I messed up and I wanna start again

mentalhealth
newbies
(Ye Lyn Tan) #1

SO… I messed up after 1 week of keto and binged-purged again yesterday. I’m 169, 59kg, and I look huge among my peer(I have bulimia) I felt like my hard work was in vain. But, recovery takes time, I have to accept failure. This time, I am not going to push myself so harsh as I did (I tried to limit my calories intake as I scared I would gain weight which turned out make me loss my hunger control again). I will eat more fats and oil and don’t starve myself. I won’t look at my weight so much, I won’t feel guilty on the food I ate! Mess up is ok! As long as you don’t ever GIVE UP! Pls share with me your mess up experience and encourage me, I kinda actually lose some confidence on this second new start.

#2

You can always start again!

And do it with your favorite keto food. I like to do it with bacon & eggs, to satiety!

(Ye Lyn Tan) #3

my favourite is broccoli + a lot of butter!!! and some mince pork!! Would love to try out more recipe this time!! Tq for your encouragement!

(Amanda) #4

Success is getting up one more time than you fall! You are a success!

I don’t know much about eating disorders and Keto, but I feel like this may be a difficult mix, then again living and learning to manage an ED would be very difficult as well :confused:. Is there someone IRL that you can talk to, have a “Keto Mentor”? I would suggest not looking at the scale for a while (as long as you can), and just let the process be. For now, try not to worry about calories. Eat good real food, eat when hungry, stop eating when you’re not hungry anymore (this is not the same as full).

Take it one meal at a time.

Please check in regularly and let us know how you are doing. I will be thinking of you and your journey. :heart:

(Ye Lyn Tan) #5

thank you very much! I don’t have a Keto Mentor. I just research online myself and read books but most of them are applied to normal ppl not with ED. Thank you for your encouragement! I will continue sharing my progress here!

(Full Metal KETO AF) #6

Hi and welcome. I have never had a eating disorder other than doing too much of it. But I have had other addictions that I overcame besides overeating. And they all had a similarly, something had control over me that I didn’t want. So for me it was an awareness of the problem and my stubborn attitude to have my way with my life. You can be stronger than anything on this earth if you believe it inside about yourself. And I believe in you @helplessmode Ye Lyn Tan and don’t be in helpless mode :cowboy_hat_face:

(squirrel-kissing paper tamer) #7

I DO have a history with an eating disorder. The hardest part and what you should try first is to stop the negative talking to yourself. Show yourself kindness, give yourself a chance to mess up and try again. Treat yourself like you’d treat a stranger, is what I used to tell myself. I would never talk to a stranger the way I talked down to myself. Mother yourself.

You won’t ever be perfect but you can be the best you that you can be right now. What you did yesterday is in the past, make now and tomorrow healthier and happier. We can help you so stick around. You aren’t alone.

(Ye Lyn Tan) #8

Thank you very much for this encouragement!! I am not alone in this journey! I will treat my body better and not torturing it again. It’s time for me to love myself.

(Ye Lyn Tan) #9

Thank you very much! I probably will change my name ahaha. Addiction is really terrible! I wish I can get rid of it with KETO with the help from you guys. It’s good to hear that you have overcome your addiction too ! I’m encouraged by you! Will keep calm and move on to a better life!

(squirrel-kissing paper tamer) #10

It helped me to write ONE thing I liked about myself every night before bed, and something I was thankful for. It’s a good habit to get into and a good place for kind self talk to start.

(Ye Lyn Tan) #11

I probably will try it out!! It’s hard to change the way I treat myself spontaneously as it has already become a habit! Thank you for the advice

(Ye Lyn Tan) #12

1st Day (again):
I had a bulletproof coffee at ard 6am in the morning. I felt satiable again. I thought today I would prevent any binge and purge. Maybe Is due to the stress of exam and study, I had a strong craving for food during noon time. My stomach felt empty around 1pm though I had a breakfast round 10am with sufficient fat. So, I cooked myself a lunch. But the food though was still lingering in my mind. I started to eat cheese slice, nuts paste, coconut milk but it just couldn’t stop my craving. I touched carbs again. I ate biscuits and cereals until I satisfied… and purged all things out. I don’t know whether this may break my ketone or not. But after that, I was satisfied with the purge and the feeling of emptiness of stomach. I waited for dinner. Tdy, I ate out with my friends and it is hard to avoid carbs when you eat out. I can taste sweetness in the meat and soup. The thought of purging after meal came to my mind again. But I curbed it, I told myself everything will be just fine. Replenish my body with food, let it accepted them as nutrients though you will gain weight. Then, the thought disappeared. Ya, that’s it, this is today progress. I have not been weighing as I don’t actually got a weighing machine in my hostel. Will try to get one and start to take down progress to motivate myself. Hope tomorrow can avoid any purge again. Try to limit myself from purging more than 1 time in a day (in the past, I could be purging for the whole day, but I still gained weight and worse with chipmunk face). Will write down progress again tomorrow. :slightly_smiling_face::slightly_smiling_face:

(Ye Lyn Tan) #13

by the way, do you guys feel hungry even you eat a lot of fat? Or is it because I still didnt eat enough of fat?

(Isa) #14

I’m in the same struggle as you are, I’ve been battling bulimia for 17 years now (wow, writing that number down is kind of heartbreaking). Feel free to PM me.

(Amanda) #15

In the beginning, I was always ravenous. I just kept feeding myself keto friendly foods; my only concern was to keep my net carbs below 20g. I also limited myself to weighing once a week. After becoming more fat adapted my hunger cues have smartened up, and I am not the raging pit of hunger that I once was. I also craved protein like a caveman, not it is much more reasonable, but I still eat more than I need from time to time. Give your body time to adapt and accept the changes that you are making.

I am proud of you for making this commitment to taking care of yourself.

(Ye Lyn Tan) #16

Oh! Have you recovered ?

(*Tame Those Ghrelin Gremlins) #17

If you fell off, just get back on the horse again. I am new to Keto, but one thing I’ve learned is you shouldn’t worry about counting/limiting calories. You need to focus on your carb intake. You have it in you to be successful don’t let a fall off discourage you. :grinning:

(Isa) #18

I wish I could say I did. The truth is, I have way fewer thoughts and behaviors on the keto diet, but they are still there. I have realized I use bulimia and starvation to treat an underlying anxiety and depression that Keto helps with. I have also realized that that long w/ ED behaviors has severely damaged my body, and I am not losing weight on Keto. However, I am not gaining either. So I am re-learning how to eat, developing a healthier relationship with food and calories and healing deep trauma.