People who, maybe unintentionally, tempt us, or actually are trying to

(Denise) #1

I hope this is an ok topic to bring up here, but I have a sister that has always “seemed” to be my biggest fan, or, she can be my biggest enemy! Like offering, or bringing up alcohol consumption, or putting jokes about drinking in front of an alcoholic, she does it to me with her baking. Especially now, but it’s all year-round. Oh she apologizes, and I tell her thank God I’m not tempted, but I don’t appreciate it.

Her and her boyfriend, they’re in their 70, are both way over-weight, and my guess is she is at the least Insulin Resistant, and he is diabetic on Metformin. She claims, ewwwws and awes over my progress, then like I said, sends me something about sweets. I’m really not tempted to eat sugar at all. I was one of the lucky ones who made it through the withdrawals from it.

I feel for others that have to maybe “live” with people like this, luckily, I live with my dog! Great roomie, LOL!! Feedback or stories of your own welcome :wink: Denise

(Laurie) #2

I think with some people it’s the “don’t think of a white bear” thing (ironic process theory). She associates you with not-sweets, and therefore with sweets.

I know people who do this too. One in particular.

(Denise) #3

I appreciate this but I am not understanding it. I will look up Ironic Process Theory because I’d rather find out it’s not because she is being mean to me, or trying to be, lol!!

(Marianne) #4

Oh, I get it. Luckily, no one in my family does this, although they don’t agree with my “diet” and think I am doing irreparable harm to my health. I worked with a woman, however, who, like me, was overweight. We shared a closed door office. When she used to know I was dieting (when she wasn’t), she’d bring in an assortment of candy and put them out in the office for anyone to take. People would come in to chit chat and take a piece of candy, and both of us would eat it, too, occasionally. As many of us know with convention dieting, it never works for very long, and it used to be a complete test of willpower to stay on any diet for 2-3 weeks. If I wasn’t losing or had gained, or had a crappy day, that would be it - eventually I’d succumb and just say screw it - and I’d eat a bunch of that candy. And when I got home, I’d be off and running until who knows how long. I knew that in a perverse way, it brought her pleasure. Misery loves company, I guess. I may be effed up in other ways, but I never did that or would do that to another person.

Me neither. That is such a blessing - and a small miracle, based on how I used to eat!!! Thank goodness we have that. I just won’t cheat on keto. Not only am I not tempted or have cravings, I just won’t go there. I know where it will take me. Yes, I have fond memories of many foods and enjoy the sight of them, however, I don’t entertain that for a minute.

(Denise) #5

Thanks Marianne, I appreciate all you said, and it helps to talk to people for sure. Glad I went ahead and posted it :wink: Denise PS I was all about gut-bombs, way more than candy, that I’m sure was my downfall! OMG, the Golden Arches!! I gotta stop!! LOL!!

(Take time to smell the bacon) #6

Addicts and alcoholics trying to get clean and sober experience this all the time. It’s as though the other people are living out their addiction through the actual addict/alcoholic and resent any change to the cosy system that has evolved. Sometimes the family system will change and grow healthier, as the addict/alcoholic persists in recovery, sometimes, in order to remain clean and sober, the alcoholic/addict has to cut off contact with the family members who put temptation in their way. It also happens, all too frequently, that the family drives the family member they claim to love back into addiction.

Whatever happens with your sister, remember that you are entitled to do whatever you need to do for your own health and recovery.

(Denise) #7

I will do that Paul, and thank you much :wink: I think I just needed to vent, and got a lot of good info from others. Thanks again, Denise

(Robin) #8

I have learned to not be very specific about my “diet”. I just say I am limiting carbs for health reasons. Zero details. Too much info often tempts people to find fault with a specific part of it.

(Laurie) #9

@robintemplin I agree. I was going to say that too, but forgot! It’s better not to tell anyone what you eat, etc. Sometimes we feel we have to say something, e.g., if we are house guests or dinner guests. But then we might regret it.

I prefer to tell people, “There are just too many things I can’t eat,” without giving specifics. You are right; the more you say, the harder the pushback will be.

(Butter Withaspoon) #10

Robin that’s such good advice. I’m making to appear more normal now, even accepting small amounts of foods I wouldn’t eat at home (it won’t hurt me). They have to process that I look radically different. I compassionately understand that it CAN be confronting when a person is plagued with aches and pains, yet Hallie is practicing her headstands :laughing:

(Tim Cee) #11

I out-scramble my younger brother to the cliff edge where we’re about to catch sea bass and make sure he knows it’s because he’s not on keto like me and if he was he’d have more time to have bait in the water instead of watching me fish from afar while he delicately tries to catch up. (Hyperbole is not an effective form of communication)

What I’m trying to say is that I’m fortunate that I feel good about my family’s attitude towards my diet except that I wish more of them would take the plunge. If somebody was harassing me for not getting in the deserts with them I’d make sure they were apprised of the lunacy it entails. This week for example:

Boss: have a cookie
Me: no thank you, I have been disallowed.
Boss: by who, your doctor?
Me: no. It’s my decision.
Boss: okay why?
Me: because I’m sick and tired of being sick and fat.

