Losing weight on keto...and losing friends on keto

(April Harkness) #1

so before Keto I had two good friends…both vegetarian. When I lost my weight…they started becoming snarky with me. Through the grapevine, I heard they have been talking behind my back and one point blank said I was a huge snob and narcissist now.

I don’t think i changed at all. I am the same person I was. Sure I post more pics of myself on my fb and IG but that is only because when I was overweight I was a goddamn wallflower and was ashamed of how I looked. I refused to have pics taken of me. Now I feel confident And I love how I look. I feel comfortable in my skin.

But I am losing friends. One of my vegetarian “friends” tells me that “you may look good but you are going to die of a heart attack” every time she sees me putting butter or coconut oil in my coffee. She has been trying to lose weight as well and perhaps seeing me, a meat and butter eater lose all this weight, is an affront to my friends.

I had so many more friends when i was chubby. Not so anymore and it makes me feel a bit lonely.

(John) #2

Sounds like not such good friends after all, then, if something like you losing weight could make them abandon you so easily.

Usually, true friends are happy when you are successful with something and improve your life.

Maybe time to find some new (real) friends?

(Wendy) #3

People can be so petty. I noticed nobody likes the posts I share on FB about Keto or videos I share, and I don’t post often. It’s like a taboo subject.
At least they aren’t publicly bashing them.
I guess we make new friends. :roll_eyes:

(Allie) #4

Doesn’t sound like they were true friends to start with. True friends would be happy for you and share your joy. You’ll find new friends.

(Scott) #5

It is difficult to watch someone having obvious success when they are doing everything wrong from a vegan or vegetarian perspective. They will need to accept that maybe this (keto) works or avoid having to make that decision by becoming distant. It would seem they are comfortable claiming you “will get a heart attack” and walking away. KCKO

(Bunny) #6

Some quick counter one-liners:

“Keep eating all that sugar and you will die from a heart attack!” (if true)

“If you don’t eat fat your liver will make it any way and you will still die of a heart attack!”

(April Harkness) #7

Thanks for the counter one -liners… I just am too nice to talk like that back to someone. You know in media, tv shows…it’s always the skinny pretty girls making fun of someone who is overweight. I now find that it can also go the other way.It seems one just cannot win. All I know is that when I was chubby I had so so so many friends. And I may not be made fun of…but I am being isolated. So i seek refuge in the gym and just train hard. I find that my gym/ kettlebell sport/oly lifting friends have stuck with me. One of my kb sport friends even is a little wary about keto but she can’t argue with the results and says, “If it works , go for it.” But my friends outside of the gym world…are dropping like flies. I want more friends than just my gym/athlete friends. But perhaps this is how it is going to be.

#8

I don’t think this is how it’s going to be if “this” means no friends.
But it does if it means “not these people - better friends!”

I agree with everyone else - someone who gets snarky when you’re successful is a lousy friend. Maybe it’s because they’re too wrapped up in their own insecurities but in any case that means they’re not in good enough working order to be a decent friend. At some point in my adult life I realized that my friends were all people that I respect and in some area - work, social issues, family - I’m somewhat in awe of. Makes for a very dynamic relationship and it opens my worldview and raises my standards.

Be yourself, April! do your thing, be proud of your work, and find your new tribe.

(Paul H) #9

No friend is critical of results and success. People should always be evolving and changing for the better…Keep up the good work for you! If your dr and blood work are good with it. Please let them know… hard to deny facts… some people don’t want change…their loss.

(hottie turned hag) #10

Hon going by your photo, they are jealous. Women BE like that.
#oldhagwisdom

(The Lackadaisical Ketologist ) #11

All I can say is that if I was a vegetarian I too would be unhappy and snarky all the time. :grin:

I am sure it’s just a manifestation of how they feel about themselves being projected onto you. You chose a path, worked your program, and have achieved success. It sounds like at least one of them has not. Life is too short to get caught up in other people’s drama. Wish them the best and move on unaffected. People come and people go in all of our lives, it’s all part of the journey.

(Full Metal KETO AF) #12

Haters gonna hate…:confused:

You’re keto lifestyle is an affront to their vegetarian beliefs and efforts to be healthy. I would guess that your vegetarian friends aren’t doing as well as you are on keto, and are jealous in reality. Their problem, not yours. Find better friends.

