Mental Effects of Weight Loss

("Don't call it calories, call it food") #1

So, I have heard of “imposter syndrome” in the past as it relates to weight loss. I have read about the anger that people can experience when they receive significant attention for their weight loss.

I have only lost 20 lbs, and I was not technically obese before I started this journey, but I have experienced both of these things. I literally just looked in the mirror and was thinking that the scale was completely wrong and the world was somehow tricked and that suddenly I was going to be seen for my “true” weight (pre-weight loss). I was looking for the fat that I knew was there, even though I have lost it.

I spent a week so angry at my husband that I didn’t want to talk to him, and it was all because I was so mad at him for the compliments he gave me on my weight loss. I can’t parse my thought patterns at that point, and I still have lingering anger at him - there are other issues at play there, but certainly some of it seems to be a common reaction to attention for weight loss.

Seriously, this took me completely by surprise. Brains are crazy things. I am now learning how to tell my brain to stop freaking out about my current weight… But I am struggling!

Any tips from those of you that have experienced this?

(Katie the Quiche Scoffing Stick Ninja ) #2

Honestly, I’ve never called it that before but I can relate to the anger-weight loss thing.
When I was 13 I put on a significant amount of weight and did not lose it until my early 20’s, and from then on I received a crapload of attention from men, and I resented them so much for it. I was almost thinking "What is so good about me now that wasn’t there before’ and then I realised people are entirely superficial. It has deeply engrained a lot of other issues for me relating to that.

Then I put on weight again and then lost it again and it has been a vicious cycle. Now I am looking better than ever at 31 and it’s a constant struggle.

(John) #3

I am sure the people who say nice things to you are trying to give compliments, but I get it. When someone tells you “wow, you look really great, what have you been doing?”, they don’t realize it is EXACTLY like saying “wow, you used to look like shit and now you don’t.”

So while complimenting the current you, they are insulting the prior you, and of course to you, it’s just the same old you.

The underlying fact, though, is that in most human societies, looks matter. Better looking / healthier looking people get more attention, better jobs, more money, more opportunities. It sucks, but we are a shallow species. Life is like a big popularity contest.

My wife tells me she is proud of me for how hard I have been working at it and how well I have stuck to it. I consider that a legitimate compliment - she is showing recognition of my actions and dedication, not focusing on something like my appearance.

#4

I entirely understand. People are indeed shallow and We The Obese are guilty in some form or the other. I’ve even been guilty of “at least I’m not that fat” thoughts when I see someone much larger than me.

What really gets to me is the ignorance of people toward low-carb and fasting regimens. They compliment you about the weight loss but criticize you for your WOE because it is going to kill you. “You have to eat.” “Fasting is not good for you.” “Your brain needs carbs.” Yada, yada.

As for spouses, my carbaholic wife who is increasingly getting overweight but not yet close to obese, just shakes her head when I say I’m not eating the next few days. And she does this with a mouthful of baked potato and a piece of garlic bread in her hand. “You’re nuts, I need to have my healthy starches.” But then she compliments me for the way I’m looking.

Of course, best compliment is that I feel lighter. :wink:

#5

This is a really good topic. It’s true, we live in a superficial society that rewards looks.

For this reason, anytime someone has told me “you look great”, my immediate response is “well I feel great”. I want to take the focus off the external changes and place it on the internal ones; the better health.

It helps me deal with their shallowness. :wink:

(Running from stupidity) #6

I avoid people, that helps even more.

#notevenkidding #useseventosoundallAmerican

#7

Agree with you 100%!

#8

Agree!

#9

You don’t avoid us. :wink:

(Running from stupidity) #10

You’re not people, you’re all just figments of my imagination, communicating with me via a virtual interface.

#11

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

(Bunny) #12

Not superficial it is just what makes us human and distinguishes us from other mammals i.e. we are sexual beings and our libidinous nature is not based entirely on reproduction!

Men have more of this thing called testosterone and adrogen which creates more spatial imagery in the brain (hikes, peaks, 3 dimensional spatial imagery encoded into our procreative genes)!

Body shape, curves, proportionality (body image) are more appealing to either gender, but I think deep down we like positive attention for our physical attributes if possible (why is that such a bad thing?); because it makes us feel good about our mental and physical sense of feeling valued, that we are appreciated for our physical attribute as well as our mental ones or more envied because we are appreciated for our physical attributes!

Just some thoughts…

References:

  1. But what is the brain biology behind sexual differences? Join Bridget Nugent, a researcher from the University of Pennsylvania, to learn about how sex differences are created in the brain. …More

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  1. Medial preoptic area/anterior hypothalamus and sexual motivation.
#13

In my 20’s I was as thin as a rake - not a curve anywhere - but I still got a lot of male attention. Possibly it was just because I was in my 20’s but I also remember reading somewhere that insecure men will flirt with women that society/their mates expect them to be attracted to so as to gain their friends approval rather than that of the flirtee. All a moot point in middle age :joy: but I thought it interesting.

(Bunny) #14

And another being a shotgun wedding (never mess with the farmers daughter)… lol

#15

Humanity is sounding less appealing by the minute!

(Bunny) #16

Being that testosterone, androgen, progesterone and estrogens all interact and are attracted to each other we cannot disengage from our appeal to our humanity!

(Joanna Parszyk ) #17

This! I can totally relate!!! Whenever l’d get a compliment or attention from a guy l’d think “Oh really? What a BS, you’d never hit on me back then when l was heavier”… l’m not trying to not undermine myself like that anymore but still sometimes the thought appears.

(Joanna Parszyk ) #18

I’m laughing my now skinny ass off now :rofl::rofl::rofl:

(Hyperbole- best thing in the universe!) #19

My mom had been a nurse for many years when she lost a significant amount of weight. She said the male doctors suddenly treated her with more respect, like she was smarter now that she was thinner. And she wasn’t a pretty young thing at the time.

(squirrel-kissing paper tamer) #20

To the OP, I understand the anger. I grew with an anorexic mother who showed more love when I was thin and obvious disapproval when I was fat (she’s getting better about it in her old age).

I want my weight loss to be noticed and equally resent that it’s being noticed. :roll_eyes: