Unable to stay at goal weight

#1

Hi Everyone,

I posted this in my fasting journal thread but want to get some advice so I’m cross-posting here:

Broke fast yesterday. I’m a mess honestly. I had a very stressful long shift at work and snacked on random carbage non-stop the whole time. I didn’t even enjoy the food. I’m not sure where to go from here and would love gentle advice and input. Here is my story in a nutshell (I haven’t slept so be warned):

I lost 100lbs in a year through PSMF, then keto, then keto 16/8, then 36hr fasts, then 3 day fasts, then an 11 day fast. I got to my ultimate goal weight after my first 3 day fast. I then spent the next year gaining and losing 10-15lbs and trying desperately to get to and stay at 120lbs. I was there again 2 months ago after my long fast but am now back up at 132lbs and have been eating sugar/carbs for weeks now.

I usually find it easy to fast at work, but yesterday I was just completely out of control. The second I tell myself I can’t have something (snacks, grains, sugar, artificial sweeteners, dairy, etc) I have an overwhelming urge to sabotage my efforts. I agonize over food and weight in all my free time and I hate that I feel like it’s necessary to be that obsessed. I hate knowing that I’ve worked so hard to attain my ideal weight and am unable to stay there. I feel like a failure so often these days. For the last few months I’ve been experiencing episodes of intense anxiety and depression which is completely unlike me.

Where should I go from here? What would you do?

(Robert C) #2

Take a minute to imagine that you chose 132 pounds as your ideal goal weight.

Your psychology would not be anxious, depressed or upset in any way - you’d have been below goal for an extended period and loving life. You wouldn’t be agonizing over food because a tick up from 126 to 128 would be meaninglessly below your goal. You’d only have to worry if you started to get above 130.

Also, take on board that your body (with your stress levels, sleep etc.) might feel that over 130 is best for your long term health and will battle you (provide constant urgency to find food) until you meet its demands.

Think to yourself how you came up with 120 - was it your weight in high school or something - is it realistic at all at your age and lifestyle (were you active at lower weights but now you are sedentary)?

Would providing some “give” on that number allow your stress and anxiety to go down - making it easier to sit at a slightly higher weight?

Would adding some fat burning muscle be a better strategy than trying to sustain a weight you fight yourself at?

(George) #3

This is a tough one, and I wish I had an easy answer for you, but I guess my advice would be to take it one step at a time. Try not to worry so much about it (I know it’s easier said than done).

Cut our those sugary carbs you’ve been eating the past few weeks. Do a fat fast instead (bacon, eggs, butter, etc.). Find a fasting regimen that works best for you and that you enjoy most. For example, I do OMAD and two 72 hour fasts each month. I find this to be easy, enjoyable, and I see results. I very very rarely have a craving for sweetener, so I bought the starbucks brand sugar free vanilla (0 cals, 0 carbs, etc.) and use it in my coffee on weekends when I brew at home instead of the office. Or if I want something else that’ll satisfy that craving, I make super simple keto crustless lemon cheesecakes, I haven’t done it in a few weeks, but last time I did, I made a small portion of it and ate it for 5 days straight after dinner. It’s super dense so you fill up quickly, and I still lost weight after eating it.

Next I’d try figuring out why you feel you must indulge in those things just because you tell yourself you can’t. It’s like rebelling against yourself, and there has to be some underlying reason for it.

it’s okay to fall off course, it happens, but you just have to get right back on track immediately. Just like alcoholism, food/carbs is an addiction. A recovering alcoholic will ALWAYS be a recovering alcoholic. And a recovering obese person will always be in recovery, even at a healthy weight, so we have to be extra cautious and mindful to not let one bad decision turn into a bad decision that spans over several months.

(Cindy) #4

This is one reason why people shouldn’t weigh. It’s easy to get obsessive over the number on a scale. You’ve lost 100 lbs in a year. That’s quite a bit and might be over what your body is “willing” to lose in a year. Weight loss needs to take TIME so that your body’s set point has a chance to adjust as you lose the weight. It sounds to me like you’ve forced the weight loss with the repeated fasting so now when you do eat, it’s “extra” fuel and your weight starts to creep back up.

You already know that you need to avoid the carbage, but you also just need time. Time to settle into your lower weight (it truly does NOT matter if it’s 120 or 132), make that the new normal and then, when you try to lose a few more pounds, it’ll be easier. But right now, if you’re in a cycle of fasting to drop scale weight, then eating carbage, fasting to drop the numbers again, etc, you’re doing more damage to your metabolism than good.

#5

I’d like to gently ask you whether 120 is really where your body is most healthy and comfortable. Your weight loss was a huge accomplishment and it’s pretty common to become quite focused on a specific number on the scale when you’ve worked so hard on changing those numbers.

Now that you’ve reached a healthier body composition, might your body be pushing you “out of control” because it needs just a few more pounds to be at a solid place?

This might be especially true if you’ve added muscle and your body fat percentage has dropped too low.

When you’re eating to satiety and following a keto diet, does your body seem to “like” a weight of 130ish? What if 130 is the best place for your physical self? Can you feel strong and calm at that weight?

