Another story

(rob) #1

Hello to everyone,

I never been the type of person to care much about my diet or health.
I am 27 years old, 135kg (300lbs), 1m79 (5f.9i)…
Life has been very rough for me, and this is not an excuse to take off the responsibility i have toward myself and the people around me. I have been confined to be home for the past 5 years and had low physical activity, due to a deep depression which basically costed me my mental health and physical health…

2 months ago, I decided to regain a taste for life, and it would start by going into a ketogenic diet. I started strong and went on for about two weeks, keeping my carbs down to about 10-30 grams. Eating only nuts and meat. I lost on average a 1.2kg (3lbs) everyday for the first week and I added a gym session of an hour+ to the 2nd week, on that week my weight stabilized, not losing weight or gaining any.
Obviously, I was discouraged and had myself a nice treat on a beautiful sunday morning… soon after, I was back to my old habits.
I noticed my mind was way more receptive to social exchanges, and i was a little more outgoing, might not be because of the diet but just a question of self esteem, since i was getting something done.

Finally, I gained back all the weight and in extra +5kg (11lbs).

I need help, I dont know what to do, and slowly my chronic depression is taking the best of me. I dont wanna be on medication, or consult a doctor.
My support system is very poor and I have no one who can relate to me in my entourage. To them, I am just a sloppy failure who shows no promises. I use that as motivation but then it feels good to me to know i wont disappoint anyone.
Maybe, next time i should not mix exercise at the same time?

#2

Rob, mostly I’m sending you good wishes as you get back on the horse. Almost everyone here has a story of how they started and then had to re-start at some point for whatever reason (sometimes it takes a few times until it becomes normal and easy).

Big change (eating plus exercise, maybe plus more social engagement) can be great for some of us at certain points in our lives, but more often something in us rebels against a big sudden change. Who knows why - maybe we’re uncomfortable with the changes in habits (on a level that we can’t see or understand) or even of success - and it can be easier to just make smaller changes so that

  1. we have one place to put our focus and willpower;
  2. our system has time to adjust, that we’re not asking for too big a shift all at once

Many many folks who are overweight and begin keto find that they at some point they spontaneously WANT to exercise/move; it’s a natural outgrowth of how much better they feel on keto, how much more energy they have.

Also - because I’m on a huge reading kick about this right now so I might as well mention it: cold exposure (even just daily cold showers) can make a huge difference in depression. There’s a lovely cascade of hormones when we’re exposed to sudden cold. See Wim Hof or cold shower challenge or cold thermogenesis if you want to look into this.

Good luck to you! This is a great forum - very supportive and insightful folks on here.

(Carpe salata!) #3

I’ll be interested to hear further progress Rob.

(Siobhan) #4

I am glad to hear that you are taking control and finding some form of self care via keto. I am sorry to hear you have been having a rough time, and have to deal with the monster of depression. I can only say that my mood improved tremendously after starting keto, although I was never diagnosed with depression. At the very least it may afford some mood stability based on what I have heard from others and in my own experience.

I would also agree to keep exercise to moderate (as in walks if you want to) until later, as the stress of lifestyle change from food and exercise could be too much stress at first.
I would try to stay away from thinking of carby food as a “treat” or reward and try to make reaching small goals a reward in itself, or something like a new shirt, new shoes, a day focusing on yourself, etc so you don’t go for “one treat” and end up on a slippery slope down the carb slide (trust me… we’ve all been there).

I would say dedicate yourself to the change… for 6 months. That is generally not too overwhelming for people and allows you to adapt and commit to that short term goal without having to think “forever” just yet.

Also, make sure you are getting enough fat! <20g carb (like you were doing), moderate protein, abd fat to satiety. If you are hungry… eat. Period.

To be honest I think a lot of people here have considered themselves failures at one point or other, whether because we failed a calorie restricted diet or something deeper entrenched.
We have all started somewhere, have had fallen off the wagon frustrations so perhaps that will afford you something. The only thing you can do is get right back on the horse and hopefully pinpoint what made you slip in the first place and find some way to prevent it - or make it more difficult from happening again.

We are certainly not doctors here… can’t offer medical advice, but we can share our experiences and offer support to you on your journey :slight_smile:

#5

Rob,
The first step toward better health is hard for all of us, but we just have to put one foot in front of the other. Some of us had to take that first step more than once. But keto can be exactly what you need to feel better physically and mentally. Come here every day for support. Read everything you can. Ask questions. Be patient with yourself. And committ to one change at a time.

#6

Hey Rob

Hello to you too and welcome. I am so sorry you are going through such a hard time. I spent all my 30s and some of my 20s and 40s obese. I was actually at your weight now when I made the big change. I had weight loss surgery, the first of which was awful but the second great. If you want to hear the details, I shared them on this podcast…

I have also suffered from depression for a good few decades and it makes life tough doesn’t it? I recently watched a great lecture on YouTube which you might find helpful…

I have also been seeing a counsellor via Skype for a good while which has helped tremendously too. The fact that life has been rough for you IS a big deal and WILL impact your mood and your ability to maintain a healthy weight. Please do not blame yourself. We are trained from the year dot to see fat as evidence of laziness, gluttony and responsibility. Just because that is what we had drummed into us does not make it so.

My feeling is that maybe you went too restrictive the first time round and that just made it too hard to maintain? It is very normal to have a fast water weight drop and then plateau for a time - you did nothing wrong. Exercise is something I would add only to make you feel good at this stage. The best thing you could do would be to combine a gentle walk with a friend in the sunshine. Do you have anybody who you could do that with? Where do you live? Maybe there is a dog you could walk sometimes? Maybe simply people along the route to say hi to regularly? You mentioned that you were more receptive to social exchanges.

You say your support system is poor and that they see you as a sloppy failure. Do they really or might that be your projecting your low self esteem? Think hard about the friends or family who are around you. Would any of them be willing to help withs something like a regular stroll outside? I am not sure whether you are stuck at home or not? You said confined to your home but are were the gym sessions also at home or did you go out to those? Exercise is not required to lose weight but I feel some gentle movement might be beneficial for your mood.

Keto really helped my depression - really. It also cut my migraines down from the often 2 weeks a month to a few days a month, if that.

What can we do to help? You can be assured that there are plenty of people here who will offer you kindness and support. xxx

(Louise ) #7

Along with @Daisy’s excellent suggestions, I’m also featured in the podcast along with @Donna. We’ve been down your path and know how Keto helps lifts and stabilises mood, once you understand all those other contributing factors (triggers). What we have and are building here is a wonderful resource for you to access, this can be your support system, as well as your accountability place if you need something or someone external to you. There is no shame in asking for help - we’ve lived it - and are willing to share our stories (successes and not so successes) to ease the way. Take care ok :+1:t2: ask away :+1:t2:

(Meeping up the Science!) #8

Weight gain and obesity aren’t the problem - what caused it is.

I understand about life being rough. Life being rough caused me to gain hundreds of and hundreds of pounds. I was told I was lazy, had no motivation, and that I would never improve. The reality is I had severe depression at the time, and that I could barely take a shower…forget losing weight! I had no support besides a counselor for some time, however then I made friends online. Those friends saved my life.

The thing is that you are not a sloppy failure; you are learning what works. In going to grad school and getting a clinical license, I made a crapload of mistakes. It was hard, draining, and annoying. That doesn’t mean I am a failure. I was learning what worked.

You can absolutely do this. You need support. I think the first step is getting support, as others have said. Whatever you decide to do, there are things you can use to help.

(Gabe “No Dogma, Only Science Please!” ) #9

G’day Rob,

Great responses above. I’m going to add my 2 cents. In the epilogue of “the 4 hour body” by Tim Ferriss, he tells of the Virgin billionaire Richard Branson’s answer to the question “how do you become more productive?” Branson said, “Work out.”

Ferriss says: “If you want to be more confident or effective, rather than relying on easily-defeated positive thinking and mental gymnastics, learn to run faster, lift more than your peers, or lose those last ten pounds. It’s measurable, it’s clear, got can’t lie to yourself. It therefore works.”

I can tell you from experience that this is true. Getting fit(ter) will not solve all your problems, but it will open your mind up to greater possibilities. When you see good amounts of fat coming off your body – usually pretty quickly at first if you have a lot to lose – you’ll get a confidence boost and you’ll wonder what other goals you might set for yourself.

I will say that your expectations of constant daily weight loss are not realistic. You must “keep calm and keto on.” Give yourself 2-3 months. Don’t cheat – or if you do, cheat very rarely and then trust that you’ll get back on the wagon the next day. Keep expectations low and you will exceed them. But you can’t expect pounds to come off every day – I’m currently losing at a very slow pace, maybe a pound every 2-3 weeks. It’s a lifestyle and I’ll get there eventually. So will you.

For me, one big thing recently has been that keto gave me a love of cooking and the kitchen; food ingredients and food technology. That’s not just a new hobby: it’s a new skill and something I’m self-sufficient in. Nobody else, no person and no company, dictates what I consume. I do.

