I’ve been so thankful to discover this forum and how welcoming and informative everyone has been. I wanted to share my weight loss journey and maybe others can relate. Maybe not.
I was actually a small kid, but puberty changed all that. I went from a scrawny 11 year old to a 13 year old with the nickname “Dolly Patton Jr.” from classmates and a 36C bust. Looking back I wasn’t fat, but for a teen you compare yourself to the popular girls and I was defiantly not skinny.
In middle school I lost all interest in sports. I dropped volleyball as soon as they said we had to wear those buns. I asked the track coach if I could just practice with the team and not compete. She said no. I had to compete to be on the team. So I was placed in the half mile competition. But I was slow, and I would sprint as fast as I could being embarrassed to lag so far behind, which would always result in side cramps by the second lap. My teammates would chastise me for not being able to run the whole distance. So I filled that under the never again list. In HS I concentrated on more academic pursuits. I tried diets here and there through HS but not with serious intents.
My first real serious diet foray came when I was 19. My boyfriend had broken up with me to date my best friend. I was crushed. I was stupid and thought it was the end of the world. In a matter of months I went down to my lowest adult weight ever, 109. Of course I was doing LF CICO. Revenge body is sweet… while it lasts. Even then I didn’t see myself as a skinny girl. I remember my sister visiting from out of state. It was the first time she had seen me in months. Of course I new I had lost a lot of weight, but I recall saying to her “I really just want to get to a point where I know what it feels like to be a skinny.” She cocked her head and looked at me and said “you ARE a skinny.”
Anyway, as with CICO, the metabolism slows and it takes fewer and fewer calories to achieve weight loss and even maintaining means a lowered calorie level than one can reasonably maintain. So eventually the cravings got out of control. Once I felt myself slipping, there was no climbing back. A cheat became a binge. The binge left me feeling like a failure. The self hate and lack of control led to my first episode of bulemia. To my credit, it was short lived. Just a few months. I knew what I was doing to my body and eventually just gave up. The weight came back and then some.
This cycle would repeat itself at least a half dozen times over the next 20 years. Each time the weight would come back with even more. I’ve lost hundreds of pounds over the years and gained it all back.
At 42 I was at my highest weight ever, 192. I could no longer buy clothes in the regular sections and had to move to plus sizes. So I did the whole process all over again. This time I decided I needed a physical goal to keep me on track, so I started training for my first 5k. I had to push down the crushed soul of that middle schooler who was mocked for not completing a half mile, but if there’s one thing about me, it’s that once I set a goal and really commit to it, there’s no stopping me. Not only did I run the 5k, I came in 4th for my age bracket, missing placing by 20 seconds. And this was a big race with lots of participants.
With that goal down, I needed another, so onto my first 10k. Then a half marathon. As well as a bunch of other 5k’s sprinkled in. I was winning many of them including my 1/2 marathon. Don’t know what happened to that chubby slow runner in middle school, but I was kicking her ass.
But during training I developed problems with my periformis muscle. I was going to physical therapy and was told I probably shouldn’t do longer than the 1/2 marathon. The other thing about running with me was it was never enjoyable. I liked how I felt after I ran, and I really liked how I felt placing, but the run itself, not so much. I was training to run as fast as I could but not to enjoy it. And running 10 miles without a goal no longer seemed doable.
So without another goal and no real enjoyment from running, I left it slip. Which was about the same time the whole weight loss cycle was entering its final stage. The cravings, the binging, the guilt, the purging, the shame, the final acceptance of defeat…the weight gain.
Fast forward to January of this year. I had put back on 50 of the 70 I hadn’t lost the previous year and well on my way to gaining it all and then some. But my initial weight loss had earned me the responsibility of overseeing the warehouses’ health and wellness program. I know, the irony is not lost on me. Several people were asking for a Biggest Loser contest, so I set it up, and participated in it myself. 12 weeks and another LF diet. But I’ve never had problems losing weight. I thought I had it in the bag. The only person who gave me any competition was a guy doing Keto. Over the 12 weeks we talked a lot about our strategies. If the contest had been based on pounds, he would have won. Luckily for me it was based on % body weight.
I made up my mind about 9 weeks into the contest that I was going to try Keto. I waited until it was over though because… well $500 was on the line and I wasn’t about to risk it switching gears midway.
I spent the next 3 weeks researching all I could and I spent a good portion of my $500 winning on Keto books and new pantry staples.
9 weeks into Keto tomorrow and I know one thing for sure. That 12 weeks early this year was my last LF diet ever. I’d still like to lose another 13 pounds, but even if that never happens, I’m comfortable with my weight and know I have the tools to maintain for the 1st time in my life. I never want to repeat that cycle again. I can certainly lose weight faster on LF, but you can’t get back your self esteem as fast.
I’m also back running again. This time I’m not training for speed. I’m slowing down and starting to enjoy running. I found some new trails and really love the solitude with nature. I do have goals to do half marathons again, but my plans for the years to come are to do destination races so I can make vacations out of them with my husband. My sister does a Key West race every year that I’d love to join her on. The goal now is to be healthy and strong and love every minute of it.
All in all, I finally feel like I’m on the right path. It only took me 24 years to find it.
Thanks for sticking with my long, rambling story. And thanks for providing such a supportive forum for people like me.
KCKO.
