So sad...very, very sad ☹☹

(David Rawe) #1

I have been doing this Keto diet thing with my wife since about early March this year and we were doing great until my wife hit a stall out point.

She said she couldnt understand what was going on and she complained of being tired and she stopped going to the gym with me.

Then I spotted her stash of bad, bad, food like chips and cookies. She thought it was hidden and she ate it after I went to bed.

So now recently she had a visit to the ER because of a Cardiac Fraction Ratio issue (weak heart). This was a scare because she has other health issues that have gotten worse since she quite the diet. Now because the doc told her that the keto diet was just too hard on her. Well with that news she thought it gave her even more reason just to start eating all kinds of crap.

She has been going out and buying tons of snax after a good keto meal i prepare. This is very depressing and upsetting to me because I care deeply for her.

She knows better and she has every excuse under the sun not to be active. So, what can I do? She is upset because this is working for me and has made some very mean comments about my success.

Has anyone else expetienced something like this? Im at a loss for what to do and think.

Im try to see if i can post a picture of what she brings home.

(All facts start as dreams dreamt by a wizard) #2

@ketodave2019 you have a secret eater on your hands, which usually goes hand in hand with compulsive overeating. I have these tendencies and can recognize similar things going on in other people’s life.

Tbh, it’s a hard thing to deal with, for both the eater and their family. Her mean comments toward you are just a reflection of the anger she’s feeling toward herself. She’s most likely eating the non-keto stuff due to stress, depression, anger and the food helps to quell those emotions temporarily.

Does she know you found her stash? Have you confronted her? That probably wont turn out well, as she will most likely get very defensive. She also may be feeling self-conscious and threatened by your success, and her failure at it just pushes her to continue a bad cycle.

Sometimes, you need to crack a few eggs to make an omlette. I’d bring it up and ask her why she’s eating in secret. Try to make it as comfortable for her as you can, because to be discovered is SUPER embarassing for a closet eater.

(Full Metal Keto) #3

I’m sorry that you’re going through this Dave. It’s hard to watch someone you love on a self destructive path. Can’t you just talk her back in? It sounds like she’s mad that it didn’t work for her but it’s working for you, but she didn’t really stick with it. The doctors opinion seems to based on her being keto which was half hearted at best. I still think it might help her if she gets serious about it. But I am not a cardiologist so take that as something to look deeper into, whether it would be helpful. :cowboy_hat_face:

(Bunny) #4

I see the sugar free wafer treats which is a common snack for some keto peeps in moderation. Even though if you look on the package it says “…not a low carbohydrate substitute…” or something like that if I remember right?

UBC study reveals cheat day in popular diet may cause some harm

Updated: March 28, 2019 12:58 am

”…But according to new research from UBC Okanagan researchers, just one 75-gram dose of glucose — the equivalent a large bottle of soda or a plate of fries — while on a high fat, low carbohydrate diet can lead to damaged blood vessels.

On the keto diet? Ditch the cheat day

March 27, 2019

”…The researchers point out that with only nine individuals included in the study, more work is needed to verify their findings, but that the results should give those on a keto diet pause when considering a cheat day.

Journal Reference:

  1. Cody Durrer, Nia Lewis, Zhongxiao Wan, Philip Ainslie, Nathan Jenkins, Jonathan Little. Short-Term Low-Carbohydrate High-Fat Diet in Healthy Young Males Renders the Endothelium Susceptible to Hyperglycemia-Induced Damage, An Exploratory Analysis . Nutrients , 2019; 11 (3): 489 DOI: 10.3390/nu11030489

”…In conclusion, one week of low-carbohydrate high-fat feeding that leads to a relative impairment in glucose homeostasis in healthy young adults may predispose the endothelium to hyperglycemia-induced damage. …” …More

One week? Really? :thinking: NOT KETO!

(Monique) #5

I agree with @x-Dena-x, this is highly likely a food addiction issue.

That doesn’t mean your wife is a lost cause, bad, weak willed or deliberately sabotaging herself- it means she’s in the grip of an addiction. She needs loving help and likely therapy. Secret eaters usually carry a great deal of shame and self disgust, which can be projected as defensiveness and anger. It’s no fun for them or the people who love them.

The best advice I can give is to approach the situation with love, no recriminations/shaming/disappointment, and from a total desire to help. I hope she is open to dealing with her food issues with a therapist.

Good luck.

(Bob M) #6

That is sad. I have no recommendations as to how to deal with your wife. I do note that low ejection fraction is bad, as that’s heart failure. This is evidence that insulin resistance is partly to blame for heart failure (it’s correlational, mostly, or performed on mice), and there is evidence that the failing heart prefers ketones. If your wife wants to help herself, a keto diet should help her condition.

