I See Fat People

#41

This topic is much on my mind lately. I started in May and am thrilled with 55# weight loss but even more thrilled with changed in my mood/thinking/energy and ability to stay on track with this WOE. I have another 75 to lose but I’m invested in this new WOE and will be fine with however long it takes. I am 55 and have many aging friends and family members who are struggling with issues from obesity, colitis, depression, to dementia. I also have a sibling who is a physician, another a nutritionist, and a third is a nurse practitioner. In my family they are the “experts” despite their own struggles with metabolic syndrome to various degrees.

The past few months I’ll admit that I have been a bit obsessed, my free time is full with reading, watching youtube videos, experimenting with recipes, etc. As you all may know, it is a huge switch from the SAD/ lowfat, healthy wholegrain calorie counting lifestyle that I’ve followed since I was a teenager (and got me to 300# with out of control cravings and low self esteem for my poor success). I don’t think my friends and family understand how huge this is. I find myself purposefully not sharing this part of my life and its weird to have this secret thing I’m doing that is so groundbreaking for me. I have learned to keep it on the down low because the fear of fat is so strong - butter in coffee - how weird/ fadish/ dangerous is that - is what I feel they are thinking.

Now I feel I have found the answer and solution to my issues and have learned so much in the process that I would absolutely love to share with those I love. My eldest sister is 300+# in her 60’s despite WLS and is miserable. My Dad, a real sugar baby, has extreme short term memory loss (but no weight issues). My co-workers and family have observed these changes in my eating style, weight loss, and in my not wanting to partake in the sugary, starchy things that are on offer. Some have asked and I have tried to explain but it is hard to put all I have learned into a short conversation. Then I will hear “that doesn’t sound healthy” from someone whose diet is extremely carby, has a husband with huge dangerous belly, a child with depression, and her own condition of crohn’s, fatigue etc.

I just feel like I have found a victory and I want to share it! Its killing me when I see their struggles and I know this could help.

I tried to help my Dr. sister, 30# overweight, all in her belly - she half tried it and 2 weeks later said “it didn’t work”, she was starting her day with rice cakes and almond butter! The conversation with her was not good. She said she was hungry all the time. I suggested that her insulin might be causing that and knowing she might be able to have her labs run, I asked if she had had her insulin checked. I got alot of push back. She “does not have metabolic syndrome” (unsaid - that’s me - the one with 100 # to lose). Its “probably a malfunction of ghrelin/ leptin” Granted she has been a physician for 30 years but she is fully in the medicate the condition camp and isn’t up on recent research. At this point, I don’t think its a road we can go down but I know if she were to read some of the research by Eenfeldt, Westman, Volk/Phinney and others as I have, she might change her mind and possibly encourage my Mom to help my Dad reduce his carb intake.

And then there is my eldest sister and youngest sister both who have had WLS and are in the process of gaining it all back…My eldest sister is so uncomfortable (and probably in mortal danger) with being out of breath, sleep apnia, not fitting into seats, bad knees etc,etc. I am so scared for her and know she’d feel better on Keto.
My youngest sister is still down from pre WLS weight but I can tell is massively struggling and I want to save her from the pain. I feel weight regain from major weight loss is close to one of the most soul destroying things that can happen to a person - based on my 80 lb regain of a 120 weight loss (and that wasn’t the first time, the other time it was 90 lbs and got me to the new high of 300#). I exercised and monitered my foods like a fiend until uncontrollable cravings got the better of me. I regained and desperately fought it for 5 years before I found Keto, at one point only weeks away from WLS (went through all the preop work but it never felt right and I backed out). I know now what caused the cravings and don’t blame myself but I do regret not getting better information. My experience and knowledge from years of this fight should have some use!

Thanks for listening to my troubles - it so frustrating!

(Elaine Funk) #42

Thanks for sharing. I am so glad that you found hope and I pray that your family members would discover your secret! Meanwhile enjoy your new journey and stay on the path.

(Liz ) #43

I feel for you, that all sounds so maddening & sad. Hugs!!

#44

Thanks!

