How can I deal with "You're being too strict" and the like?

newbies
(Jeffry Lauder) #1

I’ll start off by saying I’ve never been diagnosed with diabetes. I am only doing this because it seems healthier than the main stream way (Carl, Richard, and the science! have me convinced). But I very frequently go out to eat with friends, coworkers (and often my boss), and one thing I hear frequently is “you’re being too strict” or “just try a little.” Sometimes they’ll get fairly insistent about it. I’m sick of trying to explain the science that I only marginally understand myself to everybody that questions what I’m doing, so how do I deal with those questions succinctly?

#3

My strategy is to let others know the price I pay after eating “carbage”.

For instance, I scrape the toppings off pizza and discard the bread part. I then get the “dirty looks”. That’s when I speak up and say something like: “I can’t eat the bottom part…it makes me feel bloated and gives me a very sore tummy”. As soon as you describe pain, people feel sorry and have compassion for you (as opposed to imposing judgement). And, it’s actually true, too. Not a lie. If I were to eat the wheat part of pizza, I will be in pain afterwards.

(Ben Graham) #4

An easy option is to say you had a blood test which had you pre-diabetic. People change their tunes really quickly then.

Ask the group as a whole is any of them have purchased any low fat milk, cheese, yoghurt, anything and everything in the last week. Low fat is by definition a restrictive diet.

I explain that I haven’t had joint pain in 6 months, haven’t taken a painkiller in 6 months, haven’t felt like a nap in the middle of the day for 6 months, haven’t woken up overnight at all for 6 months, haven’t had my wife wanting to kill me for being an impatient arsehole in the car (I’m super zen chill now when driving).
I didn’t even lose weight as I didn’t need to, but I’m not giving up all the benefits that I listed.

When they keep going on after that, I realise they are just arseholes and if it was my colleagues, I’d just ignore it. If it was anyone else, I’d give it to them both barrels.

#5

The bloating/sore tummy line is a good one. People tend to be very accepting of dietary restrictions if they’re due to digestive unhappiness, IBS and food intolerances are really commonplace these days.

(Jeffry Lauder) #6

I like this because it’s both succinct and accurate. Is this a common side effect of keto? I wonder if I always felt this way while eating carbs.

#7

Oh yes. My gut feels much better now without carbage in my life.

(Allie) #8

Just tell them that you’re doing what is best for you and how much better you feel because of it, and ask them to respect your choice as you would respect theirs.

(Siobhan) #9

My boss actually said this at a cookout (half joking): “What do you have against sugar? Are you a communist?”
I replied with: “I don’t like being prediabetic and sick all the time”
He shut up real fast. Then I fed him a keto brownie and he didn’t say a peep about it being restrictive.
Since you stated you don’t have that type of health issue, you can just say “If I eat x I end up feeling sick and explain what sort of issue it causes”
Like: “If I eat a doughnut I end up feeling sick and my joint pain comes back and I have painful stomach problems”

I also like to respond to “restrictive” “don’t you miss xyz” with some slight bragging and parading of what I do eat: “Well I eat cheesecake, and steak and veggies, and salmon with butter, and all different types of curry, and chili… (continue list for however long you like) is it really restrictive just because I’m not eating things that caused me to be sick and miserable?”

One last example is when my coworker said (in the same room as me) that people who don’t eat sugar are crazy and it’s too extreme, and she’d be miserable without sugar to another coworker.
Since I’ve tried and failed to explain to her, I instead singled out the coworker she said it to when he was alone and brought it up casually and then said this:
“I can understand the perspective of seeing it as extreme or restrictive, and how you would be miserable without sugar, but for some people their life is already an extreme, and they’re already miserable. When you’re in pain, or facing expensive medications, or your joints hurt, or you’re very obese, then not eating a doughnut, or bread, or pizza becomes something you’d do happily to get your quality of life back”.

