Anyone else notice the ghost factor as we strive towards better health?
Man, it’s like crickets in my world. The effort is hard enough but you would think support is the answer, not isolation. Granted I get that people don’t like being shown taking control of your life is possible, but it’s a f*cking price to pay to see how superficial people truly are. As a therapist, it is a hard pill to swallow.
Glad you are all here.
Love, light and health in 2020 Keto Fam 
I had an interesting conversation with one of my housemates last night. I was cooking up my lunches for the next few days, 2 1.5lb rib eyes and 3lbs of ground beef plus the always present bacon, and he mentioned how he really envies my diet. Now after a few years of this way of eating I, without thought, corrected him and said “It’s not a diet,it’s just how I eat now based on me doing the work to see how my body reacts.”
His reaction was interesting.
He got red in the face, started sputtering words to the effect of how he was …“to busy…” to cook and how he just couldn’t give up bread and carby things. Fortunately we have a good relationship too and neither of us took offense. This could have turned into a negative conversation as they have before.
It’s my opinion that people who are eating SAD (Standard American Diet) and are bloated, over-weight, sick, fed up with going to the gym 7 days a week for minimal results, starving themselves to fit a societal ideal know inherently that something isn’t right. Their bodies are screaming at them this truth. Yet we’ve been fed (no pun intended) this dogma about our diet than eating a low-carb, high fat food intake is so bad for you that they instantly reject that this is a possible way to get healthy.
The collision of these two things makes them uncomfortable in various ways and what do people do when they are uncomfortable, avoid things. Unfortunately for us that have found a way of eating that our bodies do feel good about, we sometimes feel like we have been left out in the cold. I have not been invited to dinner parties because people “…are afraid that you won’t have anything to eat…”.
So what can we do about it?
In my own personal journey and experience, I’ve taken to being compassionate towards most of these folks. I don’t shove this way of eating down their throat. I’ve been doing this off an on for 6 years (seriously on for 3 now) and I left my life speak for itself. I’ve divorced other peoples reactions from being a value judgement of myself. It took work for me to let go of the shame I felt about eating this way based on all the diatribe from the “Health Experts” I was programmed with as I grew up.
Now, when I am faced with someone who is agitated because of my lifestyle choice, I have to weigh if they bring other things to my life that are valuable. If so, I’ll have a conversation with them and ask if we can find a way to set aside the issue of the way of eating I want them in my life.
I’ve found that the ones that aren’t willing to have that simple conversation, well lets just say the people whom I would be better off without weed themselves out this way.
In the end, it is frustrating, but I have to remember they are “sick” too and just aren’t ready to do their own work yet.
Funny but I want to be friendless in my quest for my health. I like it!
I can’t stand the stupidity of those I chat with about why I do what I do 
For me I like the isolation. That is thru the years of trying to convey what I learned thru my personal journey and my want of helping others, but it falls on deaf ears and sometimes true battle, so at this point thru my life I want nothing to do with others and how they eat or want change. I didn’t get my change from others telling me, I went out and found it. I then learned from those doing and it took a lot of years to narrow down what it took for me.
I think at this point I am shell shocked against dieting/nutrition talk point blank.
Maybe it is cause I do for me all the time and don’t ever want to listen to the rest of the useless info out there that means nothing to me but is forced on me? I noticed as I get older that people’s opinions just radically suck rocks! LOL I don’t want the way different approaches are handled by others now…but that I also walked thru and understand that journey wholehearted…but I want no part of reliving it again I guess for myself.
Crickets are fine with me at this point
I feel like friendlessness occurs as we grow up anyway. The chances I’ll have a bunch in common with another human being after years of diverging paths is small. It’s easier to discuss specific interests with people who also want to in the same space in time. Over the years my feelings have been hurt and I found myself struggling to maintain dead or dying friendships. I’m okay with it now, we all evolve and change.
No matter what your friend status, I hope you’re happy in life, though.
Compassion is where I live, especially given what I do for work. Guess I need to also have some towards myself too when it comes to gratitude that I have been able to alleviate myself of that endless and impossible bind of SAD eating and workout grind. I am not in anyone’s face about what I am doing - never mention it unless they ask. We all have our issues to bear. Thank you for the reminder…
I had been wondering about that too. As we get older, a lot of bullsh*t is so much less tolerable, from my limited point of view. Amazing how lapse of time makes you vaclue things differently! I cannot cmoplain - I have a supportive partner (more than many!) and fur babies that love me no matter what I do. All in all, that is a win. Thanks for the reminder 
Ok not sure if that’s really relevant here but I’ll give it a go.