My recommendation (and this advice is worth every penny you’re paying me!) would be to get your nutrition/carbs back in line and do a little self-experiment to see where your weight stabilizes.

You’ve already accomplished a lot! And this accomplishment required some pretty intense focus on changing habits. You’ve reached a point where the next step is releasing some of that focus and observing how small adjustments in your habits and expectations can optimize your physical AND mental health.

#6

Thank you for your responses. The problem with deciding that 130lbs is good enough is I don’t seem to have the mental tools right now to maintain any weight. I am either striving to get back to 120lbs or gaining indefinitely. Statistics are not on my side as far as keeping this weight off and I’m sure my “set point” is still up in the obese category.

I think I need to commit myself to 3 months strict keto without weighing myself to really let myself get fat adapted again before I try to push it more with OMAD, carnivore, or extended fasting.

But if I could just fast for 10 days I would be back at goal again and can work on being strict keto after that…

(Scott) #7

I am alway strict keto…except when I drink beer. There is a IPA across the street calling me now :beer::beers:

(John) #8

From my personal experience over the years, and having lost and gained weight back before - it requires a shift in thinking. While there are certainly plenty of physical, biological things at work, long term weight loss and maintenance is all a mental game.

You need to reprogram your brain, and you can do it with your own words. This has been the key for me.

You are creating a new self. Not just physically, but who you are - your self image.

Instead of saying “I can’t eat a candy bar” - change the narrative: “I am a person who does not eat candy bars.”

In the first case, you are being denied something you want. In the second case, you are being true to your core identity. You just have to spend the time building that core identity that you want to have.

For instance, I am assuming you don’t smoke. In that case, if someone were to offer you a cigarette, you’d say “No thanks, I don’t smoke.” Not “I desperately want that cigarette but I am using willpower to resist.” Because you’re not a smoker. Or not a drinker, if you don’t drink.

See the difference? In one case, it’s an activity you aren’t partaking in. In the other, it is NOT WHO YOU ARE.

For me at least, treating carbs (and especially sugar) like an addictive substance, which required utter abstention from sweets, including artificially sweetened foods, has been a key component of my success. Of course I don’t eat “just one” cookie. I am not a person who eats cookies.

It seems like word games, but you basically reprogram your mind, and over time it becomes automatic. It is not an overnight thing, of course, so you have to burn some willpower while creating your new self image. But once that is in place, you don’t need willpower to resist things that you DON’T do, because that’s not you.

#9

This seems likes a good idea.

This not so much given where you are at mentally.

(Alec) #10

I feel like this a lot when I am stressed. It is called emotional eating, and I know what it’s like: you just want the carbs, right? It makes you feel better, calmer, able to cope. Been there. Probably still am. It is called an addiction.

[I am 54 years old and I am addicted to carbs. It is 4 months since my last carb blowout…]

My advice is this: be prepared. When you go to work, take what you intend to eat with you. I did this to get through some tough times… what was my keto snack of choice? Cold slices of bacon. When you get stressed and hungry at work, eat your keto snack. It worked for me. Try it.

Oh, and again, I am so here with you. I have a serious maintenance problem. I can lose weight real easy (I sense so can you). But I can’t keep it off. It just comes right back as soon as life gets hard. My advice on this is simple: don’t ever stop trying to find the solution. This is worth it. This is you and your life. It is the difference between having a great last half of life and having a miserable one. That is what is at stake. It is worth focusing on. It is worth climbing back on the wagon again and again and again.

Not sure if you have read my struggles and the advice I was given, most of it great advice. Your story resonates with me, it may be worth a read.

https://www.ketogenicforums.com/t/being-honest-with-myself-being-a-newbie-again-climbing-back-on-wagons-any-advice/73932

You might also think about a similar scenario here:

Stay calm, don’t give up. Climb back on the wagon every time you need to.

(squirrel-kissing paper tamer) #11

Yes! I think you should just try eating keto, only when you’re hungry and take the fasting out of it for a minute. It sounds like withholding food is leading to binge eating.

This seems like it would be perpetuating a cycle that hasn’t been working for you and is adding stress, anxiety and depression. Also, you’re more than a number on the scale, your ability to fast, and your size. You’re a person which is bigger than an image. Try to be kind to yourself, best wishes.

#12

I am a fellow sugar/carb addict. Keto goes a loooong way in helping to curb cravings and keep things under control, but once an addict…If you continue to have trouble staying on track it might be helpful to find some resources to address the mind/spirit part of that addiction.

(Paul H) #13

My 2 cents… Skip the scale and fasting for the 3 months you mentioned… Try to find a balanced eating pattern to avoid gluttony and yet eat until satiated. Something more sustainable. You have done fantastic already!! Don’t forget that!! You have proven you’re very capable so just relax and reset. Stress = Cortisol as well so… Work on sleeping, relaxing and eating keto foods until satiated. Be patient with yourself! This frustration for people after getting quick and big results like you have already gotten seems fairly common. We’re always a work in progress.