So my responses range from short offhand “this is a health thing for me”, to lighthearted “I get to eat all the delicious food”, to very sincere “you need to think of this from the perspective of another person to understand”. :slight_smile:

(Karen Parrott) #10

I always say, well, I was getting too sick eating foods that caused disease. So when I went to follow the doctors orders on weight loss and disease avoidance this is how it works for me. I really like my size 6 pants and I show them the 5’1" me 70+ pounds overweight.
https://www.ketogenicforums.com/t/the-super-dooper-real-life-photo-thread/336/22?u=gardengirlkp

People shut the heck up fast. I"m a food addict in recovery, but I don’t ever need to tell them that. They don’t have to pay my high health insurance premiums or bills, they can shove off.

(Karen Parrott) #11

LOL, the people that say they’d die without sugar- more drama than a little kid. I was dying with sugar…

Great responses. Thank you for sharing.

#12

It’s very simple to say “I have carb-intolerance” And if ppl want to know more you can explain.

(Cathy) #13

Just whisper the words, irritable bowel syndrome and the conversation changes very quickly.

I am always amazed that other adults think it is okay to comment on what another adult eats or doesn’t eat. I think it is the height of rudeness.

(Mary Ann) #14

I am always amazed that other adults think it is okay to comment on what another adult eats or doesn’t eat. I think it is the height of rudeness.

This. It’s none of my business what someone else is eating. Too many people cross boundaries around food.

(Mike Keathley) #15

For people who are insistent, if they get too pushy and upset, just say drop it. If they don’t, leave. As for the research, just say that you don’t know but you’ll look into it. Then look into it and follow up with them. It sounds like some are genuinely concerned with your health. Those are good friends and will probably come around. The ones who insist on you trying their food probably would prefer to hold you down rather than lift themselves up. Those are bad friends.

(Mike Glasbrener) #16

There’s so many great ways to respond captured in this thread. So I’ll add not meant to be mean nor aggressive… Why do you care? At the end of the day unless they hold you down, force food into your mouth and not let you spit it out you are in control. Be strong and do not let anyone goad you into choices you know are unhealthy for you. Thus you do not owe them any explanation and if they are good friends they will respect your choices. If they do not it is ultimately their problem not yours. Carbage is a horribly slippery slope. One bad carb tends to lead to another. Don’t let yourself be lured by the dark side.

(Jeffry Lauder) #17

I totally agree in theory, but social pressures as they are, I find my resolve flagging a bit under the onslaught.

#18

I think choosing not to defensively respond works well. Smile, don’t defend, Don’t dramatize Keto lifestyle. Look them in the eye and smile. I might consider saying with kindness that I am tired of explaining my food to people and for them to know that I feel healthy and good spirited. Generally for me I don’t receive the comments you mentioned…I get the horrified look that I dare to eat full fat, meat…with fat, or the expressed concern about my intermittent fasting. OK, so none of these people mentioned a thing when I was gaining weight to the point of obesity and there is a little confusion that I am losing weight, alot of weight and eating fat. Maybe the response could be…“Oh don’t be afraid, it’s all ok”. cheers

(Siobhan) #19

To me it screams addiction (sugar has been shown to be addictive after all). That tends to be the first thing they go to.
“Oh I could never do that, I’m addicted to bread/mashed potatoes/etc”. They may be joking, but there may just be a little bit of truth in that statement.
No judging on my part though, I used to be the exact same way and know how it feels to have that mindset. I just had a big enough “why” to push past it.

#20

I’m fortunate in that everyone around me knows I’ve been unwell and undiagnosed/wrongly diagnosed for the last several years. I think @Fiorella’s advice is on point. Good luck! Even if you’re healthy on the outside, if this WOE has made you feel better on the inside it’s worth dealing with clueless, but well intentioned people around you.

(Sheri Knauer) #21

Its pretty sad how no one cares when you shove junk, crappy carbage, and sugar in your mouth and they may see you struggling with a weight issue or other health issue, but the second you stop doing that, then suddenly everyone cares and is critical about what you are no longer eating, and no one cares that you are having health issues or want to NOT have health issues, just that “Your not eating bread and sugar! What is wrong with you?!”