Spouse has had enough


(ManMythLegend) #1

I got home last night and was confronted by my spouse after my shower. I was asked, “How much longer are you gonna keep doing this?”
“I wanted to at least make it to Onederland.”
“How close are you to that?”
“Six pounds.”
“You’re stopping there, right?”
“I thought I’d just keep doing it until my body decided it was done with weight loss on its own.”
“No, you’re stopping at 199. Your bones are showing and it’s gross!”
Did I mention I married a chubby chaser?
I’ll just call this a NSV and let it go at that…
Lol!


(Stickin' with mammoth) #2

They may not. Brace yourself.


#3

Wow. Erm… I stop when I decide thanks. This isn’t some diet, this is a lifestyle choice. Yes, there may be some adapting when I reach maintenance but there may not. Gosh, I wouldn’t be standing for that! Luckily I am single!


(ManMythLegend) #4

No, we agreed that 199 lbs. will be it and as long as I live up to the agreement, it’ll be fine. I haven’t been under 200 in years and I personally feel like it’s a good weight on me (I’m 6’1") so I’m happy as a clam to leave it at that weight. We shook on it that I will be left alone if I remain around 200.


(Allie) #5

I wouldn’t accept anyone trying to control me and my body in that way.

No wish to offend but my man doesn’t even know how much I weight. He loves me for me and what we share together, my weight doesn’t come into it. The only person whose opinion actually matters is yours.


(Jodi) #6

I understand what the OP is saying. I think relationships are different for everyone.
My hubs has preferences for how I look…I’m free to do what I want however and do. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t annoy him sometimes lol, that annoyance doesn’t mean he thinks any less of me.
I’ve seen a lot of women who won’t cut their hair because their SO doesn’t want it short, same type of thing.
Change can be scary in a relationship, and if this is the first time the OP has lost weight it might be a reaction to that.


(Stickin' with mammoth) #7

When I cut a foot and a half off my Barbie doll hair back in the 90s and started rockin’ a pixy, a guy who preferred my former look tried to dis by declaring, “You can always tell a woman is getting older when she cuts her hair short.”

I shot back, “You know why a woman cuts her hair short? Because she wants short hair.”

I dumped him. Mouth breathers drive me nuts.

If by “change,” you mean “a slipping sense of control over the people he’s allowed himself to be vulnerable around,” then, yes, change can fucking terrifying for many.

To me, looks are wrapping paper and a bow. It’s nice, but it’s the gifts inside that matter.


(Allie) #8

It’s simple in my eyes -

Love me? Want to share my life?

Then respect my choices and support me, the same as you want me to respect and support you.

I would rather spend my life single than be stuck with someone who tries to control how I look, or any other part of my life. Been there several times, fought back, took control of MY life and now won’t settle for anything less than real mutual respect and care.


(Richard Morris) #9

I think once we’ve disassociated obesity with the diseases that travel with it (heart disease, hypertension, diabetes etc) then the amount of energy you store is just a number. If you are going to be more active then sure you may want to reduce the weight you are throwing around to save wear and tear on your joints - but that is injury not disease.

You can stay keto and relax on the carbohydrates a little and you will likely start gaining weight without losing all the keto benefits. I believe it’s over 150g a day that you start losing the benefits of a ketogenic diet. Of course to lose weight you want to restrict insulin which is why we say keep carbs under 20g/day.

As far as what other people think, even close family … well once obesity has been disassociated from those diseases peoples preference for how much weight you lose becomes as consequential as their preference for how you wear your hair.


(Jodi) #10

I love my spouse, and outer appearances won’t change that for either of us. He knows I prefer him scruffy and I know he isn’t crazy when I cut my hair in a pixie (which I’ve done multiple times)…we still both live with the looks that we prefer for ourselves. It doesn’t mean the first time I chopped all my hair off he didn’t freak a bit.

This is the first time the OP has last any weight, I can see the spouse having a reaction.

I’ve had family react that same way to my food/fasting, ect…have a little patience for people to adjust is all I’m saying. I felt the OP meant it more as a humorous story than anything…


#11

I agree Jodi. Change is hard. When I dated and fell in love with my SO, he was 6 ft 230 and now is 199. I really didn’t like the change, (and was accused of being s “chubby chaser”… I just am attracted to that body type). 2 years later, I have adjusted, and glad he is healthier at this weight.
Now, Ive been keto for 2.5 months and have lost 16 pounds. He supports the weight loss to improve my health, but gets tired of accommodating keto, especially not going to the bakery now and then to share a piece of cake!!


(KCKO, KCFO) #12

Some spouses are not happy with their partner losing weight because they are afraid of the spouse becoming too attractive to others.

If you are happy at 199, great, if your body wants to go lower, you might have a heart to heart with your spouse to see what is really behind this request.


(ManMythLegend) #13

When we met I was 220ish lbs. and I’d steadily gained 56 more pounds over the years… until mid-December, 2016, so @Jodi is correct. As I complained that no matter how hard I tightened down on my low fat diet yet still kept gaining weight, jokes were made that I was rubbed down in butter every night while asleep to keep me “chubby”. Nowadays I’m told, “I don’t know what to do anymore, my nightly butter rubs seem to be accelerating things!”

We use a lot of sarcastic/dark/sick humor to deal with our issues in life (I blame being a nurse for that on my end) and I personally thought this was a hilarious exchange between us! I knew when I started it would eventually reach a point where I would be “too skinny” and agreed from the beginning that I’d stop when it got to that point. I just thought I had a little more wiggle room before I reached “that point”. I had planned to only go down another 15ish lbs. anyway so a little extra isn’t asking anything unreasonable. I plan to start resistance training and some yoga to loosen up some joints that got stiff while I couldn’t cross my fat legs. I guarantee a beefier version of me will not be complained about in the least around here.

I appreciate everyone who took offense for me in the matter but I am not a controlled abuse victim who needs to stand up for himself. I have had nothing but support since originally researching keto and up until recently have heard nothing but praise around the house for the weightloss. Please relax a little folks… a few of you perceived the comments as an attack when it’s nothing more than a roundabout way for the clown I married to let me know my weight loss is starting to really show on me.


(Carpe salata!) #14

Sounds like it will soon be the new normal. :smiley: