Can I date a vegan?

#1

I started keto a little more than a year ago. I lost a ton of weight and became IMO a much healtier person. I truly believe the keto lifestyle is the most healthy way for me to live.

About 8 months ago I found out divorce (wife of14years) was imminent. Not long after that I showed interest in someone that I had known passively for a couple of years. We have been seeing each other now for 6 months. It has gotten to the point that we share all of our free time together. I’m not ready to say the L word, but I feel we are very close.

She is vegan for ethical reasons. Because of this we rarely eat together.
When we do, I will typically order a vegan meal, mostly because I know for her it is an ethical issue. Don’t get me wrong, she knows very well that I am a carnivore(and don’t plan to change that), but I just don’t eat that way in front of her. She does mention on occasion that I should go vegan for her in a half joking way.

Other than our dietary conflict we seem to be perfect for each other.

Can this work?

(Alex ) #2

So you’ve been dating for 6 months, don’t eat together, and you don’t love her either?! I’d be weighing up whether she’s friend zone only to be honest!

#3

Thank you for the reply. We are very far from the “friend zone,” but I am just wondering from a philosophical standpoint, can a vegan(for ethical reasons) overlook the fact that I believe eating animals is the most healthy way for me to eat.

I didn’t say that I don’t love her. For various reasons I am not ready to proclaim it, I guess.

(Susan) #4

If you are ever planning on living together; I think that that could become a serious issue, since she is eating that way for ethical reasons.

If she was a Vegan for other reasons; the same issues might not be an issue, but because she is, she probably would not be comfortable with you cooking meat in your dwelling you are sharing. Therefore, I see it being a big problem is you are sharing a home together.

If you discuss it with her, and she is sure that she has no problem with having meat in the fridge you share and with you cooking it all the time in the home you are sharing, then it might be okay. I see this as being an issue for her though, as her reason for being Vegan is ethical, as you say, so I don’t think it will work out is all.

#5

Thank you Mom. I appreciate your opinion.

(Michael - When reality fails to meet expectations, the problem is not reality.) #6

Short answer: no.

Longer answer: no. Remain friends/acquaintances. She’s not joking.

#7

This is an excellent premise for a TV series.

Whatever you do, make sure to document it with a TV crew.

My wife was a vegetarian when we met 26 years ago. Over time she became omnivore and I ate more vegetables. These days (past 2 years) we sit at meal times together and meet at the cheese and eggs. So breakfasts are easy. She is more fruit eating vegetarian now, as she likes that way of eating. We’re both off the bread, pasta, rice, potatoes and industrial seed oils. We discuss animal ethics and the environment.

Love finds its way.

#8

Well… you already know this has little to do with dietary cultures, and little to do with actual philosophy - that’s just a cover. It’s also not about emotional intimacy, as you rarely eat together anyway. :face_with_raised_eyebrow:

Being that recently your 14 year marriage ended, this is about using this person like some people use junk food, or comfort food - to avoid painful things like loss, grief, shame, fear of dying alone, etc. However, if you don’t actually feel your pain, and heal your pain, you delay the wisdom that comes from healed pain. Up to you of course. Many people are junkies when it comes to denying the shadow and engaging in dysfunctional relationships.

Psychologists estimate that recovery from a significant breakup/divorce takes about 3 months for every year spent in the past relationship - in order to process it, re-integrate the self, and be able to show up to actual, sustainable intimacy. So, even if your long marriage was crappy or deceitful for some years, you still have to go through a few years of processing/solitude/therapy to get your head & heart on right before you’re actually ready for a real relationship that serves a higher good rather than simply using a warm body, etc.

So, at least be honest with yourself that you’re indulging in an entertaining rebound entanglement that is likely to generate harm one way or another , because human sexuality isn’t ever really casual - particularly for females in this culture - it has emotional consequences and can even make babies.

It’s easy to misuse intimacy, frequently people do just use each other like a bag of chips.

However, as our ancestors knew and believed - and as I personally do - we’re not just our physical body, we’re also a heart and spirit - and there are relationship/entanglement behaviors that are the equivalent of junk food bingeing and emotional vampirism/stealing.

This is not so much about vegan vs. keto, it’s more about filling your void with what’s easily available for whatever reason. Like Maya Angelou said: when you know better, you do better. Do better.

(Troy) #9

Dr. Phil
I just texted him…hold tight please

(Troy) #10

Tough one @Seadogrun

Answer - see above😄

Good Luck

(Deborah) #11

Perhaps, With Separate Kitchens! : :slightly_smiling_face:

(Paulene ) #12

Maybe this is a question you need to ask her.

(Pete A) #13

If she doesn’t enjoy watching you gobble down a rack of ribs, you may want to reconsider.

(Alex ) #14

@Seadogrun

If you already really like her, and the L word is in full effect mutually I’m sure you can both find a way to make it work.

It’s hard enough finding a soulmate as it is, let alone having to pick and choose based on dietary ethics.

Life is short my friend! Love conquers all :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

#15

only way it will work is if she truly will not impose her ethics and lifestyle choices onto you as, like, ‘being held hostage’ for her future affections…and you have to get over the fact you want and love to eat meat and feel your health style is fine for you and allow her to have hers without imposing your feelings on your menu onto her life. Most vegans for ethical reasons do want to convert everyone. I mean it is an ethical issue in their lives and to try to truly get their feelings across about it to others is going to happen a bit. Can you make sure this isn’t thrown at you more than you care to ever hear? Just personal between the 2 of you on where your line is drawn in the sand about how ya eat.

I would make a ton of meat, invite her over for dinner and have veggie meals for her and go at dinner all in and see what goes down :slight_smile:

I mean this is a toughie. I would talk directly to her. This is absolutely no time for secrets, or holding in feelings, or assuming you know what they might think or how being together would be without chatting with the other person.

Being carnivore, I might eat that vegan up at some point if stranded on a desert island and no food HAHA At least I wouldn’t have to worry about that in reverse :slight_smile: (joke, joke, joke here LOL)

(Lazy, Dirty Keto 😝) #16

This

(squirrel-kissing paper tamer) #17

You can certainly date a vegan but can you live with one, probably not. If you can’t eat in front of her where do you plan to keep your slabs of animal, or cook them? I have a feeling she doesn’t want to walk into a bacon fried smokehouse after work if she doesn’t even want to view the aftermath on your plate.

I think what you’re calling philosophy are strongly held beliefs. Could a woman who wants 5 kids stay with a man who refuses to have children? It’s almost worst than two opposing religions living under one roof because you don’t have to eat your theology in front of the other person three times a day.

(Robert C) #18

Totally agree - so far, you’ve been eating vegan meals for her but, you didn’t write about the Ribeye’s she had for you. After 14 years of marriage you are in a rebound situation. Tie yourself down with the first new woman that actually has real problems with the way you eat (i.e. not an ideal situation) and try to justify it - well, you are in for a rough ride.

Try probing some other sides of the situation - tell her you’ll be cash poor for a while (or forever) given alimony - no “fun times” on the horizon in terms of travel, upgraded housing etc. Think of her side “I have to deal with this meat eater - and not much fun going forward”. This might change things quickly but it is much better than death by nagging “why can’t you go vegan, why do you give your wife so much money” etc.

(Bob M) #19

As someone who is carnivore-ish, I think this would be difficult to do. I basically eat meat, though do eat some plants. Not many, though.

#20

Ur health is paramount, she (or you in reverse) isnt allowed to dictate what u can cook or eat, any time worthy women will let u cook and eat what ever u like.