Not sure what to do next

#1

So long story but I’ll shorten as much as possible. For those who have seen my posts before I’ve been going on and off keto for a few years now but always hit stall points that end up with me cheating or quitting.

This time around I decided I wanted at minimum a low carb diet and life style because of the way it makes me feel.

I am feeling somewhat guilty and discouraged though. My boyfriend is doing keto with me but he hasn’t lost any weight on it. I have tried to give him advise about getting better sleep, quitting caffeine because he has it in such large quantities, being more active, etc. He’s spent most of the last week and a half with a pounding headache I’m very sure is 80%caffeine and maybe 20% from not getting enough sodium and calories. He acknowledges it but changes nothing and complains it’s not working. He complains the diets too limited and he can’t enjoy his old foods. I told him he’s free to quit anytime since I’m the one having to do all the cooking and to be honest it’s hard to cook for someone who gets bored of having the same or even similar types of food more than once in a week, he won’t eat left overs, and I’ve had to spend hours out of my day to cook keto versions of garbage food to satisfy his desire to snack on something other than cheese and pepperoni.

I myself have not lost anything since my last post either. I am fairly sure it is because of the exercise but it’s just really grating on me lately.

He got me flowers today to tell me he appreciates all the word I do around the house but I just wish I could somehow get him to lose even 1 pound to get him out of his pit of misery and doubt. It’s draining to wake up care for the house, the pets, do all the shopping, the cooking, and still find time to get exercise in while he sits at his desk and whines about how he doesn’t get to eat pizza (he 100% will not eat a weird pizza knock off)

This is mostly just a rant but ugh :pensive:

(David) #2

It’s interesting to read your story, because I’m new to this too. I would liken it to giving up smoking. It’s not easy. It doesn’t always work unless you find a strategy that suits you. And ultimately you have to want to do it.
When I was on a high carb diet, I found exercise did not deliver weight loss. On a low carb diet I’m finding the opposite. To achieve weight loss it seems that some exercise is essential. I don’t overdo it. Half an hour, 5 mile bike ride will do. It just seems to help.
It’s very difficult to give someone advice but… If he likes pizza then maybe cheese, tomato and toppings etc grilled on a low carb toasted bread base? It’s not pretending to be pizza, it’s cheese on toast with toppings. But maybe that is close enough to hit the target without incurring too many carbs, and he could help to make it. He could put on whatever he wants.
Most blokes seem to enjoy a bit of cooking even if their repertoire is a bit limited. I’m still thinking of how to solve the low carb solution to curry, chilli, and Bolognase.
Good luck.

(Michael - When reality fails to meet expectations, the problem is not reality.) #3

I know this is serious post. Still I got chuckle out of it. I’m at work right now (day #8 of 8 consecutive) eating my pepperoni and cheddar! 3 grams of carbs from the cheese. :wink:

(Joey) #4

Having read your post, my heart goes out to you for what you’re putting up with. My fatherly suggestion: Sweetie, you need a new boyfriend. This one sounds like a loser.

#5

no it’s totally fine i told him he whines as much as my 12 year old and told him he’s allowed to quit at any time and he was like “no…”

#6

nah he’s good he supports me financially he lets me do most whatever I want. He works from home and he streams so he essentially has 2 full time jobs but there are some life-stlye changes he needs… he wants. but he hates putting in the effort and keeps leaning on me to make him and it just puts too much stress on me.

(Ron) #7

Maybe you should be telling him personally face to face what you are posting here.Communication might help. :+1::wink:

(Troy) #8

So sorry about this
This is interesting
Diving in to some thoughts though

I will quote one of my favorite Philosophers🤔

" You’ve got to know when to hold ‘em
Know when to fold ‘em
Know when to walk away
And know when to run
You never count your money
When you’re sittin’ at the table
There’ll be time enough for countin’
When the dealin’s done" - Kenny Rogers

OR

+1
For sure…
I agree with @mtncntrykid

Good Luck🙂

(Polly) #9

Hi Yaz there is some good advice already in this thread.