I was invited to a friend’s house for the new year who kept trying to make “special food” (read: green beans :P) for me because of my “allergies”. I have known her for a while now and she still doesn’t really get my way of eating - or that I’m not actually “allergic” to carbs, but that’s her way of making sense of it and I actually thought that her trying to really fit me in her celebration meal was super lovely, even if she still doesn’t get the point. Now to be fair I’ve never met someone who is so clueless about nutrition in general (“don’t eat the potato or you’ll end up in the hospital, but here, take a glass of champagne!”), but I think that she tries hard, to the best of her abilities, and her support is love enough for me, even if it’s completely besides the point.
Now to be fair I’m more low-carb than keto, and I’m very much a “go-with-the-flow” type of person. So for instance, this afternoon, the place where I often volunteer to had brought in a lot of kids who baked cakes (with flour! and sugar! and sweet cacao powder and apples!) and I decided to eat some because the children were so excited about what they made that I didn’t want to disappoint them (also, they did great for a first try!). I don’t think cutting myself out of these warming community moments because of my diet would make sense to me. Now granted, they happen rarely - I usually only help with the cooking events once or twice a month tops, and the rest of the time I very rarely eat more than 30g of carbs/day. But when they do happen, I will partake, and I don’t think it’s worth feeling bad or guilty over them, especially if you had a good time. That is true for those events, just like that was true for my friend who was super proud of her champagne cocktail. Sometimes you need to explain to people why you can’t eat with them, sure, but sometimes I think you should let your habits down for a brief moment in order to share the love and warmth of your community.
And honestly, I don’t think the diet could be a real issue with a friend unless there was a lot more to it (someone being judgemental / jealous of your progress / wanting to sabotage you or insert any valid reason here). But then, they probably weren’t that much of good friends to begin with, and I don’t believe in keeping toxic people around. Isn’t there a saying about throwing out what doesn’t bring you joy? 
Sorry I rambled a bit (and here’s why I’m usually a lurker instead ^_^)
Thanks on this. Very timely and a great option or choice.
For me, I was recently chastised/very condescending as well for my WOE and physical appearance
Happened over the phone w a family friend
I listened politely, grinding my teeth
I rarely get angry about thus stuff. This time it hit me hard!
So, I was waiting to meet up or talk and if the conversation came up again, I would just share all my NSV. Yes, I still may do so😄
The choices we have
Do I want this person still in my life?
Do I get somewhat cordially smug ?
You do YOU, I DO me?
Or like you said @Marknel just let them know. “Hey, let’s keep this to the side. I still want you in my life as a friend”
If not weed them out with a homemade concoction and not the Roundup ( weed killer /and cancer lawsuit )
Just sayin😉
“Ramble” away - it is always interesting to learn from others here. So thank you I too cycle in and out of low carb and stricter keto. Flexibility is key for me because otherwise the stress and cortisol spikes undo my hard earned even more IMHO.
I look at diet in about the same way as I do religion and politics. It’s really not a great topic to talk about unless asked. I’ve been married long enough to know that you don’t tell your spouse how to eat and I would assume it would not be good to tell anyone else unless they ask for advice.
No matter how much they need to change unless they are ready to take that step they won’t. Let the weight loss and health change they see in you make them want to change.
This! For years. Then I decided that if I wasn’t sufficiently valued for them to make any effort, I was wasting my time and emotional effort. I let go of these ‘friendships’. A very few held on; most drifted away. Now I’m having to relearn how to make friendships. I seems I’ve forgotten how…
Yeah it’s weirder as we age. Sometimes I’m like, are we friends or acquaintances or colleagues or what? Now I just decided everyone is a friend if I feel friendly toward them and they toward me. Labels don’t matter as much anymore.
I never talk about the way I eat unless someone asks "what have you done. " My reply is I cut out bread, pasta, and pastries. They usually lose interest, but if they don’t, and ask some more questions, then I will get into more details with them.
