Co-worker scheduled for bariatric surgery

#1

Happy Labor Day all! I have a quandary. I have a co-worker who is very obese and has rheumatoid arthritis to boot, for which she takes medication. She is scheduled for bariatric surgery in December, and her doctor told her she has to lose some of her weight beforehand. He doesn’t care which type of diet she chooses as long as she loses some weight. She chose to go on the “Atkins” diet. I’m not certain but I think she’s been watching me eat all kinds of fatty meats and losing inches and that’s why she is going the “Atkins” route. But she’s been having cravings for sweets. The other night she gave in and had toast with jam because she had no ice cream in the house.

I want to encourage her and show her my support but I don’t want to butt in our overwhelm her with my “help”. She’s so frustrated with her weight. She’s been on so many diets and her weight keeps going up. My issue with weight is miniscule compared to hers (I’m only 7-8 lbs from my goal) and I have no health concerns. What can I say or do to encourage her? I don’t want to come across as the “skinny bitch” giving unwanted diet advice.

#2

“I’m really proud of your decision to improve your life. What can I do to help? Whatever you need, I’m here for you.”

Then, follow her lead/response depending on what she says.

(Mike Glasbrener) #3

How about I heard you’re on a diet and I listened to a podcast series put together by two guys who were overweight and diabetic. The describe how they lost weight and fixed their diabetes through diet. They really helped me lose a ton of weight. Now I eat that way and love it. The podcast is called 2 keto dudes. It opens the door w/o you needing to preach. Alternatively, you could have it on and when she asks what your listening to she’s the one who opened the door…

#4

These are good suggestions. I admit I’m hoping she’ll discover that keto works and she’ll cancel the surgery. I feel bad for thinking that way because it’s not my body and none of my business. But it makes me sad that she’s followed all the bad advice out there on how to “eat healthy” and it hasn’t worked.

(Karen Parrott) #5

Food addiction is a beast. Offer to drive her to meetings if she requests.

(Mike Glasbrener) #6

Everyone is different. Some do well with it others, not so much. It really depends if they use it to help them modify their diet. That said, the surgery has a ton of risks and comes with a modified diet plan the rest of their lives. Otherwise it’s quite dangerous. My brother in law had a gastric sleeve operation very much “under the radar”. I saw him about 6 months afterward and he lost a bunch of weight but looked like hell, had no energy and still had less than stellar dietary habits (pizza! WTF?). Good luck with trying to influence her. It’s a tough line to walk because weight and body image are such touch stone subjects.

#7

I was thinking of recommending Dr Fung’s “Obesity Code”. Do you think I would offend her if I did?

(Mike Glasbrener) #8

Brian gave great advice. You can only help someone if they want your help.

Unfortunately she’s put a timer on a unreversable life changing operation. It’s giving you a sense of urgency. You know your relationship with her better than anyone here. I have a friend at work who’s heavy and will not change. It’s his body, his life. I can choose to accept him the way he is or preach and lose him as a friend. I’ve read both of Jason’s books. They’re both great reads loaded with information. Taube’s books are very good toward helping one understand how diet affects metabolism, health and fat retention. Only you will know what she will find offensive and what she will find helpful. Depending on your relationship with her it either easy or a fine line to walk. If you have a great and open relation with her Fung’s book is an awesome recommendation. Otherwise it’s rolling the dice as to whether she’ll find the word “obesity” offensive.

Many people who are obese are embarrassed by it because “they eat too much and don’t exercise enough”. They’re “fat and lazy”. Helping them realize that it’s not their fault. They’ve been given bad dietary advice leading down a bad path is a good first step.

Good luck. I wish you and your friend all the best!

(Brian) #9

If she’s already interested or even trying at least parts of the Atkins diet, nudging her towards a keto diet isn’t a big stretch.

It would be wonderful if she could lose enough weight to have the thought that maybe instead of surgery, maybe just keep on losing the weight on her own.

Good luck!

#10

Thank you everyone for your responses. If she brings up Atkins again, I will find a tactful way of guiding the conversation toward keto and how it can reverse the damage caused by SAD. If she seems open to it, great. If not, I will leave it alone until wshe brings it up again.

(You've tried everything else; why not try bacon?) #11

There is a saying among alcoholics who are trying to help another alcoholic: “If the person is ready, you can’t say the wrong thing. If the person is not ready, you can’t say the right thing.” In either case, all you can do is to offer your experience, strength, and hope. Whether the other person responds or not has nothing to do with you.

(Linda Culbreth) #12

PaulL - true words. True - we can’t be responsible for others choose.

