I’m a n00b here, but wanted to throw this in the NSV even though I’ve not been in this a full 3 weeks yet.
Quick background–I have an eating disorder. Binge eating that has plagued me for years. No matter how active I am, and I’m quite gym, hiking active, my calorie consumption during monstrous binges kills all progress, kills me internally, leaves me hopeless and depressed as I spin my wheels into the grave. I’ve tried a billion things to keep my satiation and emotional eating at bay, only to find myself being smashed over the head with uncontrollable urges to mass consume. I swear it’s like an entity takes over me and downs 5,000 calories in a sitting. I finally come to like, “what the heck did I just do”…as if I were sleep walking, but with eating.
Recently, I had been in a great deal of emotional pain due to the inability to control my appetite. I’m lucky I’m so active because If I was sedentary I’d be in an ever bigger mess. All I want to do is be healthy and I have this food demon that I felt was not able to be controlled.
Until…
Until I started Keto 2weeks and 2 days ago. I know, it’s early to start throwing the confetti, and I’m one to look for the devil behind every rock and tree, and I’m very leery of progress until it’s been long enough to say it’s helpful.
But I must say, for the first time in ever, actually, I feel like I have control. That’s not something I say lightly, because I’m generally a very out of control person who hates telling themselves “No” for anything. I’m a brat, more or less. My bratiness hates “No” or making myself abstain or do anything I don’t want to lol.
But I feel like I have hope, and hope is what I definitely need. I can feel the difference in my body, in my brain, my relationship with food. Thus far, I don’t feel like the food demon is about to possess me and drive me through the Burger King drive thru where I awake in a sea of wrappers and fry boxes yet again.
My problems are sugar and fried things. My fatty, coagulated heart usually skips a beat at the thought of consuming these things. I can honestly say, that I had a slight sugar craving last weekend, but it was so easily gotten over that I was suspicious lol. I haven’t binged since I’ve started Keto. Granted, not a long time, but 2 weeks and 2 days without a binge for me is like 90 years without a binge.
This was one of my main reasons to start Keto, to see if this lifestyle offered me some control that I so desperately need. The carbs and the sugar I was always eating, even healthy carbs, kept me on the insulin roller coaster and my mind had no shot at winning that battle. It’s a very moving thought to me, coming to terms with the fact that I may, for the first time ever, have the control I need to make progress with my health. Working out has never been the issue, I’m a beast tbh. My body just can’t combat the mass amounts of calories I was jamming into it.
There is hope! This alone makes me want to go on. Feeling like food runs your life and keeps you unhealthy and miserable really was creating suicidal thoughts for me.
I don’t weigh myself. I don’t measure myself. I don’t really care to, because I know if I continue outputting the things I’m doing, everything has to fall into place. I can’t get caught up in the numbers game, unless it’s a blood panel or something. My most concern is my mental state and my ability to control myself caloric-wise. So far, Keto has been the answer I’ve been hoping for, for years now. w00t w00t!
Dena