When I started, I also found that I loved bike riding. Ok I already knew that, but I don’t beat myself up just because I don’t like swimming or running. (Running sucks and I contend that it’s truly bad for your health!) So find some easy cardio activity that you enjoy. That’ll help a lot, even if it’s tracking your steps while you take a leisurely stroll.

A final tip: buy Tim Ferris’s “the four hour chef.” It is almost entirely keto-friendly, it has a ton of value for its sub-$20 cover price, and it may just change your life in a few subtle ways.

Oh and final final thought: if you are genuinely clinically depressed, there is no shame in going to a doctor and getting on medication or getting therapy to get through that. Your mental health is as important as your physical health. (And you may just find that as your physical health improves, so might your mental health!)

Best of luck
G

(Gabe “No Dogma, Only Science Please!” ) #10

Oh one more thing: I never did keto to start. I just cut out sugar and starchy carbs. I let myself have fruit and veg. Trust me, to start with, a low carb high fat diet will work fine for you if you have a lot of weight to lose, and will be far more manageable than strict keto where you’re limiting your net carbs and not allowing yourself any fruit, for example, and limiting nuts strictly, etc.

#11

Is it possible for you to get away from those who think you’re a “sloppy failure who shows no promise”?

Its so important to do it for yourself and not for others. I’ve done the whole revenge eating, and revenge starving. You shouldn’t have to be healthy and happy for anyone but yourself. Just keep coming here and get all the support you need. Hugs to you x

(Deb) #12

Just saying hi and offering support also. I am a fellow lifelong depression/addiction/binger (I could probably keep adding to the list!) sufferer so empathetic. Medication, once you find the right one, will change your life in ways you can’t imagine. So think about it.

And remember…baby steps!

(Linda Culbreth) #13

Baby steps for sure - you have a good support system here with encouragement, and so you fell, then get up, dust yourself off and eat another piece of :bacon: !

You can go on a very long, exciting journey with baby steps…

Forever reasons that you find yourself where you are right this minute, I am certain, and others would totally agree with me, you didn’t get there overnight, and you won’t get well overnight. It is a journey, but worth every baby step. Always, always, always, ask for extra encouragement if you need it - somebody will gladly give it here.

(rob) #14

To tell the whole truth, in a moment of weakness i wrote this post, in a hope that maybe something will facilitate the transition and to my surprise everyone is so kind and insightful.
I am grateful to each of you.
I think that after realizing the time I have lost dealing with my demons and isolating myself, I tried to make too many changes (social life, diet, exercise and new hobbies) at the same time, which led to failure.

With all the advises that I got from here, I am on the right path for success.

My main priority is to change for myself, I wanna try to be a better person for myself so I can be a useful member of the community here and real, and I can see that it is a motive that we all share in here and some of you already got there… You all inspire me to push forward. Thank you.

I am set to get back on track, after having done some extensive researches, something have peaked my interest… water fasting, any of you have done that?
it feels like it would be a great start. A whole reset to the system. I am thinking about going for 7 days or 15 days and then get in ketosis.
I am not working right now, I can use my free time to just be in a resting environment.

(rob) #15

Thank you for the warm message, it is very much appreciated.
I have the feeling that we share many of the same characteristics that makes life a hell… :smile: not really a good thing I would imagine.
Could you please send me a private message to tell me a little more about the miracle medication?
Thank you so much.

(Khara) #16

@Rob Just want to say get started back onto low carb. If you slip again then go back on again. Do your best to take it a day at a time. Target healthy proteins and fats and limit your carbs and just Let Time Go By with this simple mindset. You will get healthier if you stick to it. I’m also a hugely firm believer that food affects our brain. I think I’m a person who would qualify, for lack of a better word, to be on some type of medication. I’ve chosen not to because I know that I feel good when I eat good and when I exercise. And I’ve noticed a hierarchy with this and the food has to come first for me. Exercise is important but second to the healthy (low carb) eating for me. My mindset and thinking stem greatly from my nutrition. Recommit, let it take time, find what works for you, don’t panic, go for walks, just be, and enjoy making healthy choices. Notice yourself feeling better both physically and also mentally and take joy in the smallest of improvements. Best wishes.

(Linda Culbreth) #17

Be sure to add in extra salt.

(Stickin' with mammoth) #18

This.

And this.

And especially this.

Last but not least, you’ve got the internet, which means you’ve got all the info you need, all the contacts who can help (people like us!), and all the distraction you can use when things really suck hard. Don’t underestimate the power of zoning out to a bunch of entertaining You Tube videos when you’re having a bad day. It’s probably the least harmful self-medication out there and it’s free.

Here, start with John. He always reminds me to laugh at my long, crazy journey back to health.