(Scott) #14

I keep seeing the word snacking here. This is something I need to watch too. I am good about staying with keto snacks like almonds and macadamia nuts but it is still snaking. I think what I am really craving is the salt. When it hits I go and get the salt grinder and put some in my palm. I pop it in my mouth and get a good drink of water. Good to go now.

(Paul H) #15

Ding Ding Ding…I have twice bought a 2lb bag of Salted Macadamia nuts at ~$30 per and they were gone within a week… Soo snack naughty… I probably just needed a salt lick half the time if not more. Thanks for ringing the doorbell.

(Muhammad Nasim) #16

You mentioned mental tools and targets etc otherwise you are just losing or gaining with no end in sight. Have you tried looking at the Adonis Index stuff by Brad Pilon etc. It gives you a sense of what a good aesthetic might be in terms of the best shoulder and waist circumference for your height. If nothing else it gives you a target that’s anchored on something

(Anne Brodie) #17

My experience is very similar to yours.

I did well losing until I got to 127 and then when I tried to push below that with fasting over 24 hours, reducing calories, etc the scale did not comply and I often ended up overeating. I was constantly fighting where my body wanted to be. I decided that if I stayed at 127 the rest of my life that would be WONDERFUL and that I needed some experience with simply maintaining. I’ve now been between 124 and 132 for over six months, mostly near the higher side. And I’m eating twice what I was when worrying and pushing so much. This is a darn cool place to be in the scheme of things.

I do weigh every morning but use WHERE I AM as my goal. I understand that pattern you mention of either striving or gaining indefinitely. For me, learning to be okay with being in the middle has been the most important part of this journey. And I realized it isn’t really about food. This is a pattern in my life that showed itself in my eating, and by adapting my eating it has helped me heal the same behavior in other areas.

How? There are three main keys for me.

  1. I’m learning that I would rather know the truth and to be comfortable being uncomfortable as long as I am willing to adjust when needed. I weigh every day because I’ve lost weight in the past and regained. One of the ways this happened is that I stopped weighing. For me this indicated that I was trying to hide my behavior from myself, knowing I was eating things not in my best interest and not wanting to face it. Maintaining HAS TO have days of going up to be able to have days of going down. I have a “scream” weight of 130. If I see 127, 126.5, 128.2… I stay on course. But when I saw 131.1 one morning I cut back to just liquids (coffee with some cream, tea, a green powder drink with 50 calories) and the next day was back under 130. Probably extra water or something. But I corrected before I had gone very far off track. More importantly, I started to feel less out of control and more empowered that if I go off a bit I can get back on track right away.
  2. I’m training myself to feel good about my behavior rather than the immediate readings from outside. If I get some walking or other movement in, eat under my carbs and don’t go way overboard eating lower carb foods I can feel good about the day no matter what the scale or ketone readings say the next morning. If I stay with my tried and true meals like eggs, bacon and cheese the scale follows back down to near 127.
  3. When I eat higher carbs, or often even low carb treat-style things, I want to eat more. Biologically it is fine if I eat a fat bomb or bar or whatever, but often it makes things much harder emotionally. I’m learning picking a plan for the day (or hour or situation) and follow it, that feels much better than struggling over the treat. Not to say I never should or never will eat certain things, but when I catch myself greatly restricting to lose or eating excessively I go back to the basic meals I trust and get to feel the ease of things stabilizing.

This is already too long but I feel a connection with you and what you are going through. As I said, this is all reflective of patterns in my life and learning these techniques has rippled through in ways that are pretty amazing. It sounds to me like you already have a good sense of what is happening with you. It won’t always be easy but I believe you will find the right solutions and settle into balance.

(Full Metal KETO AF) #18

By doing this I think you negated all the benefits of doing a fast. Why put yourself through the fasting effort only to refeed with carbs? Stick with low carbs fatty proteins after your fast. You’ll feel much better physically and mentally because you’re going to reap the benefits of your efforts. Be proud of those kind of accomplishments. Be strong. Keep some keto friendly foods at your workplace so you don’t have to cave into carb cravings.

You’ve answered your own question about why you can’t maintain your losses. :cowboy_hat_face:

#19

Thank you so much for your reply. Can I ask more details about your eating habits to maintain your weight? Do you stick to a certain amount of meals at certain times? Do you track your food in any way? How long have you been maintaining? Thank you!!

(Bacon is a many-splendoured thing) #20

There’s the place to start. First, why are you hungry? Is it just stress, or are you not eating enough? Secondly, why are you snacking on carbs instead of protein and fat? Where does this carb-laden food come from? Do you really have to visit the vending machine? Can’t you keep pepperoni and pork rinds in your desk or locker for emergencies?

What would happen if you brought a cooler bag with bacon-and-cream-cheese, butter, a favorite cheese (I like buttered Brie, personally), and perhaps a Thermos full of heavy cream? If you snacked on that stuff instead of the carbage, don’t you think that would fill you up? What kind of lunch do you pack? Should it be something with more fat in it, to satisfy your hunger? Do you really need to be fasting, if it’s going to make you vulnerable to carbohydrate-laden foods?

Were I in your place, these are the questions that would be going through my mind, anyway.