If I have learned one thing in life it is that you cannot do this for someone else. They need to want to follow the diet and put in the effort themselves.

How much does your b/f think he wants to lose? If he is serious about wanting it then I suggest you tell him that he needs to give it 28 days of doing it your way. If that means eating the same meals every day then it won’t kill him. [Incidentally - we fight over the leftovers in this house so see that as a bonus!]

Is he grazing throughout the day? You mention snacking on cheese and pepperoni. That would be enough to stop me losing weight.

#10

Why dont you just stop trying to influence him? Its like telling somebody to stop smoking. Nobody stops smoking because somebody ELSE tells them to do so. They have to find the motivation in themselves- only that personal conviction can get them to change. So I say: Just do your own thing and let him do his. Might be tough to restrain from having that pizza with him. But what I am reading up to now sounds like pure misery. Dont do this to yourself or to him. We might be a couple, but each still has his own life to live. And trying to convince him of something he obviously doesnt believe in is a recipe for failure.

#11

She does nothing like this. She told him he is free to quite, HE doesn’t want it… It was mentioned multiple times.
This is the problem, the guy is stubborn but don’t do things right and whines. It must be very hard living with him now.

#12

“HE doesnt want it”
Exactly. So leave him to eat what he wants.

(Linda ) #13

Have you considered suggesting to him to do intermittent fasting and eating his old diet?..alot of people seem to do that also and lose weight… if it’s just weight he is looking to lose…then if and or when he is ready he will approach you to join you on keto…if he is constantly whining he isn’t all in anyway his hearts not in it…

#14

He doesn’t want to QUIT. Read the original post…

#15

but obviously he DOES want to quit. He is giving her a hard time with double messages. In such cases one should just let him go to do what wants or he will continue to turn everybody into a pretzel. Its a ploy.

#16

He’s conflicted - wants to change, doesn’t want to change - which is normal! Most of us have this, and at some point when we decide to shift our WOE the wanting-to-change part wins out. The problem is that both of you seem to be putting the responsibility for his change on you. It’s like you’ve become an external force/voice for that change, which is kind of perfect, because then he can grouse to you about it as if his change is your thing.

He has to fully own what he wants. If he’s handing that part over to you, then he can continue to argue with you about it and never really deal himself with the inevitable discomfort of change.

Personally I would find every way to be loving but not try to convince him of anything. You do your thing, and love him to bits as you sincerely say “this is what I’m cooking this week for me. What would you like?” Based on what you’ve said about the splitting of the work right now, you might be fine with the extra food shopping/prep, and if you’ve cooked what he asked he can hardly be upset with you about any of it. When he complains, don’t throw it back at him or argue about it, and don’t take it on as having anything at all to do with you. You can just be sympathetic and move on.

#17

She lets him. And anyway, it shouldn’t matter so much. He is an adult, he should decide what he wants and he shouldn’t bother others too much in the process.

Our woe is up to us. There are circumstances but usually it’s our decision, our responsibility…

(KCKO, KCFO 🥥) #18

Yaz, You and your man need to communicate better. Sounds like you feel you OWE him, since he supports you financially. This isn’t about the food. Address the elephant in your house.

Good luck with your WOE and your relationship. Both demand a lot of work.

#19

Yes there are a few things I’m going to suggest to him and try to get him to follow through with. I know today’s the day he might give up. he weighed himself today and his weight went up again.

He wants to lose about 50 pounds. There are just so many variables when I’m trying to guess and he doesn’t log food.

Today I’m going to get him to do the urine test to see if he’s even in ketosis.

If he is I’ll suggest a fast for a day to try and get him to lose a little.

Then from there get him to log his food (all of it) I’m wondering if.all the cheese and pepperoni he’s been having is effecting it.

Plus we need to be more regimented about sleep. He is notoriously bad about sleeping 5 or 6 hours a night. I sleep 7-9 hours.

Lastly he needs to do some exercise, he hurt his toe pretty good a few days ago so he’s back to living in a chair.

#20

I’m not, I am doing keto and happen to live in the same house. I’ve told him repeatedly he doesn’t have to do it. He wants to do it.