Old loose shorts and the TSA

humor
loose-clothes
(less is more, more or less) #1

You know the drill. Before you get to the gate to board your flight, you must remove all electronics and metal, shoes, wristwatch off, double-check your pockets, bags, and finally, pass through inspection – like a mini-colonoscopy. Anyhow, flashback a couple of hours earlier, where I’m dressing for the day. My only pair of shorts are my now way-too-loose shorts. Slap on a belt, and I’m fine-ish, right. Well…

There I am, converting myself into Mahatma Gandhi to get through inspection, when a TSA agent helpfully reminds me; “and your belt, too.” Unthinkingly, I unthread the belt. Um… My hands grab hold of my gravity-obeying shorts.

Houston, we have a problem.

Now, don’t forget, you must hold your hands overhead for the full body scanner. By now, it’s clear that I decided to wear my dad’s shorts. I see beads of sweat form on the forehead of every TSA agent watching my exam. (Yea, they’re human, too.) I spread out my legs, and shove my belly out as far as I can, and assume the pose. I hear a faint “ding” as they steer me out of the scanner. Of course, we’re not done, yet. I think there’s one Don Rickles reincarnated as a TSA agent, who insists on a pat down. Really. “Sir, you better grab those shorts tight, no one wants them to drop.” Thank you, captain O.

The good news is my shorts didn’t drop. The public and I are relieved at this. I scramble to rethread my belt, before I reaquire every other earthly possession to end this abomination.

Now onto my flight.

Oh, by the way? I never fit so comfortably into airplane seats as I do now.

('Jackie P') #2

:rofl::joy:haha! This really made me giggle! Thank you for that!

(Lazy, Dirty Keto 😝) #3

:joy: I’m glad they didn’t fall :sweat_smile: and congrats on your NSV! :tada:

(squirrel-kissing paper tamer) #4

Good story, I was sweating it for a minute, I thought for sure you were going to say they dropped.

(Diane) #5

And that you were going commando!

(Karim Wassef) #6

I’ve been there. It was the motivation to finally go buy new clothes…

#7

Oh @Screenack, I’ve got tears in my eyes! :rofl:

You should have let them drop and proved to them the scanner was not necessary!

#HNSV

(Hilarious Non-Scale Victory!)

(less is more, more or less) #8

That is hilarious. Oh the drama, oh the potential. Hands up, pants down; “You tools! (Glaring at the agents) Look what you have wrought…”

#9

I assume you still have a second chance on your flight back. :grin:

(Margie) #10

:laughing::rofl::smiley:

(Margie) #11

:rofl::hugs::orange_heart:

(Britt) #12

I felt like I was right there with you and wanted to hold up your shorts FOR you!:rofl:

Congrats on your “loss”:grin:

(Karim Wassef) #13

Rope belt?

(Kirk Wolak) #14

Two thoughts for you. Depending on the shorts… Convert your belt into one with a PLASTIC (not metal) clip, like luggage straps. Or velcro. I did the former.

A third option. Put a pull tie in the outside pocket of your travel bag. Use the pull tie through 2-3 belt loops, and cinch them together. It looks stupid, but it works in a pinch. I had to do this because I did not have a belt!

(Tony ) #15

Humm, I dont wear jocks under my shorts , like a lot of blokes here dont ( too hot, Qld Australia ) . I would have let mine drop ! Who cares, we’ve all seen it before !!!

#16

A lot of TSA agents are doing Keto or IF, so they undersand loose pants (and special snacks, avocados and powders in luggage). They don’t want to see your butt crack any more then you want to show it… and people lose their pants all the time because the giant pants craze has been around a long time. We are more concerned about funky feet. Congrats on the weight lost.

#17

Oh @kbee, funky feet would be my Kryptonite! I bet your not any happier with the shoe policy than we are.

Do they let you double glove? :nauseated_face:

(Kelly Mitchell) #18

Ha!
I politely request a patdown instead of those scanner devices. It’s called an opt-out. If you’re polite and joke around with them, they’re usually pretty agreeable. You can always say your doctor advised against it. They have a negative effect on some heart conditions. I think they may do worse.
NB: not talking about metal detectors, of course.