Parables by THE JUICE - becoming a fat burning machine


(Running from stupidity) #1

Convert yourself to being a fat-burning machine!

Welcome to a modern-day parable :slight_smile:

You have a car. A Prius, because you’re a dirty stinking hippie from the Pacific NW.

It’s an old one. You’ve had it for years.

Initially, it ran on batteries, but they died because you didn’t use them enough. And because you’re a hippie, you’ve got no money for replacements (that startup you were working for when you bought it is LONG gone, baby). So you’ve run it on petrol for ages.

Then someone tells you they know a way to get the batteries working again. You think this sounds like an idea worth trying because it’s cheaper and better for the environment, so you ask more about it.

They tell you that in order to get the electric part of it working again, you need to keep giving it electricity by charging it. Sure, it doesn’t work for all that long after each charge, but if you keep doing it long enough, the batteries will work again, at least as well as before! (And the Prius has a tiny gas tank, so you’re constantly filling it, anyway.)

So you decide that you’ll try it. The trick, you’re told, is to keep putting juice into the batteries and just tiny bits of gas in the tank in order to tell the car you REALLY want it to run on electricity.

So you do try it.

You give it a charge in the morning. Then one at lunch time. Then one in the evening. If you need to, you even give it a charge mid-morning, then again in the arvo.

Nothing really seems to change for a while. Sure, you’re using less gas - a lot less - but this constant charging is annoying and tiring and doesn’t seem to be achieving anything except frustrating you.

But you notice that the car weighs less because you drained all the gas out of it by running it dry so you had to use the batteries almost exclusively.

So you stick with it, because deep in your dirty stinking hippie heart, you know this is what you want to do, to make the switch.

Then, just as you are about to give up hope, things improve. The batteries seem to be holding their charge longer. You can drive further without recharging. Your gas usage is almost zero.

Also the car now has less rust (PNW, remember) and it’s cleaner and the windscreen is clearer and it even seems smaller, somehow.

Next thing you know, you’re running on the batteries the car was designed to use! It’s cheaper, more effective and efficient, and you feel far better as a result! And sometimes you don’t have to charge it for days!

Now, substitute fat for electricity, and carbs for gas.

[1] “a fat-burning machine” v “a fat burning machine” - the difference between being on keto for a while, and being an obese serial arsonist.


#2

As someone from the PNW, I must call out this gross profiling. Hipsters drive Priuses, hippies drive Volkswagen vans.


(Running from stupidity) #3

Sorry, from Australia, your fine points of distinction matter not to me.


#4

And Down South we all drive 4-wheel, jacked up, pickup trucks. NOT.


#5

Portlanders didn’t go through severe Vitamin D3 deficiency for you to not concern yourself with making the distinctions between 50 Shades of Pasty.


(Running from stupidity) #6

yes I’m out of likes again. stupid software


(Empress of the Unexpected) #7

Nice! Loved reading it.


#8

:rofl:


#9

I don’t want to ruin the story, [spoiler]but the Prius cannot actually run only on the hybrid battery alone though, can it? I know mine couldn’t more than a few minutes if you run out of gas since it’s integrated with the ICE. Maybe the new ones can? [/spoiler]


(Running from stupidity) #10

It’s a fable, not a scientific treatise on hybrids!

That’s my get out of jail free card on that :slight_smile:


#11

Fair enough! :slightly_smiling_face:


#12

:sweat: i drive a prius!!


(Running from stupidity) #13

Are you a dirty stinking hippy?


#14

Hipster.


(Running from stupidity) #15

I walk everywhere, pretty much :slight_smile:


(Hyperbole- best thing in the universe!) #16

Haha! My first reaction, before reading your comment, was, “This is fantastic, but why is a hippy driving a Prius?”


(Full Metal KETO AF) #17

HEY! You don’t know me🤠


(Empress of the Unexpected) #18

My bestie is/was a hippy. A tree-hugger. Everything I don’t believe in. Now she is a pagan - whatever the hell that is.


(Running from stupidity) #19

I’m setting up some cognitive dissonance to make people pay attention :slight_smile:


#20

Don’t sweat it. People think that’s the best they can make jokes about the PNW? Get on our level.