bit weird’ but she has never seen me looking so healthy. Also my brother who was a bit bemused at first, has now changed and, annoyingly, lost more than me!
The restaurants we go to are used to me ordering my meal with “no potatoes, extra veg, extra hollandaise (or whatever) and a pat of butter!
Where my Mum would of made me a sandwich, now I make a buffet plate for both of us. Meats, cubes of various cheeses, avocado a selection of Keto veg, pate, eggs and mayo, she loves it. You could have a plate like that prepared in the fridge ready to go. It will look vibrant and colourful and they will envy you.
I cook meals friendly to me but with sides for my guests - after all I do make the best roast potatoes in the world! Funny how I’m never tempted, but still enjoy getting them just right!
When I eat at friends or family (who know my WOE now) I have a way - take a little of what you can’t eat and lots of what you can eat and then leave most of what you cant eat! No one will notice. I pass up dessert (unless I made it), I say I’m pre diabetic (actually I’m not - officially anyway). If I do accidentally eat a carb or two I just get back on it the next day.
If anyone offers me anything I smile and draw an imaginary circle around myself and say 'I am a carb free zone”! Or I laugh and accuse them of trying to poison me with a carb! Shocking! Humour works in most tricky situations.
Frankly I have lost 46lbs and feel and look great(! Modesty!). Others may have lost more, but its a fair pace for me, I’m a work in progress!
Please don’t give up. Quietly go about it and I guarantee people will soon be asking you to share your secret!
I truly can’t imagine coping with social situations half as well as a vegan!
I wish you well.:blush:

#16

I too, had lots of thoughts on reading your post.

First, I’m irritated that your daughter is choosing being “right” over being supportive. I’m an RN as well, and I’m here to tell you, we don’t know everything. That was unkind. Sorry, little rant there and not nice of me either.

Second, I am a life long cook. Enjoying food at every stage is deeply ingrained in me and the rest of my family. I just moved back home, and the first activity my youngest son wanted to spend time with me was “can I come over and cook something with you?” It’s that big a deal in my family and I am one hell of a cook.

I am NOT suffering on this WOE. I’ll take my steak, perfectly cooked bone in pork chops, soups that have broth with such a depth of flavor they make your eyes roll back, over processed meat and preservative laden white bread any day. The food I eat is in NO way lower in flavor or quality than the cheap crap the SAD diet puts in our faces on a daily basis. I’ve become a keto snob through and through :smiley:

That said, I agree that having carbs on a super limited basis is no reason to throw in the towel. I’m an all or nothing person too, and that’s a rigid way to live. I’m working on that. Having some carbs does not mean you have to give up and you’ve failed so why bother. That’s the same mentality that kept me a daily drinker for years. I figured if I could go only two weeks and not have wine, it was pointless because I couldn’t commit to forever. Throwing out that belief has changed my life and shown me that every day just isn’t necessary. That’s an n=1 for sure for me, because I know it doesn’t work that way for everyone. =

I think it comes down to what we chose. It comes down to what we change (yes, change) our preferences to be and how we learn that getting through an event without eating carbs (or drinking for that matter) isn’t as painful or un-doable as we thought. Do that once, and the next time is even easier. With practice, it becomes normal.

Hang in there Susan, I’m really rooting for you! I see my own mother in you and really am cheering you on because I know you can do it!

(You've tried everything else; why not try bacon?) #17

On the other hand, I find it quite easy to go without for quite a long period of time, as long as I can promise myself all I want, tomorrow, just not today.

(Karim Wassef) #18

Every time someone says it’s not sustainable I point out that to an alcoholic, being sober is not sustainable… it’s just not possible to live without alcohol… life is about balance and boozing every single day is balanced… right?

We love alcohol so much and it makes us so happy… until it doesn’t. So cruel and myopic …

Sorry, but no one thinks to laugh at an alcoholic who fails and tries to get it back together again, but somehow being addicted to carbs that cause metabolic failure and early mortality is ok… let’s have a carb party and ignore the deadly consequences…

Stay strong. We live in a world of addictions and it is not easy to get back up again… especially without a social structure (including family) that gets it. But we are literally fighting for our lives and our health.

#19

Yep, it’s a total mind game for me. I know I can have it, and if I do it’s not worth throwing out all progress, I just chose NOT to have it for weeks at a time. I also choose not to look at myself as a failure. A lot of recovery dogmas would say I’m failing. I don’t think I am. I dieted the same way in the past. If I had one mistake, it would turn into weeks of poor eating because I’d “failed” so what was the point.

(Full Metal KETO AF) #20

This was very insensitive of your daughter, first bringing all that stuff to your house and then reinforcing your caving into your carb cravings. This is kind of like showing up at an alcoholics house who’s just a short time sober with a 1.75 liter bottle of vodka and saying “this is why sobriety is futile, it’s just unsustainable because we enjoy getting smashed so much”.

If it happens again have your own food ready to eat when they do , don’t eat before hand and say no to the food choices you know don’t work in your favor. Just try and remember your goals are more important than a few minutes of pleasure. Show them your strength and be proud of yourself for not caving in. :cowboy_hat_face: