Under pressure

(Britt) #1

Hi all,
I’m a little over two months into keto now and while I’ve had some beginners hurdles I’m doing well overall.

I have a relatives birthday dinner to attend tonight and there will be many stressors there. Resisting cake alone is really not that difficult for me at this point under NORMAL circumstances. The problem is that I’m very anxious in social situations even though I know most of these people. They are my ex’s family with whom I have remained somewhat close. There will be pressure to eat the food there ( all of which is unhealthy) and if I don’t it will instantly put the spotlight on me. No one ( other than my daughter) knows that I’m doing keto and I would not like it to become the source of conversation tonight as it would really embarrass me.

I’d love to hear from others who have been in a similar situation and how you handled it. I’m sure this will not be the last time I will be going to a social gathering where I’m unable/unwilling to eat the food but don’t want to offend others or draw attention to myself.

I want to add that this is not about having a piece of cake etc. it’s about not feeling well possibly for a day or two if I eat that “carbage”.:wink:

Thanks in advance!

#2

HI Britt,
That sounds like a tough situation to be in. Whenever I feel anxious like that, having a glass of ice water seems to calm me down. Don’t know why…maybe it just puts the “freeze” on things internally? But, it works for me. Give it a try, if you can get your hands on some ice and water at the party.

Not wanting to draw attention, and still be polite can be tricky. In that situation, if none of the foods are Keto-friendly, and someone says something to you— just tell them you’re feeling a little under-the-weather, and don’t want to upset your stomach any more than it already is. No attention drawn. No conversation about it.

Does that sound like it might be a solution? I hope you get through this, and stay strong! You’re doing great!

(You've tried everything else; why not try bacon?) #3

A few strategies are possible.

As a preliminary, don’t go there hungry. That will be a big help.

  1. You could actually eat some of the bad stuff, keeping the quantity small. If anyone urges you to eat more, say, “Oh, thank you, but I’m just not all that hungry tonight.”

  2. You could take small servings and mess them up on your plate. If anyone notices you’re not eating, say the same as in option 1.

  3. Another thing you could try is, for the first half of the event, when offered food say, “Oh, not just yet, thanks.” Halfway through, switch to “Oh, no more, thanks.”

  4. Depending on the people in question, of course, you could even try explaining that you’ve had to alter your diet because of your health. Anyone who really cares about you will support your efforts; anyone who does not support you is not your friend.

Newly-sober alcoholics in such situations often find that people aren’t as interested in how much they are drinking as they feared before the event.

(Scott) #4

I always pass on the cake at weddings and birthdays and usually if people are moving around no one will notice. If it is a buffet it is often a dead give away if I get all meat and no bun but there are many low carber’s out there so you can say I am reducing carbs without going down the keto road. I also have been known to deploy my secret weapon if hungry, Macadamia nuts. I sneak out to the car or whatever and eat a handful. Good luck!

(Britt) #5

Thank you, everyone! I love these ideas and could actually see myself using a combination of two or three of them tonight. I love the idea about my stomach “not feeling well” while I could get a small amount of food on my plate to begin with so I wouldn’t stick out. Messing it up on my plate would create the illusion of having eaten some of it. These are all excellent ideas. I feel a little more relieved now!:grin:

#6

I once had the idea to tell people I had to have routine blood work the following morning so I had to fast. (But then you can’t eat anything if you say that.)

Yes, it would have been a lie, and in the end I didn’t need to use it, but at the time I just did not want to get into a big conversation about why I was eating what I was eating … and not eating.

I’ve also used the “not feeling well” idea.

There are some great ideas here!

(Marius the butter craving dude) #7

If there is meat eat a lot of it and only meat. Thus people will not say “Look how little he eat; he must be on some diet”.

(Britt) #8

This is how I feel. I just don’t want to have that conversation ( almost ALL present are very overweight( not judging!) with no intention of changing) and I feel like they take it personally when they know I’m “dieting”. I’ve been here before and just don’t want to go the same route​:grimacing: I feel like diet talk will not end well and I usually end up feeling embarrassed although it wasn’t my choice to bring it up. I just want everyone to enjoy the party and keep the focus on the guest of honor :grin::wink:

(mole person) #9

I feel that health concerns work way better as “excuses” than weight regulation. People don’t understand how keto works and are used to CICO diets. They will never understand why you can’t have a cheat meal and then just be careful in the next few days to “catch up”.

But when I tell them that sugar leads to terrible migraines the next day, and gluten leads to bad abdominal pain (they happen to be true in my case), I suddenly have an excuse that they understand. Then you just pick some nice meat and veggies and people will understand that your choices are for your health.

I now have family going out of their way to pick up a ribeye for me whenever I come over since they know that I love it and will eat it and they just want to see me eat a healthy amount of food.

(Britt) #10

In my case it leads to abdominal pain and cramping in my lower back as well as feeling extremely tired. One piece of “something sweet” can make me feel this way so I’d rather just avoid it. Some of the family knows I actually do have some health issues that are affected by food but most actually “poo poo” that and think it’s silly. So my best bet with this group is probably to say my stomach isn’t feeling the best but so many of these ideas would work well depending on the crowd. Many who are more health conscious are more readily accepting of others dietary restrictions ( I think).

That’s really wonderful that your family is so supportive and wants the best for you and your health! That makes things so much less stressful and more enjoyable.

#11

You could tell them you recently found out you’re allergic to wheat, and have been adviced not to eat any. You might even grieve the loss with your friends. That eliminates almost all cake and buns. Fruit can be put on a plate to pretend eating. Cheesecake can be taken a piece of so you can make it look like you’ve eaten. You’ll figure it out.

