Binge trigger....anyone else?


(Trudy) #1

Just looking for a coping strategy and I know my response is not “normal”. I’ve lost 50 or so kg on Keto, not something you can disguise. I saw someone I hadn’t seen for a while yesterday and so began “you’ve lost so much weight…you’re too thin…I wouldn’t have recognised you”. I came home and overate, way beyond satiety to physical discomfort. All Keto, that’s not the point. I can pinpoint that these type of comments are a trigger but am at a loss how to psychological manage this. Open to suggestions.


(Failed) #2

I am so very sorry this happened to you. I know it’s difficult when people feel free to make comments on your appearance, your lifestyle, and the type of dog you like, etc.

To get yourself past this incident, one of the questions to ask yourself is “Why do I care what some random person I happen to know says to me?”

Listen to your answer and hopefully that will help you figure it all out.

And by the way, anyone who tells you you don’t look good needs a hard kick in the ass. I’m doing it to her virtually on your behalf.:heart:

Sorry for the vulgar language, I can’t figure out how to gray it out.


(Parker the crazy crone lady) #3

Could be jealousy, could be wanting to feel like a know it all, could be sincere (but who cares?).

Do you like how you feel? Then you’re are light years beyond most negative Nellie’s you run across.

I believe the only way to handle this type of trigger is to be confident in yourself. You’ve done what many can not, and you deserve to be proud of yourself and not allow others to propel your behavior.


(April Harkness) #4

I have gotten that blowback too. “you lost too much weight” I then go to the gym and lift heavy. My own retort is, "And how much can you lift over your head?"Just like @coffeekittie said about being confident in yourself… I find certain things I am good at when someone downs me and focus on that. The one thing I am very confident about is lifting. I can’t tell you how many times someone says, “You have no more butt April”. Maybe it’s smaller but it’s more functional now. but it STILL gets to me. It works and does what it has to do to help me be strong. SO I go to the gym and use their mean spirited comment and put it to work in my favor.


(Bacon is a many-splendoured thing) #5

Prayer and meditation are where I’d start, myself, though I don’t know if that works for you. You can also try to find a positive way of re-phrasing the negative thoughts. So not, “I’m too thin,” but “Look at all this weight I’ve lost,” that sort of thing.

I suspect also that the false concern about you was actually hostility motivated by envy. Which means that person needs prayers even more than you do. As a wise man once told me, “pray for the SOB to go heaven—and it’s okay to ask for it to happen right away”! :grin:


(Not a cow) #6

That was rude of them, and maybe you knew they were like that already, which is why you hadn’t seen them for a while. I’d suggest not seeing them for a while, or ever. :wink:

Some people are just totally insensitive to anyone’s feelings but their own. It’s getting worse too, you know, at least that’s how I feel. Nothing you can do about those people, unless you are seeing them all the time, and then it’s worth having a chat with them. What you did is okay in my book, always better to binge on keto foods like you did, no harm done with that binge, good on you, I would’ve downed a lot worse. I think you did well !


(Full Metal KETO AF) #7

Strange how people are thinking “you’re too fat” but keeping their mouths shut but when you loose weight people freely will tell you that you’re too thin. Don’t let it get to you. My mom said something like that to me, that I was too thin. I told her I was still fat and needed more muscle, and that I had not lost too much weight. By the way, great job on the loss.

Remember that you’re doing it for you primarily and not people you haven’t seen during your progress. :cowboy_hat_face:


(Susan) #8

Nice! That is about 110 pounds, that is awesome, Major Congrats!!

I agree with all of comments above, and we all think you are doing great, as we are all working towards our Keto goals too. Just ignore the haters, and continue doing what you know is a healthy Keto lifestyle. Please try not to let these mean-spirited people get to you. I agree also with not associating with that person. You certainly do not need people like that in your life. Keto on and you are doing great!!


(Marianne) #9

People can be a trip, truly. I just have to shake my head.

Although keto has been very easy for me, there have been several times when I have had a stressful or emotional day/experience, and I just come home and will eat several pieces of bacon, some pepperoni, cheese, etc. Like a HF/LC binge. Luckily, because it’s so rich, I can’t eat that much of it and it doesn’t do any damage to my plan. I do find it curious, though, how in some of these times, I just need to self medicate with food. I do like to examine what’s going on with me, but then I just have to say it happened, put it behind me, and move on.


(Dirty Lazy Keto'er, Sucralose freak ;)) #10

Sometimes for better, sometimes for worse, but I’ve never paid very much attention to people around me. My mind is often out in left field somewhere, and I end up doing most things my own different way. All of my biggest accomplishments in life, have happened this way. But getting there in such unorthodoxed ways, usually just leaves people scratching there heads :slight_smile: lol


#11

Why do people feel they can comment on someone else’s appearance, especially someone you’re not that close with. I bet anything that person would not have said “Hello, nice to see you, but that blue sweater you are wearing totally washes you out and those shoes don’t match.” No. They wouldn’t. Because it is rude. Commenting on weight loss is the same. Sheesh.

As for managing the feeling you get when this happens, well, the beauty of being 40+ is I really don’t give a damn any longer what anyone thinks. :joy: Those people have to own whatever comments they make. Those comments have nothing to do with me and everything to do with them – insecurity, personal scrutiny, or just general lack of tact. But, give yourself an outlet for after it happens. Say, ok, if this happens again, I am going to channel that anger/annoyance into 30 squats or a quick run. I always find if I have a physical answer locked and ready to go, it helps. I’m not sure if that makes sense.

In the moment with the person, just reply “I’ve worked hard and fell great” and change the subject. If they keep on, the Irish sass in me would probably retort “Sounds like you’ve been struggling with your own fitness issues. Do you want to talk about it?” See what happens then. :rofl: Bet they stop talking about it.

As the quote goes: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”


(Rebecca 🌸 Frankenfluffy) #12

Wise words! Thank you for the reminder!
:+1:


(Trudy) #13

I’m over 40 but have always been a “people pleaser”, drummed into me in childhood.

I’m feeling more settled today, thank you :grinning:


(Trudy) #14

Thank you all for your support, have had an average weekend so far.

Feeling better and much more positive today. The comments were made at the end of a busy week and I was tired and vulnerable.

I’m so pleased I have this forum to share my crazy with :rofl:


(Kirk Wolak) #15

Here is the great lesson.

In between the trigger and the response, YOU have a choice.

When people tell me I am too thin, I lift up my shirt and show them the fat I still have to lose. I am at my goal, so now I tell them I am working on adding muscle and will offset that with losing fat still…

The other way you can do it, is to anchor it to your HEALTH.
Yeah, I’ve lost a lot of weight, and I am SO MUCH HEALTHIER now…
I listen to my body now, and I NEVER want to go back to the way I was…

And if you want to draw a boundary, put it on them:

Would it be okay with you if I maintained this weight, even though it might be a little light, because I DO NOT WANT to get COMFORTABLE… Because SEEKING comfort is what got me in trouble the before. So, I guess I am asking for either your permission or your support?

NOTICE how you gave them their 2 choices. Give you permission to maintain your weight, OR SUPPORT YOU in your health goals… LOL (heads you win, tails they lose).

BTW, it’s those kinds of false choices that trigger us internally anyways. You might as well learn how to take advantage of it for your own good!

Good Luck!


(Allie) #16

Translates to “wow, you’re looking fabulous and I’m jealous because I wouldn’t be able to do what you’ve done, so let me just say this to make myself feel better…”

Comments like that give you an insight to the mind of the person saying them, they’re no reflection on you or your life. Let them wash over you and hold on to your truth.


('Jackie P') #17

“You can never be too rich or too thin”, Wallis Simpson!
Actually, unless it was unpleasantly said, I would take it as a compliment. I’m sure I have said similar things, like, “wow look at you, wasting away!” , " you’re disappearing fast "!.
I would never want such a comment to be taken badly. I would love someone to tell me I look too thin!
Seriously though, it upset you, so it must have been said with a little malice, or insensitivity. It doesn’t sound like you will see them any time soon!


(Bacon is a many-splendoured thing) #18

This is my experience, too. I generally follow Dr. Robert Cywes’ advice and keep a cup of coffee to hand, at least when I’m home, and that helps with the urge to eat for emotional reasons. As you say, though, eating a bit extra, if it’s low-carbohydrate, doesn’t seem to do any harm; I just feel warm and sweat a bit extra.


(Jane- Old Inky Crone) #19

When my grandkids were little I lost 60+ pounds and got down to my ideal weight. My daughter (who is very obese) made those comments every time she saw me, to the point that she had all the grandkids saying “you’re too skinny, you’ve lost too much weight, you need to eat something” etc… it was very difficult. I eventually caved and gained back almost half the weight. Honestly, I had lost it by starving myself. Now I’m between 6-10 lbs heavier than I was then, not in a big hurry to lose the rest, and hoping she doesn’t start those comments again when I get to where I want to be. I honestly believe that I’m much healthier at a lower weight, that helps me to resist internalizing those comments, but they still irk me. Whenever anybody says something like that to you, just come here and get some of the great encouragement that is so freely given on this forum! We have to stick together to support each other, and these people are the BEST at that! KCKO


(Jane- Old Inky Crone) #20

:rofl::joy::rofl::joy::rofl: