Agree to disagree

(Danielle) #1

How do you actually agree to disagree?

Got into a HEATED discussion (argument) last night with my SO. He’s convinced that I am killing myself with this WOE and insists that when I reach my goal weight I should quit low-carb and go back to “A normal diet with everything in moderation”. Instead of just doing the usual “yes, dear” and ignoring him (this is what I usually do, to avoid conflicts). I stood up for my WOE and told him that I will never intentionally revert back to my old eating habits. I like not being hungry, being in control of my self, and letting my body control how much I eat. And I didn’t need his approval or permission to eat or not eat food.

He sincerely believes that “all the fat” I eat is killing my body, and he’s only trying to “help”, and I can appreciate that.
However, we’ve had this discussion before. I’m on the Keto Bullet Train and he’s riding the SAD bus. Mostly this is a vent-session. Thanks for reading my rant.

TL;DR Disagree with SO about Keto lifestyle. How do I say “Thank you for your concern, Fuck off.” and not sound like a raging C-Bag?

#2

Data…data cuts through the BS. Facts and cold hard data.

(Tom) #3

Is he currently unhappy with his own physical condition/weight?
Insist that any further comments from him must be fully sourced with academic papers and studies. Arguments from half-@ssed jouralistic fluff will not be considered. By extension, you’ll need to be prepared with your own scientific papers and books to counter. If he really wanted to help, he’d be learning and reading books like Art and Science of Low Carbohydrate Living, so he could at least understand why you’re doing what you’re doing, even if he doesn’t agree with it. You might also ask him if he feels that it’s appropriate for a person with celiac to still moderately consume gluten, or someone with lactose intolerance to moderately consume lactose-containing dairy. Should someone with a peanut allergy still moderately consume peanuts?

Just an observation with other relationships, sometimes the SO sees the progress the other person is making on any given way of improving themselves, consciously or unconsciously freaks out, and begins to look for ways to undermine the other person, all while under the guise of “helping”.

(John) #4

Your opinion has been noted, if it changes please let me know.

(Roxanne) #5

Have you been getting blood tests? It might be helpful to get lipid and sugar levels done every few months, to prove that you aren’t killing yourself. I did that to comfort my family, they are so ingrained in the “fat is bad” way of thinking, that I was able to show that KETO is having a positive effect.

(Crow T. Robot) #6

This might be the crux of the issue. Nina Teicholz’ book ‘The Big Fat Surprise’ is the best cure I know of for fat-phobia. It’s science-filled, but very readable.

https://www.amazon.com/Big-Fat-Surprise-Butter-Healthy/dp/1451624425

(Danielle) #7

No he is not happy in his own skin - he is trying to follow his doctors recommendations of “moderation and exercise”, and has not been seeing results. The Dr. has recommended he start statins and is sure he will see “much improvement”. I’m sure jealousy is part of it.

This is excellent and not at all bitchy. I will try this next time.[quote=“roxanne, post:5, topic:10078”]
Have you been getting blood tests?
[/quote]

I have not yet. I didn’t see a reason. I was not having any medical issues yet, but I was very sure it was in my future before I started the WOE. But perhaps I should. Might give my side of the argument a bit more weight.

@Chris_W; I’m sure it would help, but it’s to the point now where even my suggesting he read up on it, turns into an argument. He’s labeled me a anti-sugar zealot and will not hear me out at all.

(Tom) #8

Funny how those who accuse people of zealotry (is that a word?) are most often prone to their own bouts of fanaticism.

#9

Cognitive Dissonance is all too common; I’ve even suffered from it myself.

(Siobhan) #10

Let him know that you are basing your opinions on how you feel (health-wise, not emotionally), studies that you have seen, and hard facts. Let him know that you will get blood work done in the future to ensure your heart etc stays healthy as a precaution, but that based on the research you’ve seen how you’re now eating actually helps the heart/cholesterol.

Additionally, after that, say that you appreciate your concern but you feel healthier and you need to do what is right for your body.

Other than that I would just drop it, he will see in the long run and either accept you’re not going to change or decide to try it for himself.

(Stephanie Hanson) #11

Love this response. I’m so using this. And because I’m a bit snarky (at times), I’ll add take out an insurance policy on me if you’re concerned.

(Michelle) #12

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(Stephanie Hanson) #13

Anti sugar zealot is a lovely label.

(Jaidann) #14

This is SO hard. My hubby doesn’t eat like I do. I have to say that I was lucky enough that he did listen to me and does support me. He has concerns like “are you sure you are getting enough vitamins”. I have not been the healthiest individual over the last ten years so his concerns come from a good place.

However, the healthier I got, the more energy I got. Then came my last Dr.'s appt. where things turned out so well, he’s been definitely on board. AND as a bonus has even decided to try keto with me. He just started this past Saturday. He really needs it as his mom and grandmothers on both sides were diabetic and his last blood work showed an elevated A1C and horrible HDL.

Maybe he needs to see the proof in the pudding so to speak. The longer you stay keto and the healthier and more active you get, the more he will see maybe his Dr. just isn’t right and you are on to something.

(Keto in Katy) #15

There you have it. You can’t reason someone out of a position they didn’t reason themselves into.

It sounds to me like he has no interest in understanding because he already “knows” what is right and what is wrong. Good luck, keto on, and keep the F-off card in your front pocket.

(Siobhan) #16

Yeah for a lot of people I’ve seen it takes them seeing you losing and keeping off the weight (or whatever other benefit you were going for) to try it. I think they are basically waiting it out to see if it’s a fad/if it actually works. I don’t necessarily think there’s anything wrong with being cautious, and being concerned so long as they’re being respectful about it. If they get disrespectful it’s best to just firm up your boundaries, let them know you appreciate the concern, and keep calm and keto on.
That said, sometimes it takes people a LONG time to come around. A household member of mine only just now has gone full out and agreed to try keto (they have heart issues and are overweight so we were pretty worried it wouldn’t ever get addressed). This is after me + mom being keto for 8+ months
Just give him time and reassurance.

(Bart) #17

The only improvement from a statin he will see is a lower number on the lipid test. More than likely his health is going to decline from the statin.

(I am a Dog (Dog's eat until they burst!)) #18

My wife still does not agree with. She has dragged me to every one of her doctors and I take my lab tests from the past year along and they all agree with me and say “keep it up!”

Now my wife says she can’t eat as much fat as I do and she will never try my WOE. She still gets her shots in as often as she can but I ignore them. I like to leave her news articles about the latest studies validating LCHF, I know she won’t look at them but it doesn’t hurt to try.

(John) #19

My wife was the same way, I used reverse nagging that way until at around about 40 pounds lost she noticed that her going to the gym all the time, trainer and all, hadn’t lost anything on a low fat diet in who knows how long. She has joined the bacon side and is down about 10 but is dropping inches like crazy.
They’ll get it soon.

(Rachel) #20

I just watched butter Bob for the first time. He has a YouTube vid called…" Butter makes your pants fall off" he talks about insulin resistance and why some people benefit from a high fat diet. He really explains the physiology simply. It’s not a WOE for everyone but it truly evidently heals many.