Can I date a vegan?

(Jane) #22

Eating together is such a big part of a relationship I cannot imagine how that would work. I only fast when I am on the road working so I can enjoy my meals with my husband when I am home (usually only weekends) and he only fasts when I am gone also.

You can always do a trial living together arrangement without legal entanglements to see how it would work, unless because of kids or leases or combining full households it would be a big commitment.

(Windmill Tilter) #23

I’ll preface this by saying that I’m a former vegan. Although I would happily date a vegan, I would never date a vegan that was bothered by watching me eat a steak, no matter how intelligent, beautiful, kind and wonderful she was. Her inability to watch you eat meat implies much deeper issues.

You’re hiding the way you eat from her. You’re changing your behavior to avoid conflict with her about it. That’s a giant burning red flag. If she can’t happily watch you eat a rare, dripping ribeye and enjoy the conversation, something isn’t wired right for her. She is wearing a giant neon sign that says “I am going to make you suffer”. It won’t be intentional. You’ve had enough pain for one year. Run (in the kindest, most respectful, and loving way you can).

The larger issue here is that you’re changing your behavior for her almost unconsciously despite the fact you know that she will never reciprocate or compromise. Find a therapist you can talk to about that. It means something.

You have a diet. She has a religion.

She is not joking.


Depends on the vegan. One of my closest friends is a vegan and I wish every vegan had her attitude towards other people’s diet. Her partner is not a vegan and it doesn’t matter to either of them in the slightest.

For me, I think long term, it may not be a good idea especially if their vegan diet stems mainly from ethical concerns. What do you do when you have kids. The vegan partner has the right to want their kid raised under their strong beliefs. However, so does the meat-eater. How do you reconcile this?

I think in the long term, when it comes to ethical values, you do want/need your partner to have similar or at least parrallel values.


We are all adults now and we can respect each other’s differences as well as stand up for our own choices.
I’ve learned that as a relationship progresses, the differences matter more and more and if something bothers us, it only bothers us even more.
You’re accommodating her choices by eating vegan, she wouldn’t eat meat for you…like others said, she wasn’t joking.

(Jenna Ericson) #26

I would say you can most definitely date a vegan! My husband was vegan for about a year until he started to feel like it was taking a toll on him physically. I would eat bacon, burgers, cheese etc. around him and we had this kind of you do you and I’ll do me mentality when it came to food. We had a few heated discussions, but I think it is healthy to be able to find ways to gracefully disagree with your significant other over certain things. I think one thing that helped him feel better about his decision to stop being vegan was he realized it is pretty much impossible to be completely vegan. Most vegetables are fertilized with animal products of some sort, whether it be manure or bone or whatever. If you do decide to talk about your diet differences with her I would do it very mindfully. Vegan propaganda (PETA) is very persuasive and I think almost creates a mild form of PTSD for people who watch it. People see videos of all these animals being basically tortured and then every time they eat animal products or see someone eat them they imagine what happened to the animal in the process of preparing it to become food. Discussions with vegans can quickly turn into, “well you are morally bankrupt for even thinking about eating meat”, and so forth, so I would just tread lightly :blush:

(Edith) #27


(Edith) #28

Maybe have her read “The Vegetarian Myth” and have a lively debate about the ethics.

But more seriously, If you did become a serious couple, got married, and had children, would you let her raise the children as vegans?


:face_vomiting: a sickening thought.

(Bob M) #30

That was a good book.

Or maybe listen to one of the many podcasts from actual farmers, who can tell you what happens to animals when you harvest plants. For instance, this one:

(Randy) #31

That’s a tough one. Obviously, you can date a vegan. And I don’t think sharing a vegan meal with her sometimes is too much to ask.

But to go to a different level, she has to understand you accept her choices, and she HAS TO accept yours. And if there’s any chance of kids in the equation, that has to be 100% agreed upon IMO.


A vegan? It might work.
This vegan? Well… She doesn’t seem to accept you if she even jokingly says you should go vegan. half-jokingly, ouch, it easily becomes a big problem later.
If the other person is you? Well, if you really have doubts and not just ask us because it’s an interesting question, you probably don’t love her so much (yet?) that it would have a big chance to survive all the differences. But maybe your relationship gets stronger later. And you don’t even eat animal products in front of her! If you are serious about this relationship and it works out, that will happen all the time, why not to start now? Maybe it will show you if she can accept that even short term. Because with time, big differences tend to cause bigger and bigger problems between people. Sometimes it gets better but often worse.

Many vegans accept their family eats meat, many even cook it! (I never went that far when I was a simple vegetarian but I didn’t have to and I had no problem with others eating meat, at least from good sources.)
Others are quite annoying even for a meal per year let alone living together long-term.
You should know what she is like. Try to eat your normal food in front of her, it’s a good test. If you want smaller steps, eat vegetarian but not plant-based food.