(April Harkness) #7

I was EXACTLY like your wife. Even before keto. I overate 3 to 6 cans of frosting a night, a whole carton of oreos, whole pecan pie, etc. I hid it by overexercising. I USED to be a runner. That was how i would hide the effects of my food addiction. I would run 5 to 10 miles a day. It was sad. I eventually found intermittent fasting which helped. But i did keto three times , failed, then did it again, before it stuck. I know i have these tendencies but biggest factors in getting it under control- realizing i had an addiction, letting my loved ones know…and my therapist…helped immensely. I was put on a psych med a few years later for depression and suicidal ideation, which i was afraid would help one problem but might trigger overeating ( that is a side effect of zyprexa).Turns out…even though i did gain weight on this psych med and hunger did increase, i did not feel like putting away a pack of oreos like i had done in the throes of food addiction. It made me realize my food addiction from the past was rooted in some deep psychological trauma.

(Patrick) #8

I think if she has a hard time getting on your keto you might just try getting your wife on dirty keto for a start. That’s how i started. Used to consume insane amounts of food like 12k calories per day was normal. A big pizza before bed (ate whole and then i went really sleepy), a whole lot of snacks during daytime. So when i started keto i was not counting calories at all, just stuck to up to 30 carbs per day and alot of fats. Fat bombs like mascarpone-heavy whipping cream erithritol puddings and stuff like that, zero-sugar cola.But i preveiled and once you start getting adapted your body won’t get that insulin spikes that are what drives to have this snack cravings. Then you can begin to cleanse the diet of such products. Atleast that is how i got on keto, really dirty, but at a time it was the only way for me as i believe is with your wife.

(Karen) #9

And people don’t recognize eating sugary carbohydrates an addiction.??!!!

Hiding food like, hiding alcohol, like hiding smokes, like hiding drugs are all signs of an addictive behavior. You don’t hide things and less you are ashamed and don’t want to see people see you using them.

The treatments are probably similar as well. Do you have an over eaters anonymous in your area? She’s going to need a lot of support and a lot of love

(Jane) #10

If low carb is too difficult for her perhaps you can get her on a whole food, paleo diet instead. Surely she doesn’t think that crap is healthier than whole foods, in spite of her doctor enabling her to eat carbs again.

Of course knowing and doing are two different things when it comes to addictions. But you can support her and try and help her the best you can.

(Boston_guy) #11

I’m the one doing keto but I would track down and devour any chocolate chips in the house… encouraged wife to hide her chocolate so I would not be tempted :slight_smile:

If possible, I’d encourage you to try to cook a good high-protein breakfast for the household (and clean up!). Protein is the most satiating macro. I like Ribeye… eggs work well too, and hollandaise can be made in a few minutes. Lots of salt too - sounds like she may be getting keto flu.

(KCKO, KCFO) #12

If you haven’t told her you know about the stash, do it. Also tell her how much she means to you and you don’t want to lose her to bad food choices.

Encourage her to lower her carbs, and eat only whole foods. Find recipes that are keto or even paelo to replace her fav junk foods, but honestly until she gets the sneaking eating under control, nothing much will change.

I also think drs. who make those kinds of statements without really knowing the patient, should be fired too.

I hope you can help her get sorted out, but remember, only she can do the real work on this problem.

(squirrel-kissing paper tamer) #13

If she has a sweet tooth would she be willing to try again but eat keto sweets instead? It may be the lesser of two evils and as she gets healthier she may need or want them less and less. Cold turkey can be really tough for some people, especially if they’re not completely on board. It would also show how much you care if you prepare them for her.

(Alicia Warren) #14

Hi KetoDave,
I agree with MooBoom. You have a carboholic on your hands. Hyperinsulinemia has got her in its grips. She needs to know that you know about her secret carb eating, and she needs to know that you understand how difficult it is for her to avoid the strong desire to eat carbs. Give her lots of love and understanding, recognise that it the high insulin levels that make her crave carbs, and try and support her to be strong. She is in a very difficult position because her doctor has caused her to doubt the keto solution, so she needs reinforcement that doing the keto thing is valid. Hearing it from you is probably not enough, she probably needs help from someone like Megan Ramos at Intensive Dietary Management. Has she read the Obesity Code by Dr Jason Fung. He creates a brilliant mental model of how hyperinsulinemia is the villain and how to conquer it. Because going keto takes a lot of will power and determination, she needs to have a really strong sense of why it’s worth doing.


She needs to clarify her motivation, her goal. Without a real goal there is no willingness. Does she want to achieve weight loss/ better figure? Doing keto for mental or general health?
I struggle with it too. I have huge ups and downs, extremes, fasting and binges. It’s not easy. She needs also good sleep to put her hormones in place, that takes longer time frame. There are many intricate internal factors why people do/don’t do things even if they know theory and benefits. We are just too complicated, humans. But I noticed when I have better sleep pattern things are easier and I feel more put up and willing to battle bad habits.
So she needs deeper understanding why she does things. Tell her she only lives once, it’s worth a trial. Keep fingers crossed for you.