Sent on a Boost Samsung Galaxy S® III

#45

Liz - I live near you (if you’re in Lowell MA)- Chelmsford!

Sent on a Boost Samsung Galaxy S® III

(Liz ) #46

Oh wow, yes! Hello neighbor :smile:

(Nanci O'Connell) #47

Glad you are enjoying the rides! I find it so hard to even talk to friends who would benefit from keto I haven’t even thought about talking to strangers. I am making progress though. One friend just this morning told me she is hooked on keto after losing 2 pounds in 2 days. It started with a talk over dinner and then of course I sent her the first podcast of the 2 Keto Dudes (Thanks Carl and Richard). In two weeks I am having a bunch of girls from the office over for a Keto Dinner. I am making chicken parm, with pork rind breading, Carlshead pizza and some grilled brussel sprouts or asparagus with bacon and onions. If I can get one or two of them started it will be a success!

#48

I absolutely had this experience over the weekend. Was visiting family out of town. They all happen to be thin (not sure how we are related!), eat high fiber, avoid red meat in excess and are able to maintain homestasis with their weight effortlessly although some of them still have health challenges unrelated to weight or diabetes. They were absolutely horrified when I brought a water bottle with HWC to breakfast and did not eat anything except coffee. I was talking about my diet to my older cousin who is married to a physician (he is a very dedicated and honest person and an excellent diagnostician) and worked in the office for many years before retirement and mentioned that the reason I started down this road is I am hoping to help my TOFI T2 friend who is my age and on dialysis.

When I said I am motivated because the best endocrinologists in our area have not helped her, she said “you think you can find the answer if they cannot? Maybe there is no answer and maybe she does not want your help in finding an answer”

While I was a little shocked at this response, and my reply was what does my friend have to lose? She is already on dialysis and has other issues and without some intervention there is not much hope. I also said, I am not the one cutting open the mice and studying them, I am finding the studies that may help her, you do not need a medical degree for that.

There is a belief that everything that is known is available and it is not

#49

The wife and I also notice plump and obese people while we are out and about. We just look at each other and say “keto.” My mental and emotional intent is not to degrade or insult, but I feel genuinely disappointed that there are so many people out there who could lose so much body fat on keto, but they either don’t know, don’t care to know, or are wilfully blind to the truth.

(Stickin' with mammoth) #50

People don’t see the world as it is, they see it as they are. This woman was projecting, big time, putting herself in your sick friend’s shoes and speaking for her. You can always tell what a person believes about the world by what they imagine others are thinking. Her fear and insecurity are showing like a black bra through a white t-shirt.

Pity her quietly and keto on. You got this.

#51

You are absolutely spot on. I thought that too but for a specific reason @Aqua_chonk

I did not include it in my post but this woman has a rare chronic idiopathic condition that does limit her but not severely (although it bothers her alot) and is not obvious unless she tells you about it and will not kill her the way T2 will my friend. I think in her case it may be a food allergy of some type. She has access to the top doctors in the country (such as the Cleveland Clinic) and has had work ups that have been inconclusive or unhelpful in the medications that have been prescribed. No one seems to know what is wrong. Months ago I offered to do research and was shot down in a similar manner and she refuses to even talk about her condition. Then, when I mentioned that it might be her diet she snapped that her diet was excellent and not at issue (she is the oatmeal and berries for breakfast, lots of fat free chicken and salad), no junk ever but she will have a few bites of dessert in restaurants but will not eat the whole serving. She prides herself on eating a variety of whole foods in moderation

She is highly intelligent and made the observation when I was talking about my friend that I do not trust doctors. If not for the fact that I have more doctors in my immediate family than she does, I think she would have been offended by my attitude as on some level she might have thought it disrespected what her husband did for 40 years. As it is, my immediate family trusts doctors for some things and not others to treat

(Brian) #52

FWIW, I don’t preach to anyone. And I rarely mention specifics of my diet unless pressed to do so.