And when your old friends make snarky comments tell them that you’d appreciate it if they kept their opinions to themselves, that you don’t care what they think about your eating choices because it’s personal and none of their business. After all you don’t criticize their choices, right? Don’t worry about the loss of such “friends”. You deserve better, and will find better.

I was a drug addict a long time ago and I had drop my old friends to make my life better, old friends wanted me in the same hole with them so I left them behind for a better life.

It’s better to have one true friend than a bunch of unloyal ones. :cowboy_hat_face:

(Lisa) #13

How someone treats you is a reflection of themselves and has nothing to do with you. Haters gonna hate no matter what, true friends love you no matter what. Better to find out now than to invest any further effort or emotions into them. People come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime, these were obviously not the lifetime friends, time will reveal their true purpose when you’ve healed. Time to make new friends! Hugs!

(Brian) #14

I can appreciate where you’re coming from. I lost some “friends” as my keto journey took me into a place where I lost weight and got healthier while they (vegans and vegetarians) continued to tell me I was wrong and yet continued in their same generally poor and unacknowledged health.

My depth of rejection went a level deeper, though. I had been of a religious persuasion that told me that being vegan or vegetarian was and important part of my eternal salvation so going keto was against the will of God. I am thankful to have left that particular denomination behind.

So in addition to casual friends, I also basically lost all my church friends as well, which is a pretty big thing to me. I didn’t lose much family because most of those, save just a very few, are happy with our newfound spiritual freedom and are also pleased to have witnessed our journey on keto bringing about much physical health improvement. We’re making some new friends but it’s been kinda slow to happen.

Anyway… you’re not alone! Glad you are here. And thanks for sharing. We’re all in this together. :slight_smile:

(KCKO, KCFO) #15

April, If they talk about you behind your back (they are being the snobs and narcissistics), you need some new friends. And if you can’t toss out a simple one liner after they say hateful things to you, get some new friends NOW.

You are not a doormat, don’t let anyone treat you like one.

Over the years, I had to give up friends due to multiple reasons. It seems tough but if you look for like minded people, you will find new and better friends. You might start by attending a keto/low carb conference or meeting, and networking there. But it can be done online too here. Find keto facebook friends ( I love the KickassKetoBitches group) or using this link to locate some ketonians near you who are looking for keto friends as well.

https://www.ketogenicforums.com/c/community/meatups

I wish you more successes with your WOE, And I wish you many new friends who understand that caring for ourselves is the pathway to being a good friend, capable of helping others to care about themselves. That way we all can be healthy and happy in our daily lives.

(Carl Keller) #16

One of our duties in friendship is to respect the stupid opinions of our buddies. If someone wants to define me by my religion, political affiliation or dietary choice, then they aren’t really a friend.

(Liz Ellen) #17

I’m so sorry you’re losing friends. Agree with all the others – certainly there are seasons for friends, and these clearly weren’t friends of the long-term variety.

I’m about halfway through my weight loss expedition and have gone from morbidly obese to (nearly) overweight. I have always made friends easily, and I do think it’s a little easier to make friends when you are chubby. You’re just so non-threatening when you have no neck. And you’re always up for beer and nachos.

On a related note, I was a newspaper reporter for years, and I found my weight worked for me: People just aren’t intimidated by a chubby girl with glasses and curly hair. I got a lot of scoops because I was so unassuming. People told me stuff and trusted me to handle the information fairly. I think they sensed in me that I knew what it was like to struggle, to be the underdog (which is true of anyone who survived adolescence while obese).

I’m not skinny yet, but I’m also no longer fitting into plus-size clothes. I feel like I am looking average for the first time in maybe ever. I have noticed some of my friends and family are treating me a little differently. I think it’s because they see how disciplined I have become in my eating; it’s as if they assume that I’m going to judge them more harshly on their bad habits because I’ve nipped mine in the bud. I just try to assure them that my life isn’t perfect because I’m losing weight. I still get angry, say stupid things that hurt others and have moments of overwhelming self-doubt. I have figured out a way of eating that works for me, but I’m several paces from nirvana.

(Brian) #18

LOL!! Thanks for the chuckle! :smiley: … but it’s true… :wink:

(Lazy, Dirty Keto 😝) #19

As others have said, they aren’t really your friends. Friends are happy for the successes of their friends, not jealous :woman_shrugging:t4: congrats on your success, we’ll be your friends here :grin:

(Edith) #20

And true friends wouldn’t talk behind your back. They would express their concerns to you in person.