Stokies feeling out of control and not liking it at all

stress
stall
(Carolyn aka stokies) #1

So I have been quiet here for a bit. I have been dealing with a lot of personal moments of chaos and sadness. 8/9 would have been my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary. I am floating around the same weight now for going on 2 months and that adds to my frustration. Also had an incident at my job involving kidnappers, police, Homeland Security and inappropriate backlash from superiors. If that weren’t enough, a good friend got engaged, another is diagnosed with bone cancer (whom I am supposed to marry to my best friend in a month) not to mention returning to classes while juggling work and a new internship.

I advocate self-care and yet still struggle with participating in it. I have been cycling a lot - about 100 miles a week - and that’s my heart of sanity. Yet there is a hollowness rattling in my bones and I cannot find any sense of peace. I am used to being busy - I just feel that the extensive amounts of transitions are catching up with me. My boss doesn’t seem to care I am switching roles - thereby indirectly nullifying my sense of belonging there, let alone invalidating the work I’ve done. And not seeing much shift in my weight loss journey is challenging my sense of purpose despite improving my health. I have dropped 3 sizes even though the scale reflects no difference. That’s what I am holding on to; I am down 105 pounds and need to remember that is a huge accomplishment my body has allowed me to experience.

But I feel that I need to broaden my perspective on what matters currently. The void is loud as hell and my thoughts are echoing out of bounds. Not relapsing into unhealthy eating patterns is progress, even if I can’t see the difference physically. Right? I know I will get there - it’s just hazardous in my head right now.

Thanks for reading and listening to my gripes… We got this, right?

(Failed) #2

^^^^^^^^^^
This.
Hugs if you want 'em.:heart:

Hang in there, things WILL get better.

(Carolyn aka stokies) #3

Thank you! And right back at ya!

(Doug) #4

Wow, Carolyn, that was quite a post. :heart:

(Susan) #5

Yesssss, most definitely this is a total victory, Carolyn, even if the scales are evil and refuse to budge. I am at the same weight as I was over 2 months ago and I haven’t cheated at all, and been doing all sorts for stalls, so I can relate. It sounds like Stress levels are just mega high for both of us, and that can be a big factor.

You are a strong Keto woman; you have lost 105 pounds, this is massive and so amazing. You look fantastic and are beautiful, remember that. We all care about you and are all impressed at all your accomplishments.

I am sorry for all the stress, sadness and frustrations you have been experiencing. Sometimes life is just really hard and like that, unfortunately. You have us here; though, and feel free to share your burdens with us, we will be here to listen and to care and to give you Hugs!

RIGHT!!

Take care, and Keto on, and just remember we are all here to listen and to encourage you.

(Candy Lind) #6

Those out of control feelings can whomp you flat if you let them. But you didn’t! I’ve been at the same 5-pound give or take weight range for a year. I guess it’s time to clean up my “dirty keto” a bit, no? :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

You got this!
(And I hope all that Homeland Security/kidnapping/supervisor backlash stuff turns out OK for everyone but the bad guys)

(Carolyn aka stokies) #7

Yeah overall, it worked out but like I mentioned, there were internal diference of opinion about how it was handled. But ultimately, it ended safely.

Thanks for the kind words!

('Jackie P') #8

This happened to me and I see it as an incredible victory. Just think, your body is building muscle, increasing bone density and hydrating. Be proud of what you have achieved.
I am so sorry that you have had such a terrible time. I really do wish you well and hope things improve. :slightly_smiling_face:

(squirrel-kissing paper tamer) #9

Carolyn you’re one of the most “has her shit together” gals on the forum. I always appreciate when you pop in and update us. I’m sorry you’re feeling piled on and empty at the moment. I was diagnosed with blood cancer at 39 and it was a weird age. Not really a young person but also the youngest person sitting in my oncologist’s waiting room. If I can help with resources, I’m happy to.

Meanwhile, you’re still seeing the positives (size dropping even if scale isn’t) and exercising which is so great. As for work, I have to always remind myself that it’s work and most of the things I get hyped about are things that don’t leave a lasting impression when I look back on them. Not to minimize what you’re going through, just saying, I hope that’s the case for you too.

(Jane) #10

Sorry you are dealing with so much. Congrats on not letting it get you off track and sink back into comfort eating. That’s a HUGE NSV!

(John) #11

Carolyn,

I have been very impressed over the past year by your strength, courage, success, and attitude towards life as revealed in your forum posts.

I am sorry to read of your struggles. I know my life can get overwhelming at times, and derail me from my goals and my own self-interest, at lower levels of stress than what you are describing. It is no wonder that you are having a hard time right now.

However, I will answer your question that I quoted above: Yes, you DO got this. The challenges are real, the struggle is real, and you will get through it, learn from it, gain strength from it. It may not look like that will be the outcome now, but it will.

(Ellen) #12

You definitely got this. Sorry life is shitty right now, but sending you hugs.

(Carolyn aka stokies) #13

Wow - your response umbled the hell out of me - and thank you for such kind words of support!

(Carolyn aka stokies) #14

Thank you Ellen… much appreciated…