Everyone in the room responds in turn with some lame excuse about why they’d rather be sick than healthy. But I know deep down they all know I am right and wish they could heal themselves. If they ask, I will enthusiastically help them.

(Will) #12

This comment could have been my own, my closest family and friends do not agree with my decision to change to a keto way of eating, I never call it a “diet”. I’ve started telling people that I have to limit my carb intake for health reasons. Which is 100% true. They seem all good with that but mention keto and they look at me like I’ve lost my mind.


I am fortunate. No one questions my carnivore ways. I got the supportive family and they only see health improvements and don’t see any bad from eating this way for 5 years so…I got lucky having no one 'in my way.

but my hubby did say alot before, oh try this food I got, or you want 1/2 this dessert I ordered or let’s go eat this or that while on vacation and I do have to remind him alot I don’t eat that anymore LOL He is not doing out of any type of being an enemy to my eating, he forgets I changed cause for like 30 yrs us being together was all about food for entertainment and eating out to enjoy all kinda of different foods and restaurants. But now after this time he doesn’t even ask if I want a taste or a bite, it is more rare since time has finally cemented into his brain I won’t eat it :slight_smile:

For me personally, if I felt that someone was coming at me directly and being overly in my face and destructive and trying to sabotage, they would get an earful from me. I am the type that won’t allow someone ‘to toy with me’ to the level I really feel uncomfortable. Sure some joking from family about ourselves is cool, but there is a boundary line ya know for everyone that should be noted. I think sometimes family believes they can cross that boundary too many times, like they have some type of right to do just that. They don’t and sometimes you have to remind them of that.

In the end just take care of you as you see fit. If anyone pushes your buttons a tad too much, SAY something. You don’t have to go rabid dog at them HA but it isn’t wrong to say, hey, cut it out every now and then to remind them they don’t have free rein to crap on your personal parade.

(Marianne) #14

Exactly. I’m not longer going to defend or explain my WOE to anyone. I just fluff off any questions or comments. “You look great,” is usually a cloaked prelude to probing questions from people who haven’t seen me in a while. I always respond, “Thanks! I feel great,” and that’s all I say. You do you; I’ll do me.

(Robin) #15

Excellent response, “I have been disallowed.”
Sometimes someone will notice I am passing on a food. And they might say, “Oh, I guess you can’t have that anymore.” And I always say, “I’m not on a diet. I can have anything I want.”

It’s true and it shuts them up. win win


you said it here! ANY way to shut up others is always a great thing :100:

While we love family, friends and more in life, damn if they can’t be the worse of the worse against what we might require only for ourselves.

Judgement and opinions, fly like crazy out there LOL

close our ears to the chatter, do us at all times, never will be wrong ever!

(Denise) #17

Wow, I’m not alone that’s for sure, seeing all these replies :wink:

The only time I’m opened up about my Keto diet is around folks that ask why I lost so much weight. I was kind of surprised they noticed it. My sister I tend to tell everything, especially the way I eat to help her when she complains about being fat. I’d say I lost another 2 lbs and she’d say “well I found them”.

I’m just not sharing anything with her now except shallow stuff, like hows the weather. That’s her comfort zone, or asking me tons of questions. So if I want to atleast stay in touch with her, to avoid getting anxiety attacks just from trying to have a genuine conversation with her, this is just healthier for me emotionally and mentally.

Yes, I only tell folks I can’t eat that, much easier because no one really wants to know. My comfort zone is with other diabetics that are working on their nutrition like I am. I guess it is the same type of thing as why AA and programs for supporting eachother can work. I’ve always been maybe, too open with people before I’m either asked, or just not being a bit more aware of who I’m talking to. I won’t argue, that’s for sure, what a waste of time. Discuss yes :wink:

(Denise) #18

I love that you are bold in telling people Tim, I think we need to be, and if someone game me that kind of guff you can bet I’d tell them. I feel anyone questioning me deserves and answer, and they may not know it but they opened the door for me to share why I am headed away from Insulin Resistance, Diabetes, and being over-weight :wink:

(Denise) #19

That’s the right way imo. Too many of us have heard about all the latest diet “fads” over the years, and when I say Keto, I always kind of regret it because it isn’t a fad, loose weight quick, diet. So yes, I can’t agree more and I am going to remember that phrase :wink: “I have to limit my carb intake for health reasons” :wink:

(Denise) #20

Well said Fangs, and how your hubby is, or was, sort of reminds me of my sister. I think my anger rises up when I think of how she is poisoning her body, brags me up, but then she won’t do anything for herself. Then talking about her latest creation baking etc. I don’t want sugar when she does it, but I do feel it isn’t all forgetfulness on her part. She knows what I’ve been through with the diabetes, and she knows that my “nose” is in the books, and I am taking care of myself because doctors just want to give me a pill. I’d be on like 5 or more if I’d let them give them to me.