But a week or so back, I proclaimed to the whole world… well, I put it on my Facebook page for all 35 or so of my friends to see… that I’m on a new diet and many wouldn’t approve, but here it is. And I laid it out. I had one person say that maybe they should give it a try. I had one other question what it was that I was eating and not eating even though I’d laid it out pretty clearly. And I think I had two others offer their congratulations on having lost almost 30 pounds. I happen to know that there are at least two of my friends that are morbidly obese, and I don’t mean just a little bit, that didn’t utter a peep. And I’m not going to “preach”, either. But I will continue to put myself out there as an example to any of them who want to see it.

Yes, it’s sad to see people suffering. And sometimes I want to say something. But it seems like a person needs to be in the right place before they’re really ready to hear about something that takes what they’ve been told all their lives and turns it on it’s head. Some have to get desperate enough that they feel like they’re going to die if they can’t turn things around. I was approaching that point myself. And I finally said, “enough”, there has got to be something better than that food pyramid. And here I am. :slight_smile: Had I not been at least approaching desperate, I doubt I’d have paid much attention.

When the student is ready, the teacher will appear, at least that’s the saying. Might be something to that.

(Stickin' with mammoth) #53

Just gonna throw this out there.

My mother has had an assembly line of doctors attempting to “cure” her of all her illnesses for the last fifty years. It took me a while but I finally figured out her only real illness is an addiction to sympathy which necessitates a perpetuation of poor health to maintain. It made her feel special to be indecipherable by important people because it forced them to really pay attention to her and give her their full attention, something she never had growing up, much less from her husband, which she will tell you all about if you’ve got a few hours. The irony that I endured the same neglect from my own parents seems to be lost on her.

I may have been a victim of Munchausen syndrome by proxy as a result, but it’s a hard thing to admit to myself.

I was surprised when she seemed to embrace keto when I first introduced it to her until I realized it was just another way for her to garner attention. There’s nothing she relishes more than describing in great detail how restrictive her life is and how few her pleasures are: “I have to eat differently than everyone else! Everyone has to adjust their life and dinner party around me! Let me tell you why for the next 45 minutes with lots of adjectives…” Her symptoms are rarely witnessed, only described. Big red flag.

For many, the pain is real, and I’ve met those people. But there are many more for whom pain is a tool and unfortunately, a lot of us deal with them at Thanksgiving.

#54

I completely understand and sympathsize. Its funny I try to minimize my eating differences for that reason. For years I was sensitive to certain things but hated letting my host know because I did not want to be perceived as having eating differences or being a bother. That is one thing I love about fasting, I can not eat if there is nothing for me to eat and I do not have to tell anyone.

In my relative’s case it is not that. She has tremendous faith in medical science coming from a “Medical Family.” I do not think this is attention as she rarely talks about it and gets plenty of attention from her family and her husband without talking about this. Plus she is extremely athletic and this limits her ability to enjoy participatory sports. Even her adult children do not talk about it with her. I know about it and did not mention it once over the two days I spent with her

(Stickin' with mammoth) #55

Me, too. In fact, I’ve added health to the list of my taboo subjects: religion, sex, politics, health. 99% of the time, people want to complain about these things, not tell an uplifting, inspiring story about it, and they’ll scapegoat you as a selfish meanie if you don’t let them pour their pain all over you. It’s not helpful.

(Arlene) #56

I totally empathize with you. I have a relative JUST like your mother.

(Stickin' with mammoth) #57

Let’s give them each other’s number so they can feed off one another and leave the rest of us in peace.

(Carpe salata!) #58

Uh huh. My morbidly obese cousin has autoimmune arthritis with dry eyes needing frequent drops which are generally forgotten. The other day was a pic with an eyepatch as treatment for ruptured cornea captioned now I’m a pirate (with big smile). I can send over her number too.

#59

I’ll confess.

I am now seeing fat people too! Used to go about my business before, but now I actually notice them! I’m still fat myself, but I’m observing the candy and cereals in everyone’s shopping carts, and just thinking “please don’t eat that!”

(Bacon is a many-splendoured thing) #60

In the supermarket this afternoon, practically everyone was obese (including me, of course; I’ve got a long way to go). Even people who aren’t obese, but who are still overweight have chipmunk cheeks. There were three thin people in the entire crowd.