(Britt) #12

Update: The party went as a birthday party should! I had to say it a few times but the “queasy stomach” worked like a charm and no carbs were had by THIS girl which means no morning after regrets. Thanks again everyone :grin:

(Jane- Old Inky Crone) #13

Congratulations! Lately I use “my doc put me on a very restrictive diet to try and find out what’s causing some health issues.” Most people don’t push after that. If they want details I just say, stomach issues.

(Jane) #14

Success!!!

I actually had a similar situation and just kept saying “not hungry, I’ll get a bite in a bit”. It wasn’t a sit-down dinner where you have to eat in front of everyone. It was a constant-grazing type of thing.

I finally put a few things on my plate, pushed them around and quietly dumped the paper plate in the trash later. Told the host how delicious everything was, was stuffed, and never ate a bite. Nobody noticed.

(Alec) #15

I am sure we are very different people, so my strategy may not work for you. I eat what I want to eat and don’t eat what I don’t want to eat, and if anyone asks me why I am eating x and not y (they rarely do) I simply tell them the truth: “I have found a new way of eating which makes me feel fabulous. It involves not eating carbs. You should try it!”

This strategy has led to some very interesting conversations about both keto and also, more importantly, the other person’s health journey and what works for them or doesn’t. I often find other people’s reliance on pharmaceutical drugs absolutely astounding. There are so many folks out there permanently on some kind of medication.

(Britt) #16

I’m quite sure this would lead to some great conversation but in a group setting where it might put all eyes and ears on me… well I would want to crawl under my chair :joy:. I’m fine talking to someone about it individually though. I’m also still a little intimidated by my lack of knowledge about the science of keto. There are many questions I don’t know how to answer but I’m learning and my confidence will grow. It must work… I’m the proof along with so many others!

Thank you for sharing your method and maybe one day I will have your confidence on this subject😊

(Alec) #17

I can tell you that I am sometimes confronted with opinions or evidence that I can’t explain or counter. However, I have also learnt how to tell very early in a conversation whether I am getting into an antagonistic discussion (no thanks, move away, no desire for these), or a more interesting open exploration across the health arena (yes, please, this is where I learn).

If I am confronted with difficult questions that I can’t (or more usually don’t want to) answer, I say “you may be right, I need to research that” and that pretty much closes down the point.

It is important on keto to leave ourselves open to influence. That is the scientific way, and keto is based on scientific principles and evidence, and we need to maintain that.

(squirrel-kissing paper tamer) #18

I find that if I say the word Keto people want to ask me a bunch of questions and hound me but if I say, “Oh, I’m doing Atkins again.” they act like Oh, cool and walk away. I sort of want to tell them it’s the same concept (ketosis) but also like that they don’t care to chat about that old, stupid diet.

Mostly, though, what I eat is my business and I don’t bring it up at all. Because then if I DO want a tiny piece of cake everyone gets really excited like they’re about to watch a 1 year old eating sugar for the first time and they want to see my expression when I take a bite. It’s so freaking weird, I tell ya.

(Britt) #19

This made me laugh @ Adkins. This is so true! I had a couple of nurses at work ask me last week if I had lost weight. I replied yes, that I’d been doing keto thinking EVERYONE has heard of keto by now. No, they both asked me a bunch of questions about it but said I looked great. I’m guessing they will be looking it up lol. I don’t bring it up to anyone but when people see you losing weight they are naturally curious. My biggest issue is that I’m not overweight to begin with BUT I was not eating healthy and did have extra fat in some places. You can’t just lose fat selectively as everyone knows. It’s not just about losing a few extra pounds it’s about changing my diet to a healthy one. So, what I hear the most is “you don’t need to lose weight”. Even thin people can be unhealthy so I try to explain that I want to be healthier in general, it’s not all about weight loss!

You are right about eating something non keto too. If I even have fruit at work everyone stares at me and is watching me eat it as if I had torn the head off a chicken :rofl:

#20

I had 2 conversations about my ‘diet’ this morning while in school with my son. The first one involved me refusing bagels. One of the ladies serving knows me a little and was surprised so I just said the I was cutting out grains because they made me fat and said how much I’ve lost. They were impressed, asked if dr had told me to or I’d done it myself. Said I’d done it myself & that I felt much better for it. They agreed it was a good thing to do.

The 2nd time was at break when I went for a cuppa. I’d forgotten my fruit tea so had a weak and not milky ordinary tea.
The staff member there made a comment, so explained I don’t do well with caffeine (true) and that I was cutting out grains. She clarified what that was and I added that I had also cut out potatoes etc. Shes cut right down on carbs, has them maybe twice a week (as in a serving of them, she doesn’t track) and is feeling better, clothes looser and doesn’t miss the carbage but a bit miffed that she’s not lost weight. I said that she’ll still be giving her body a break from high insulin levels and the other hormones will be balancing out, which she got.
What she wasn’t happy with is her partner has gone the slimming world route and eats nothing but carbs, she said he had a huge bowl of rice with some chicken curry and a jacket potato for his tea last night. It will be interesting to see how well he maintains his current 2 st weight loss when he stops going.

Anyway, point is, I had 2 completely different conversations about the same subject because 1 was with someone who was more open to the idea of low carb. Judge your audience and say what you think they’ll accept, without lying. Would say ‘age appropriate’ but it’s more ‘attitude appropriate’.

I love this.
Must remember if I misjudge conversation any time.