Ethic and others… I think we should have similar opinions to some extent. But… My own ethical and other reasons didn’t really changed. I was a vegetarian for long, I never ate much meat until recently and I do carnivore now. There is no problem at all. I am very choosy where my food comes from. I have some flexibility because I choose the less bad from two. If I had a choice, eating “tortured meat” or a HCLF plant food, I would choose my own well-being, I am this selfish. It wouldn’t be nice but I can’t suffer in a carb-poisoned state, starving even when I overeat, it’s horrible. If it was just 2 weeks, I might just fast but not for much longer…
I got carried away, sorry. Main thing I understand it’s not that simple for everyone. And it’s not just a noble decision, some getting used to and then everyone would feel great. Many vegans seem to think so. But it’s wrong. If someone loves us, they don’t want me SUFFER. And I don’t exaggerate and many of the folks here know that. I am even healthy enough, I handle plants moderately well, I can do vegetarian keto or low-carb if I must for a while, no big problems (I even can handle some plant-based LCHF days) - but it’s still way better without plants, at least most of the time. I need very low-carb, it seems. Many people need the same and the consequences for them are often way more severe if they overdo carbs.
If someone doesn’t understand it, I have a big problem with them.

Me and my SO eat very, very differently, now it’s stronger than ever when he often eats his plant-based carby food (temporal thing! I am the cook and I will figure out what to do as I always did, now it’s enough to handle my own drastic change) and I drink my coffee but will eat my carnivore dinner later. But it’s fine and dandy as we have no ethical differences, the practical ones isn’t too bad, we are both health-conscious and we don’t force dietary changes on the other (not like it’s usually possible between adults) because we think the other eats as healthy as they comfortably can.
If our thinking about things (nutrition, ethics, what is healthy for whom, respect for the other) would be vastly different, it would be a nightmare. Our own diet is our own business to some extent. Some common ground in the two diets helps a lot, though. Many people would find a big hole inside if they couldn’t eat the same food with their family. I love that too and usually do my best to prepare the same dish for both of us, no matter my actual diet but it’s really not the important thing. I am there at lunch, why does it matter if I eat something else or if I just drink water? We are together then. But we are different people and our (ideal) diet often reflects that.

(Doug) #33

I think this is a big thing - just how much would it bother her if you chowed down on a big ribeye or hunk of prime rib, in front of her?


It depends on the person and the vegan meal, actually. Or if one can eat their own meal immediately afterwards or before. Some of us have some specific conditions for a meal and breaking it is a nightmare. That is something a partner should accept too. Or any decent person, actually, if we explain it them and they trust us enough to believe us.


What’s veganism?

(Jane Reed) #37

I think it entirely fair for you to “test” her by doing what is normal for you in her presence, i.e. eat your meaty meals and discuss why carnivory is not just healthy but ethical. Yes, ethical. And also mention, half jokingly, that she should become an omnivore. What do you think might happen when your lifestyle and deeply held beliefs are front and center as they would be in an intimate relationship? It’s not just you who has to figure out if a vegan and a carnivore can live together.

(Jane Srygley) #38

I used to be a vegetarian for ethical reasons. I still consider myself a compassionate carnivore–99% carnivore. I try to source my meat as ethically as possible.

I don’t think the diet should come between you but it is an adjustment both of you will have to make. I used to eat meat only when I ate with my partner, which was weekends due to our work schedules. The rest of the week, I ate tofu. I accommodated him and we sometimes ate vegetarian meals together.

I personally think that it is important to respect each other’s viewpoint. You can respect her for sticking to her values and she can respect you for doing what you believe is best for your health. It may help if you can purchase humanely treated animals. You can always refer her to the StrongSistas youtube channel as they both used to be vegan and source their meat compassionately. None of this is to change her mind or her diet, but maybe just to make it easier for her to accept your carnivorous lifestyle. It’s also perfectly ok for you to share whatever concerns you may have about her health eating a vegan diet.

Ultimately, I think if you both respect each other, it can work. You can eat together and not eat the same foods. I never minded watching someone eat bacon or steak when I was a vegetarian even though people would always ask me if I did and would mock my concern for the animals. So yes, I think it can work and I’m happy for you that you found someone compatible. That’s an incredible blessing :heart:

(Susan) #39

Vegans do not eat any product from any animals or living creatures – no eggs, dairy, etc on top of the obvious no meat, fish, etc.

Many vegetarians will still eat eggs and dairy products (the products from the animals) but not the animals themselves.



(Susan) #41

They do it usually for Ethical reasons; they feel badly about consuming living beings or their products (because of pain it causes the animals in extracting it). It is maybe easier for you just to Google it all yourself; I am not a Vegan but I have friends that are, so they have explained it to me. I respect their WOE and they respect mine; and neither of us lectures the other or judges the other --each person has to follow their own WOE that they are happy and comfortable with =).

(Pete A) #42

You can date a vegan but wouldn’t you prefer someone who gets joy watching you get joy from a big hunk of meat?

This may get older faster than you think…

Good luck!