(Melissa) #13

I had weightloss surgery back in January (I had the sleeve done…not a bypass). I have chosen to follow a Keto WOE right after and am at 103lbs down. The surgery is a tool that works in conjunction with the Keto.
Ultimately, if someone has no dealt with their eating “issues” or “addictions” then the tools and WOE may eventually be unsuccessful.
I don’t think I could have lost this amount of needed weight just on Keto alone. The surgery does often help adjust the hunger hormone and making you feel full.
Many places/insurance companies require the patients to loose weight before surgery…really it is to test whether a patient is committed to this life altering process…ready to make change. (I didn’t have to do this as I had surgery in Mexico).
The best you can do is be interested, available and willing to help if your friend wants. Sometimes it’s helpful to have a friend to motivate (thank goodness for my gym buddy!).
All the best!

(Linda Culbreth) #14

Melissa, good point. KETO is a tool. The surgery is a tool. Fasting is a tool. And, we are only responsible for our own choices and which tools we choose to use or not use. Not someone else’s.

(Karen Parrott) #15

I often find that by not approaching the person, that it makes me approachable later.

Then what I have to say is by request and the person is in the contemplation stage. Ready to act upon it if they desire.

Great points @Mglasbrener

(Linda Culbreth) #16

Melissa - I forgot to say how awesome your weight loss is! I am sure you feel better and am able to enjoy life more. Good job, Girl!!!

(Brian) #17

Just being a visible example of someone they’ve seen drop weight is certainly something they’ll notice. Whether they ask a lot of questions or not, I’m pretty sure they want to know how you’ve done it.

People get callused to all of the hype around them. They’re constantly bombarded with fake news, advertisements promising most anything you can imagine (often with a little pill attached), and stories of an uncle’s brother’s ex wife’s step son’s real daddy’s auntie’s boyfriend who managed to eat twice baked rice only for 60 years and lived to be 150 years old. It gets ridiculous after while and when a person hears actual truth, it’s kinda hard to know whether it’s real or whether it’s just another tall tale. A real life example, right in front of their eyes is about as powerful as it gets.

Just the thought that comes to mind…

#18

Before I signed up to get cut open I’d do a lot of research about possible diets to avoid that outcome. It wouldn’t take long to come across keto as it seems to be all over the place lately. From there I would give keto a good solid effort and realize after only a few weeks/months that surgery might not be necessary. In a perfect world that is.

The thing is, you have to love life more than you love ice cream. Food addiction is no joke but it’s a cycle that can be broken as many have illustrated. And once you realize it has a lot more to do with hormones than self-control you are on the path to recovery. I think the Obesity Code is a great recommendation, if nothing else it can illustrate how absurd CICO truly is. It can also show her that there are much bigger things at play than just self-control and low willpower.

The issue I see is this: If she is morbidly obese and you are still thinking “diet” as opposed to “lifestyle change” she still doesn’t get it. “Diet” much like bariatric surgery screams easy fix. Until that paradigm shift happens there isn’t a lot that can be done I don’t think.

(You've tried everything else; why not try bacon?) #19

Excellent point, @Rian, but I am a recovering alcoholic, and I can tell you that an addict in the throes of addiction will choose addiction over life itself, since it feels as though the addiction is all that is making life bearable. It often takes some major disruption to make us see that our addiction is the source of our problems, not their cure.

What can cause the necessary disruption (what the Twelve-Step programs call “hitting bottom”) is a mystery. In my case, it felt literally like Divine intervention, first when, years ago, I was finally able to confront my alcoholism, and then back in April, when I was finally able to confront my sugar addiction. I have no idea what made the difference between one moment, when I was in complete denial, and the next, when I was finally able to admit I needed help. Whatever it was, I just try to keep on being grateful for it.

#20

So true.

I have been very frustrated as I have several very close overweight friends who have chosen not to follow my example and I am at a loss as to what to do. In one case she is also considering surgery and needs a knee replacement. While there is an element of addiction with sugar, you can still function and go to work and safely drive a car (as opposed to alcohol) and if anything it is almost encouraged, birthday parties, indulgent dinners with friends where you are the party poopper if you say you cannot do chinese or pizza because keto.

Mel, how much weight have you lost total. Its one thing if you only lost 20 total (not that this is not great) but another if you lost 50 or more and are at the end. She saw you heavier. I think you have plenty of street cred anyway. Also you can explain that you did this for blood sugar or whatever.

Another suggestion, don’t buy her a new obesity code, mark up your copy a little so it looks used and give her your copy. Also the website has plenty of information. The 2Ketos did a surgery episode, very eye opening