Losing weight on keto...and losing friends on keto

(Randy) #21

You were mistaken. They really were not friends. Sorry.

(Bacon is a many-splendoured thing) #22

It’s not necessarily that these people don’t care about you. It is a sad fact of human nature that disturbing the dynamics of a relationship will cause a reaction in favor of restoring the old, dysfunctional equilibrium. Many addicts and alcoholics discover this in early recovery, too, so you are not alone. If your friends truly care about you, they will come round eventually, as you establish a new, healthier equilibrium in the relationship. Don’t pay it too much mind, or it’ll drive you crazy. Just keto on, and keep reminding yourself that you are entitled to do what you need to do to take care of yourself.

(April Harkness) #23

Thanks all. I have to say I missed some of these friendships when I was “not so pretty”. I was never ugly but I was never a standout or anything. I blended in. I no longer do.

I am actually in a relationship with a man who has been sober for a year from alcohol. I actually had a hard time dating because I chose not to drink any alcohol on keto ( I know some people do but the few times I had a glass or two of wine did not sit well with me at all. So I just do not drink alcohol at all. I limit my carbs (so no pizza and beer!) and I intermittent fast which makes some men VERY uncomfortable. This didn’t help dating either. My current boyfriend swiped right one me (yes, I met him on Bumble!) because I put on my profile - “I am a keto intermittent faster. I do not drink. I will also be a cheap date because I intermittent fast. Let’s do an activity instead of going out to eat. Rock climbing anyone?”

I was single for two years and then suddenly me abstaining from alcohol (never liked it anyways) was now an asset, not a detriment. Plus getting to fast for his high holidays? Easy.I intermittent fast already. Having to do away with leavened bread? Easy…I don’t eat bread at all.

He was impressed with my keto ways. LOL. My friends hated it. My bf thought I was some special superhero.

So I did lose friends with my lifestyle. But I did gain a boyfriend. Perhaps…eventually…more. :slight_smile:

Still I will be on the search for keto friends. Maybe I will look for a keto group I can meet in my city.

(Marianne) #24

Oh, isn’t this special! :laughing:

Girrlll, if I looked like you, you’d see me up on a billboard!

People who can’t share your personal victories are not true friends. I’m sure you all had fun together at one time, but now your paths and interests have diverted. That’s okay with you but evidently not with them. I bet you have them all thinking, though. If they are intelligent people and after seeing your progress, I bet they will covertly look up keto - and hopefully learn something. I’d get together a few more times to see the lay of the land - either they will accept where you are at or continue being petty db’s.

Good for you!

(KCKO, KCFO) #25

Loved reading this ^^^^^. You and the new BF will need to find some similar couples to befriend.

Wishing you much success.

(Little Miss Scare-All) #26

This is why all my friends are dudes. If you look better or worse, they don’t care. If you happen to eat less while eating out, theyre happy because they get to vulture off your plate.

Plenty of cool women out there, though. They just dont seem to be in that class.

(hottie turned hag) #27

Me too :slightly_smiling_face:

Not drinking made dating hard? Pfft. What decent man cares if a female drinks or not, seriously? The guys for whom this was an issue were prob just of the “have a few cocktails then come up to mine to view my etchings” sort.

(charlie3) #29

Living differently from other people in your community is going to be at least a little bit isolating. Eating only real food takes me more time, I shop more often, do more prep, even though it’s lazy bachelor food, (healthy lazy bachelor food). I exercise every day. That takes still more time. The exercise means I sleep more, still more time. I don’t do church or go to the bar. In America that’s isolating.

I find my food habits are never an issue unless I let them become one. Nobody notices my eating habits unless I want them to. I’m only pushy with my close family. Even then it’s gentle pushy and only because it seems to be working, slowly, like everything.

Things are changing pretty fast it seems to me. In the beginning, 14 months ago, if I used the word keto most people didn’t know what I was talking about. Now everybody has heard the word but may be haven’t connected all the dots yet. When their doc says they need to start taking pills and pricking themselfves with needles and visit the doc frequently their interest in what we are doing might increase. Be welcoming when that happens.

#30

@April_Harkness Misery loves company, and sadly, those “friends” who chose misery - saw that you chose not to be as miserable as they. So, now they’re projecting. Maybe they don’t want it bad enough- like you do. Maybe they’re jealous that you left them in the dust, and made the choice to succeed and work hard. Who knows? But true friends don’t treat you like they are. True friends are there to cheer you on, and be happy for you and your victories.

Your pic is nothing short of amazing! I’m so happy for you! You’re one of those shining stars who beautifully illustrate what hard work, diligence and a ketogenic diet can achieve. Thank you for the inspiration and updates. You’re awesome!

