Finally had to say it

(Michelle) #1

My dear friend and I have been eating dinner together every Sunday for about 5 years now. She and I always shared a love for very carby things like twice baked potato, sugary after dinner drinks and of course, every single dessert on the planet, or sometimes 2 or 3 desserts after a meal.

Since going Keto in January, she is a bit miffed her friend doesn’t share those things with her anymore. I can understand where she’s coming from. But, what she’ll do is is say things like “Oh, you can’t have this delicious toast anymore” or “you can’t have these delicious potatoes anymore”.

Well, I kind of got fed up last night and said “It’s not that I ‘can’t have’ these things anymore, it’s that I DON’T WANT THEM ANYMORE!!!” Tried to make her understand that what I’m doing is a conscious health decision and I don’t miss that carby crap anymore. It’s that I truly don’t want to eat that stuff.

Maybe it will sink in now, and she won’t keep trying to think I’m in some deprivation mode anymore. None of that appeals to me anymore and I finally had to put it in a way that hopefully she’ll understand.

#2

I’ve divorced “friends” over keto. True friends celebrate your progress and success, and not act out their passive aggressive remarks to cut you down. It’s another form of autophagy for me…getting rid of the cancerous parts of my life.

(Carol E. ) #3

Truth! :+1:t3:

(John) #4

No friends, just people who tolerate me and I them, it makes it easy. Now if I could get my obese mother to shut up about how I am too skinny, don’t have enough vegetables, need more vitamins and on and on and on…

That brings up a good point though, diets are usually restrictive, you have to use willpower to keep from eating things you want. For the most part I don’t want anything I can’t have. Any time I think ill of keto I think of a salad with fat free ranch dressing and that does it.

(G. Andrew Duthie) #5

As I read this thread, I was struck by the parallel to when someone stops drinking or goes into treatment for addiction. If they stick with the people that they hung out with (and drank with or used with), they are at increased risk for relapse, and often end up at odds with those folks. Also true of those who’ve quit smoking.

Makes you wonder if the FMRI (functional magnetic resonance imaging) research that suggests that sugar stimulates some of the same brain areas as cocaine and other drugs has merit. And if that’s the case, perhaps our sugar-burning friends are more in need of our sympathy than our ire.

At the end of the day, I think @MKChitown’s approach is a good one. Maybe her friend will start to get it, and maybe even think about what she’s putting in her mouth. But if the comments continue, it may be time to move on.

(Newimprovedme ) #6

Part of what may be going on with your friend could be that when she sees you not eating those foods and losing weight she can’t enjoy them as much because of the guilt she feels…so she tries to assuage her feelings of guilt by her passive aggressiveness torwards you.

#7

It’s hard for people in the throes of addiction to understand that the cravings go away and the hard part does not last very long. It was a big revelation for me when I quit alcohol that the cravings truly did go away. The mental component of redefining myself as a nondrinker took time but at least I wasn’t dealing with cravings by then. Same thing with ketogenic I’m finding…the longer I’m in ketosis the easier and I can tell I’m really internalizing a new identity as someone who no longer eats carbage yet still really enjoys life.

(Keto in Katy) #8

@Fiorella is throwing it down, damn

#9

I learn new words on this forum almost every day!! Thanks for today’s word!!!

#10

This! Also, I don’t obsess about food, yet at the same time I enjoy my food 1,000 times more than ever before.

#11

This is something I encounter regularly when eating with people outside of my family and when eating out. I am strictly gluten free because gluten exposure results in MS neurological symptoms for me within an hour. Theres nothing like losing feeling in your legs or across half of your head to inspire a strong comittment to avoiding certain foods. I transitioned to keto for the further health benefits I enjoy. Even with this very good reason for avoiding certain foods, many dining companions still feel the need to focus on what I am NOT eating as if in some way it affects them negatively. While dining at my husbands golf club, I have been referred to by restaurant staff as a “glutard”, as its certainly a troublesome request to ask for a steak and a salad right? My MIL will not stop buying GF cakes & other crap and cannot understand why I won’t eat it, since its GF afterall. (It could have something to do with the other 30 ingredients it does contain which I cant pronounce!) Thank goodness I enjoy cooking at home, because eating out is certainly not the pleasure it used to be. I don’t bother people about the crap they eat, so I’ll never understand the interest in what I am NOT eating!

(Dustin Cade) #12

I just end up in long conversations about keto, people are curious… not really had anyone be nasty, though one friend did like 30 seconds of research on keto and has confirmed it’s all fake… I was shocked to find out it was all fake… :thinking::thinking::thinking::wink::wink::wink::stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes::stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes::stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

(eat more) #13

oooh…are we all in the matrix?!

#14

:astonished: that is terrible! Nice customer service…:unamused:

(David) #15

I would be really interested to hear how keto eating had influenced your MS. I have a cousin with progressive MS who follows a largely SAD diet with heavy meds. I don’t like making suggestions where proper medical conditions are concerned, but had thought about pointing her in the direction of Terry Wahls. What do you think?

(Michelle) #16

ha ha ha !! I love internet research. I also love my new fake way of eating! :bacon:

(jketoscribe) #17

Your response was great! I think we all would do well to respond like that when people express that keto is a restrictive diet. It’s truly not once you have adjusted.

OTOH , I try to have some sympathy for friends like this because 1) I was often that person on the receiving end when my friends adopted things like militant no fat veganism (remember I live in McDougall’s home town), 2) I recognize how I often felt that they were judging me and perceiving themselves to be “holier than thou”. Not a comfortable place to be in.

OTOH, I’ve decided I’m done listening to the litany of health complaints from my friends of similar age who eat mostly crap. Which means I am one of those holier than thous I always disliked.

Shrug.

(Michelle) #18

I hear you @janknitz!! I can put the shoe on the other foot and see where she’s coming from. But, I need to gently let her know that I’m not going back to eating carbs and sugar, and that does need to sink in. She feels like she’s lost her partner-in-crime, and I can understand she feels a bit dejected.

She is one that is not into health/wellness at all. She’s obese and her boyfriend is obese, and they eat a ton of processed carbage. It’s definitely going to affect their health soon (already has in a lot of ways). I just wonder that when her health does decline, if she will look to medicine, or look at her diet.

Time will tell. In the meantime, I don’t try and force this WOE on her, but I don’t want her to force (or pressure me) into going back to SAD. She’s always asking me “when are you going to stop this crazy diet” and I say from my holier than thou place “there’s no reason to stop it!! I love it!”

(eat more) #19

you’re prob her “skinny friend” that does crazy stuff that she “can’t” and is “better” than her (her thinking NOT yours) and she wants to convert you…to feel better :disappointed:

#20

@chance I had already been paleo/primal for several years before being diagnosed 4 years ago, so the move to LCHF then Keto were just a natural progression for me along a road to healthier eating - as I learned more, I changed more, and I experienced less issues. I was the subject of my own N=1 experiment. My symptoms date back at least ten years, and they were what got me started reading so much about health, diet and all the connections. I have never taken the meds they offered as I don’t believe the answer to any autoimmune diseases is to suppress the immune system. Terry Wahls is an excellant example of what can be done using a non-pharmaceutical approach, and I was fortunate to discover her just as I was diagnosed. Its hard to advise others, as making treatment decisions are profoundly personal, but definately knowing about all the options out there at least gives people hope and food for thought, should they at any point decide to make a change. I would definately encourage you to talk to her about Terry Wahls. All the best to your cousin on her personal health journey.