I mostly get my socializing with the regulars at my fitness classes these days. My sisters live over an hr. away and work crazy hours and I am retired, so I don’t see them too much. Chatting with others that are interested in their health I have started to make some friends. I do agree with PetaMarie, they are friends if I feel friendly towards them and they to me.
I do have a couple of ladies who I consider “best friends” but one is half way across the country the other, lives in New Zealand, so we socialize via our computers, because of differences in our time zones.
Since I no longer work I don’t have colleagues. I do still text with a couple of people I worked with, but not on any regular basis.
When you’re a lone wolf Keto or Carnivore eater social life can become difficult. Dating and establishing new friendships is hard if they see you as odd, and continuing ones with family and old friends can be tenuous or stressed for many reasons. I don’t talk about food with people much anymore, unless they bring it up.
I texted my sister last August I think to say hi. She told me she had been diagnosed as a diabetic (she’s an x nurse) and she had to get on KETO because she knew it helped me. She’s a total carb and candy junky. I told her I would do anything to help her get started, sent her about four video links and told her I was available anytime she needed me. She said she needed to check with one of her specialists for clearance before starting. I said okay, but you can start right now without permission by stopping the candy. Just move towards no sugar. If you do that the next steps will be easier if you stop that first. No doctor would discourage that. I didn’t hear from her for a while and last October I texted her to check in, no response. I think she’s avoiding me because she’s done nothing and doesn’t want me asking about her condition. It really makes me sad. I have a couple friends who did something similar, telling me they needed to do KETO but disappearing I presume because they’re embarrassed about doing nothing when they need to drop 100 lbs. I never pressure anyone to try KETO, but seeing my success makes some feel guilty about their own failing to try I think. When you take your own life in your own hands and make a success of the venture it’s embarrassing to others who realize they are too apathetic to deal with their issues, so in the sand their head goes. 
That is so hard when it is family. I hope that finds a way to mend
If people take off because you eat good, better off without them. My friends list is near non existent these days but in a former life I was a scumbag and my friends were no better. So technically I’m better off now. We wind up with friends who share interests.
But my eating is my business… I never understood why it has such a big impact on someone’s social life. Well I am almost a hermit, no friends except my SO but I do know some people and visit relatives. Hospitality is important in this country but proper relationships aren’t about food… Yeah, there are so many judgemental people, many people is a self-proclaimed dietitian (or parrots what their not very open-minded or knowledgeable dietetian said) but my relatives are nice and even if they can’t quite get my woe after several years, they don’t try to persuade me of anything, some even tries to cook food for me (it’s adorable. even my SO didn’t try that by his own will but he knew my weird rules and saw it’s impossible unless I relax my ways a little or use ridiculous amounts).
I was pretty flexible this far and I keep at that but only to the extent I am comfortable with. They should understand I don’t want to eat myself sick (I am not extremely sensitive if it’s a single occasion per month but I have my limits. Vegetable soup is fine, some sugary stuff may actually make me rather unwell). Actually, eating carnivore is typically easy at my relatives, it was way more tricky to eat vegetarian food there (even normal one but I actually had several restrictions and I wasn’t willing to relax some of them). Carnivore is ridiculously easy, really.
So, I was always lucky with my family. The members respect me enough to trust me with my own woe (not all when I was a vegetarian though but I liked that and never had any regrets). Not like it would be smart from my very obese relative with diabetes and other health problems to criticize my woe but we probably all know people who don’t see such things very well.
And my SO is just perfect, never says a bad word and almost always eat my food. It’s not a must but the anti-support some people experience is just sad. What I have is mostly how things are supposed to be, peaceful home life, no sabotage, respect and love.
This is all so sad. I have tears for you all.
I’m in a better place with a few close friends and neighbors and relatives. I’m not sure why I’m not experiencing what many others experience.
The only thing is that I was near death at 48 yo with 4 way by-pass and then a stent an now at 66 yo I’m fitter than I have nearly ever been and I look so much better. At 48 I looked near death.
I do have some resistant friends and relatives that want to change but are not willing to lean in hard and also to do the research. But they tolerate my WOE/WOL.
I don’t talk about my WOE but my wife seems to think she has to explain it to others and exclaim about my progress. I just smile and nod.
I’m hopeful that for many of you 2020 will be a year of progress in better acceptance.