(Kent) #31

@April_Harkness, I know that we are not a substitute for the friends you feel like you are losing. It is hard to lose a friend for whatever reason (distance, disagreement, etc.) But I would be honored to call you a friend, even though we don’t really know each other.

I had the blessing of being able to attend KetoFest 2019, this last week in New London, CT. Wow, what a wonderful experience. It was hot and humid, but that didn’t seem to matter much when I was surrounded by so many people that I seemed to be able to instantly bond with and even though I suspect that there there were lots of differences culturally (religion, political, social, age, where we grew up, place in the Keto Journey, etc., etc.) One of the things that seemed to me to stand out was the acceptance of others in a huge way, even with all of those other differences.

I volunteered to help out at KetoFest in anyway that they needed me to, in an effort to give back in a small way, and to say thank you to Richard, Carl, Carrie for all that they do in bolstering this community of people who are just trying to get healthy. Besides all of the wonderful food, knowledge, and good times over the KetoFest weekend, I also made bunches of new friends and two in particular that I, even though they live a couple of thousand miles away, consider to be very close friends now. In just a three day period, we became the kind of friends that will remain close for the rest of our lives. The kind who you can have no contact with for months on end and the minute you connect again you feel like you never miss a beat. So, I hope things work out with the new boyfriend and I hope your “missed” friends come to their senses and realize what they are missing by choosing to not act like a real friend to you anymore, but in the meantime, know that you do have friends here in the Keto community that would give you the shirt off our back.

@April_Harkness, KCKO, you’ve got this! And you’ve got us!

(traci simpson) #32

Haters 'gonna hate!!! YOU DO YOU BOO!

#33

Changing the dynamics of relationships thru weight loss and lifestyle modification does some really crazy things. Im 54, been overweight most of my life, I didnt care. Had a very serious illness and found out I was type 2 and had RA. So, I changed my life. Over a year and a half I have lost 60 lbs so far by way of Keto, dropped my a1c to 5.2. I have had co workers actively discourage my diet, (and I dont preach about it) leave candy on my desk, order in pizza and cupcakes for my birthday, get angry whenI wont eat goodies, and then, 2 co-workers who have been struggling with weight loss for sometime and refused to do low carb recently had surgical procedures to produce body changes they couldnt get thru diet while continuing to eat carbs. Envy? I dont know-these gals are a decade younger than me. Im certainly not competition. There have been positive things as well, diabetic co-workers who are trying harder to eliminate carbs and get better. But it definitely changes things.

(Susan) #34

You are an amazing woman; April, I find you an inspiration and have enjoyed reading all of your story and progress over time, and seeing the videos. I am proud of you that you were one of the featured people at Ketofest (that is our April!!).

I am upset that you have friends that have been back-stabbers and cruel because of your Keto successes. I agree with @BlueViolet that they are jealous bitches, no other word for them.

I think you are a star; and you are a very kind-hearted good person as well as being attractive physically. You have a lot of determination, and set goals, and go for them. You work hard, are a compassionate nurse, and an incredible woman. The old saying of “with friends like that, who needs enemies” comes to mind here. You need friends that have your back, and care about you, and are happy for you for all the victories you have.

You seem to have a great relationship with your boyfriend, so I am happy for you for that. I am sure that he is very proud of you =). Hugs =).

#35

This is an old thread, I’m sorry your friends were like that.
I’ve been on Keto 2 years. When I started I posted about it on Facebook.
I immediately got negative feed back! I was told to go to a doctor before continuing. Got to get a million different kinds of test. “Don’t do it you are going to die!”
One friend even cried literal tears because they knew I was going to die.
My entire Facebook was on the defense and only a few said Keto was okay, but be careful. I just stopped posting about Keto.
2 years later I still share my before and after photos. People are in awe at my transformation. But still refuse to except or comprehend how I did it. But they will blow up my feed when I post my progress photos.
So they can all go kick rocks. I’m a introvert anyway, so my solitude doesn’t bother me. I’m social when needed to be. But I spend hours in my workshop creating art or in my gardens taking in all the beauty.
Remember this is about you, not them. This is your life you are saving. Your life you are improving. Your life that you are perfectly happy with. And most importantly it’s YOUR LIFE! Be happy and healthy and let them just watch you SHINE :wink:

(Laurie) #36

People are like that, whether your success is earned or not.

I inherited some money years ago, and bought the car and house that I wanted. People sneered about the color of the car (white) and told me I should have bought a different house. ONE person said they were happy for me.

I once met a beautiful young lady who had previously been 100 pounds overweight, worked in a factory, and spent her spare time drinking with her fiance. She lost the weight, convinced the factory management to give her a sales job, and dumped the fiance and the beer. She experienced similar to the OP. She told me, “Some people only love you when you’re down.”

So if something like this happens, you have to recognize that it’s not you, it’s them.