(A rough draft of my mind at 0200. I reserve the right to edit. Please let me know if this is in the wrong place.)
Why can’t you love me the way I am?
I try all day and work all night
You pinch and poke and prod and cry
You tell me I’m not perfect
You tell me I’m wrong
I don’t see your numbers
I don’t understand what a scale is
Or why it controls how you treat me
One day you might smile
Smiles make me feel good inside
The next day you cry
You tell me it’s my fault and then blame yourself
I scream no! Look!
Look what we accomplished!
We woke up and yawned and stretched and moved!
We wake again and again and again and STILL
Still you shovel poisoned thoughts and treats into me
Still you expect me to fit your external ideals
I struggle all day and night
I am a beautiful machine but, my function is failing
Why should I keep trying?
All you think and say is how ugly I am
At what point do I tell you I can’t anymore?
My equipment is rusting, my lines are full of sludge
You expected me to do everything
You tried to force me into something I wasn’t
If you had just listened when I pleaded
When I pleaded for nutrition I could use
When I pleaded to go outside and move
When I pleaded for you to love me for what I am
I will never understand your external ideals
If you won’t fix the internal workings, why should I?
If I can keep struggling so that you can wake again
Why can’t you love me the way I am?